21 and Married
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28-04-2014, 03:19 PM
RE: 21 and Married
Oh, Girly needs to weigh in on this one. He and Manly have been married forever and were married young.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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28-04-2014, 04:01 PM
RE: 21 and Married
NPR wants to talk to you...

Quote:NPR is working on a story that will explore attitudes about marriage among the millennial generation (ages 18 to 33). We are looking for the following people to profile:
Millennial couples who are living together (or single mothers) who have children but aren’t married.
Millennial couples who live together (married or not), but are putting off kids.
If you fit the criteria, please fill out this form: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1QmPo3xM...U/viewform


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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28-04-2014, 05:27 PM
RE: 21 and Married
It just sounds like some formality

or cliche festivity where she can be "princess" for a day

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28-04-2014, 06:06 PM
RE: 21 and Married
My husband and I started living together when I was 18, bought a house at 20, and married when I was 22. You've got some really good advice in here with waiting to have kids, do your traveling now, have lots of sex, and work on the "yes,dear" Laugh out load there is so much truth to he phrase "a happy wife equals a happy life" Big Grin

Right now, I'm 26, we don't have kids yet, but plan on it soon. We've taken lots of vacations in our time together. Even a weekend out of town (doesn't even have to be out of state) can be so refreshing for a marriage.

As for finances, we are doing ok. We've improved it by making a budget, cutting costs where we are able so that we can splurge a little on the stuff that makes us happy. Plus excelling at our jobs to get promotions and raises where we can. I find that pooling money fairly for joint expenses, and leaving the rest for personal spending in separate account to keeps us sane. No fighting over trivial purchases that way Thumbsup

Glad to hear you're happy!!

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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28-04-2014, 06:15 PM
RE: 21 and Married
oh yeah! I forgot about pocket money. decide on an amount that each of you can just spend however you want. Everyone has a different idea of what makes them happy, maybe one person will save it for awhile for something nice, and the other person is happy just going out for coffee every morning. It doesn't have to be much, but each person needs some pocket money that they can spend however they wish without wrecking the joint finances.

we have a saying in this house too....'would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?' choose wisely, because sometimes you can't have both. just sayin'.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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28-04-2014, 06:32 PM
RE: 21 and Married
I married at age 23 and have been married for 13 years. My advice to newlyweds comes from my mother.

1. Delay having children. Your last child will probably leave the house at at least 18 years of age. When you look back at the time you had together before having children it will always seem impossibly short in context. Wait 5 years, 10 years. As long as you think you can.

2. Having children never saved a marriage. Looking after children is hard in a way that can't really be explained, only experienced. You have never been as tired as you'll be for the rest of your life after having children. Only think about having them if your relationship is going amazingly well. If you think adding that kind of stress to a relationship that already has its issues is going to help things, think again.

Also a few form myself:

3. The first year tends to be the stormiest. When you have a problem with each other lie down in bed. Hold hands. Take turns talking. Don't get offended. You come from different households, and effectively different cultures. You have had different behaviours modelled for you by your parents and much of what seemed innocuous to you will not seem so to your partner.

4. Money going to be an issue at some point, even if you are making a lot of it. There will be times when you need to keep detailed records of what you are each spending your money on. Some couples like to have private discretionary accounts that the other doesn't get any control over. Others do well without separate accounts. My wife and I have tended to work well enough by simply recording the amounts, never judging any single particular transaction, but asking at the end of the month: "Does our spending match our priorities?".

That's pretty much it! Enjoy your lives together.

Give me your argument in the form of a published paper, and then we can start to talk.
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28-04-2014, 07:07 PM
RE: 21 and Married
Before you're married absence makes the heart grow fonder but for some reason after you're married absence makes the heart grow fainter. But you kinda have to find the right balance between the absence and togetherness so that when your apart the coming back together is wonderful!

Just have fun.

I've been married 25 years. There have been some ups and downs but I'm more proud of our marriage than anything else I've accomplished.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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28-04-2014, 07:15 PM
RE: 21 and Married
(28-04-2014 07:07 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Before you're married absence makes the heart grow fonder but for some reason after you're married absence makes the heart grow fainter. But you kinda have to find the right balance between the absence and togetherness so that when your apart the coming back together is wonderful!

Just have fun.

I've been married 25 years. There have been some ups and downs but I'm more proud of our marriage than anything else I've accomplished.

That issue, right there, is what took the shine off my marriage. We are still together...boy, are we together. All the time...constantly. Endlessly. What I would give for some time in my house...alone.

We are always together and a million miles apart at the same time.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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28-04-2014, 07:29 PM
RE: 21 and Married
(28-04-2014 06:06 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  My husband and I started living together when I was 18, bought a house at 20, and married when I was 22. You've got some really good advice in here with waiting to have kids, do your traveling now, have lots of sex, and work on the "yes,dear" Laugh out load there is so much truth to he phrase "a happy wife equals a happy life" Big Grin

Right now, I'm 26, we don't have kids yet, but plan on it soon. We've taken lots of vacations in our time together. Even a weekend out of town (doesn't even have to be out of state) can be so refreshing for a marriage.

As for finances, we are doing ok. We've improved it by making a budget, cutting costs where we are able so that we can splurge a little on the stuff that makes us happy. Plus excelling at our jobs to get promotions and raises where we can. I find that pooling money fairly for joint expenses, and leaving the rest for personal spending in separate account to keeps us sane. No fighting over trivial purchases that way Thumbsup

Glad to hear you're happy!!

So... Consider He buys the lingerie, you buy the toys?
Tongue

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28-04-2014, 07:41 PM
RE: 21 and Married
(28-04-2014 07:29 PM)TheGulegon Wrote:  
(28-04-2014 06:06 PM)Smercury44 Wrote:  My husband and I started living together when I was 18, bought a house at 20, and married when I was 22. You've got some really good advice in here with waiting to have kids, do your traveling now, have lots of sex, and work on the "yes,dear" Laugh out load there is so much truth to he phrase "a happy wife equals a happy life" Big Grin

Right now, I'm 26, we don't have kids yet, but plan on it soon. We've taken lots of vacations in our time together. Even a weekend out of town (doesn't even have to be out of state) can be so refreshing for a marriage.

As for finances, we are doing ok. We've improved it by making a budget, cutting costs where we are able so that we can splurge a little on the stuff that makes us happy. Plus excelling at our jobs to get promotions and raises where we can. I find that pooling money fairly for joint expenses, and leaving the rest for personal spending in separate account to keeps us sane. No fighting over trivial purchases that way Thumbsup

Glad to hear you're happy!!

So... Consider He buys the lingerie, you buy the toys?
Tongue

Uhhhh.... not quite Tongue

Coincidentally those items are also conducive to a happy marriage though. Wink

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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