The Great Courses

10 Women Christian Men Shouldn't Marry

Jan 20, 2015 at 1:31 PM
3 years ago

A few weeks ago, Pastor Stephen Kim of New York City posted a blog with guidelines for men who are seeking a suitable wife.  At the time of this posting, Kim's blog was still available via this LINK, and it was a companion piece to a previous article targeted to women.

The opportunity was too good to pass up, so I produced a short response video (link coming) which addressed this pastor's (and the Bible's) percpective on females, and Dr. Darrel Ray refuted the pastor's nonsense in a January 17th Facebook post.  With Dr. Ray's permission, I'm reprinting the text of that post here.  -Seth Andrews


Pastor Stephen has received some strong backlash from people about is list, especially women. I just wanted to come to his defense. My post will probably get deleted, so I decided to put up here as well.

I must come to the defense of Pastor Stephen. Many of you who claim to be Christians are being highly critical of him and what he said. I am sorry to say that he is totally correct in his reading of the bible. You should read it yourself sometime. The words are pretty clear. I can't even imagine how they could be much clearer. So if you are saying that you disagree with those words, it is pretty clear that you don't subscribe to Christianity. I am not sure what you subscribe to, but the words as well as historical interpretation are pretty much on his side.

I know it is a real problem for Christians to swallow what their bible says. I know it is difficult to believe that their Jesus could be so harsh. Unfortunately, it is true. Not much way around it. Liberal Christians are all the time trying to twist the wording and make things say something that is more in line with their personal desires. You can do that, but don't try to say your's is the true Christianity or more true than Pastor Stephen's. His is far more true to the actual word and even spirit. I must say thanks to Pastor Stephen for being honest. Many of you who criticize him are not being so honest. By that I mean, you feel it is your right to twist and turn the words and clear instructions to any way you please.

I personally don't have any problem with that. I am an atheist. I really don't care how you twist your bible, but it does seem pretty ingenuous to take someone to task for simply reading the words as they are written down. Maybe you might want to reconsider what those words mean to you, what your bible means to you. If you really don't like misogynistic ideas and behavior, then you will be hard pressed to find humanistic ideals and equality for women in the bible. It simply is not there, despite the claims of liberal Christians. If you don't care for the notion that a woman should never remarry if divorced (except for adultery), then your bible is not the place to look. As a former fundamentalist Christian, I was always amazed at how much people objected to clear biblical instruction, condemning those who simply read the words and acted accordingly. Christian morality is based on some pretty terrible ideas, but the ideas are there and I don't know how you change them or willy nilly decide they mean something different or don't apply to you. Jesus clearly says that he only loves and rewards those who do what Pastor Steven simply repeats. If that is not clear, it is hard to understand who you do follow.

All too often people tell me they follow Christ, but they must have some direct line to him and a license to change what ever he said, per his instructions. Or at least that is what it looks like. Because they are all the time picking and choosing which things they will follow and which they wont. The love of Christ is a pretty dicey thing. I personally would not want to be near someone who loves like he and his followers do. That kind of highly conditional love is abusive and capricious, but it is pretty clear, that is how Jesus does things. He talks about hell and eternal punishment, and stuff like that. Yet, many Christians want to ignore that or make it say something that it clearly doesn't. It is hard to see how yours is Christianity, and Pastor Stephen's is not. Unless it is OK to invent your own Christianity, one that simply fits your current way of thinking and tends to change when your thinking does. If that is OK, then what the hell is Christianity but a free flowing, ever shifting set of ideas that are only valid if you agree with them.

Don't get me wrong, I think anyone who believes what Pastor Steven says is someone I stay far away from. I couldn't disagree with him more, but then I am a humanist. I think people are more important than dogma. He doesn't, and neither does his Jesus. It appears to me that many of you think you are above the dogma as well, but don't seem to understand, dogma is Christianity. The two go hand in hand. Without it, you really don't have a coherent Christian world view. If you think the dogma does not apply to you then you might also consider that you are not Christian. You are something else. I'll let you figure out what that is. Maybe you are the head of your own new religion like Joseph Smith created Mormonism or Mohammed created Islam. Each did some picking and choosing and came up with totally new religions. The only difference is, yours is a religion of one, theirs started off that way, but they eventually convinced a lot of other people to adopt their dogma, and voila, a new religion is born.

I'll be reposting this on my Facebook page, in case it doesn't stay up long. I think it would be great if Christians really read their bible and understood it. That is all Pastor Stephen is doing.

Dr. Darrel Ray, author of The God Virus, and Sex and God

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