The Great Courses

God's Not Dead! (Again.)

Mar 24, 2016 at 7:58 AM
2 years ago

god's not dead poster

Watch the VIDEO of this review HERE.

PLOT SYNOPSIS of the hugely-anticipated God's Not Dead sequel:

In the deafening silence left after a planet of billions cries out for the tiniest of proofs for God's existence, an actor (Melissa Joan Hart), quasi-famous for playing a teenage witch more than a decade ago, decides to help prove a god who is famous for executing witches.

Undoubtedly thankful for the paycheck, she joins a cast of thespian nobodies (and Ray Wise, whose baddie role in the original "Robocop" gives him a lifetime coolness pass) in a film directed by Harold Cronk.

You don't know Harold Cronk? Take a number.

harold cronk

Hot off a portfolio of unknown films, Cronk stumbles upon the realization that millions of already-Christians are eager to pay for two hours of theological masturbation (and jeer the atheist villain), so he develops clap-trap propaganda films that ignore the question of why a genuinely undeniable deity would require a third party to declare him undeniable.

ALTERNATE FILM TITLE: "God's Just Very Shy. (And your confusion amuses him.)"

In this laudable pursuit of money, er, marketing, er, ministry, the film never pushes past its target audience of Christians, meaning that the only ones told that God's Not Dead are those who never thought him deceased in the first place. To guarantee buzz on Christian pop radio, the film includes a catchy little ditty by The Newsboys. Add a splash of social media affirmation ("Amen!" "He is alive!!!"), and the stage is set for a successful opening day...

...on April 1st. April Fool's Day.

The atheists and skeptics do not purchase first-run box office tickets for "God's Not Dead 2" (wait...didn't Part 1 answer the question, already?), content to wait for the free viewing on Netflix...and the inevitable drinking game that accompanies it. They also lament the conspicuous absence of Kirk Cameron, who apparently exhausted himself while rewriting the entire historical record regarding Christmas.

Honestly, folks. Would a genuinely omniscient, omnipotent and benevolent god decide - in absolute absence and silence - to use Cronk & Company to prove the reality of his existence?

Perhaps it's more likely that Z-tier film producers smelled a huge profit margin by marketing to a built-in audience of Sunday Christians who champion a Bible they have yet to properly read or understand.

-Seth Andrews

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