46-Year-Old Virgin: To Do or not to Do?

[Vera]

(05-03-2013 02:27 AM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  But alas! Such is the case! This whole modern world is but an illusion, a dream nightmare of yours. You will wake up next to a dapper British fellow.

Frankly, don't much feel like waking up at all.

Plus, my dreams are much more interesting. So this just has to be reality.

Plus, with my luck, he won't be dapper, but fat, old and bald.

[Tartarus Sauce]

(05-03-2013 02:29 AM)Vera Wrote:  

(05-03-2013 02:27 AM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  But alas! Such is the case! This whole modern world is but an illusion, a dream nightmare of yours. You will wake up next to a dapper British fellow.

Frankly, don't much feel like waking up at all.

Plus, my dreams are much more interested. So this just has to be reality.

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

[Vera]

(05-03-2013 02:34 AM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Nah. Exercise time. Almost as good (though much more boring).

http://www.australiansphynx.com/Sphynx_G...string.jpg

[bemore]

99% of porn is acting. People get paid to have sex and it is directed like any other film that is being produced to make a profit. It paints a false reality that all women must be slim, have implants and like Anal sex.

Id try to drop any expectations of how you should perform if I was you. If I put you in a car for the first time then I wouldnt expect you to be able to drive it straight away, you will have to learn the controls and how it operates first and not every car is the same. A lot of fun is in the learning.

I think you are at an age where if you meet a woman the same age as you and explain why you are a virgin then I dont think you will get mocked over it, if you do then your with the wrong woman. If I was you I would sign up to a couple of dating sites. I have used this one before in the past.

http://www.pof.com

It is completely free to use although you can upgrade your account if you wish to pay. If you do meet anybody interesting then there is no harm in going on dates, if you dont click with that person then you havent lost anything and may make some new friends in the process. Its also good practise at dating the more you do it.

I cant stress enough on how you need to drop the expectations. All you can be is yourself.

[frankiej]

*cough*hookers*cough*

[Mr Woof]

Pure lust can be degrading, soul destroying,superficial,ultra transient,dangerous,complex,deceiving, misleading........just for starters.

As for a 46 year old youngster, compared to me, I would suggest that you go for a caring mutually respecting union.

I am not knocking sex, far from it, but without the other, the durability and real worth, are pretty insignificant.

[Aseptic Skeptic]

Yeah, sex, I remember that stuff. Liked it, too.

Now I'm as celibate as you, but I know what I'm missing and I really miss it. But I also miss the companionship of a wife who is also a friend and companion and not just a spouse. I miss that more than I miss the sex - heck, I can simulate the sex by myself but I am not so great at simulating the companionship.

I would suggest that you go for both. There's no reason to think it's too late to start. No such thing. So get out there and get the relationship and the sex. If you're lucky, it will be the same woman...

[PeterKA]

As another middle aged (44) single-never-married guy I can relate to some of what you are going through. I dont know if it will, but I do have some observations which may help you.

Women in our age group who are available have very different expectations from someone 20 years younger. They are usually divorced or have had at least one long term relationship which went bad. Mostly they are just looking for someone who can make them feel appreciated, they are under no illusions that they are as pretty as they were 20 years ago, and calling them sexy right out of the gate will just make them uncomfortable - but always compliment their hair/jewellery/shoes/clothing. If she's wearing perfume, ask her what the scent is (useful information for a surprise gift later on) Don't forget that they are probably as uncomfortable with this as you are, they haven't had to 'dress to impress' for a long time and are as unfamiliar with dating conventions as you.

Don't get jealous of her friends, or say anything bad about them. They have been her support group for much longer than you have been in her life. And if they see you as unthreatening to her they will actually help you.

Children are also usually involved. If you are uncomfortable talking about yourself, ask about them. If she ever introduces them to you, you've won - bring gifts (find out about their hobbies/likes/dislikes/food allergies before)

Never bring up the subject of sex before she does. It is not as important to her as it may be to you. In fact I find that the fun stuff usually happens without it being talked about at all. She will decide at some point or another if she is going to take anything any further. She won't tell you, and asking her about it will just remind her of her ex-partner.


Don't ever lie to her about yourself. If you are uncomfortable about your lack of experience at the beginning say something non-comittal like 'i never had much luck with relationships' and change the subject. Let her complain about her ex(s) at length but never talk about yours.

Lastly, whether sex was involved or not, if it ends don't take it personally. She may have just wanted to see if she still can pull a man. Also she will be juggling a home, career and possibly kids. She may just not have the time for you. But she has friends, and you have just a little bit more confidence

[Momsurroundedbyboys]

(05-03-2013 02:27 AM)Tartarus Sauce Wrote:  

(05-03-2013 01:40 AM)Vera Wrote:  (And don't even get me started on the whole idea of how in women it is some sort of gift only to be bestowed upon a very very special person. For which precious gift this very very special person should be eternally grateful. Yeah right. If we lived into a Victorian romance novel - maybe.)

But alas! Such is the case! This whole modern world is but an illusion, a dream of yours. You will wake up next to a dapper British fellow.

Couod have sworn that read "you wake next to a diapered British fellow".

I need to back away from the wine and Pink Floyd.

[Atheist_pilgrim]

Again, thanks for the responses! I guess I'll just have to play it by ear and see what happens. For now, I'm pretty busy with work, keeping an eye on my folks, and digging deeper into the atheist community. Who knows what might come of that?