A Fruitless Search for Love
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21-01-2016, 07:56 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
It just happens. You don't know why. You don't know who. You don't know when. You don't know how. You don't even know if. But if you find it, it is remarkable to have a co-captain along for the ride.

#sigh
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22-01-2016, 08:17 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
(21-01-2016 04:39 PM)caadam Wrote:  It's my personal opinion that the best thing you could do for yourself while keeping your romantic options open is to learn to enjoy your own company. By that, I mean to learn that being alone doesn't necessarily have to correlate with being lonely. Sometimes being alone can be very fulfilling - you start to discover who you truly are, what you like about yourself, what you love to do when you got nothing to weigh you down, and so on.

I really believe that some popular cultures preach that a person isn't complete without a mate - and that's such a horrible lie. Granted, there's a lot more to it depending on each person, but that's something in particular I've noticed, and it bugs the hell out of me lol. Solitude, the single life - these are things to be enjoyed and celebrated, not loathed, not to be gotten rid of as quickly as possible. Embrace it while you can.

See it as an opportunity to be exactly who you want to be, whenever you want - so that when you find a partner, you've already created a strong foundation of who you are because you've done lots of positive exploration. Loving yourself, and being confident in that, is a very attractive quality that will bring special and amazing people into your life. I hope all goes well for you.

Thank you for your thoughts. As an introvert, I like being by myself quite a lot. It is how I recharge my energies. If I am asked to split my time in any given week between being alone and being with friends, I'd split it something like 70/30 in favor of being by myself.

There are very few people on this Earth that I'd be happy to sacrifice some of my time alone to spend it with them. It's part of the reason I still haven't had a boyfriend. If the guy doesn't make me happy to sacrifice my time alone to spend time with him, then I'm not interested. I won't settle for less.
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22-01-2016, 09:01 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
(18-01-2016 05:45 PM)IgniteThought Wrote:  Thank you all who have replied and offered a word of advice. I appreciate it a lot. Even to that gentleman who thought I was a woman. It was worth a good laugh, Laugh out load Thanks for taking the time to read my post, even if it was only half of it. Tongue

The consensus seems to be that I should find groups which share one or more of my interests and see if I have any luck that way. I like this idea.

I wish it was easier for me to just approach a stranger and talk to them. I can keep a conversation with a stranger if the stranger is the one to initiate it, but initiating it myself is something I'm terrified of. I guess I'll have to get over this fear if I am to move forward in my life and my search for love. It will at least help me grow as a person.

If you have any advice on initiating conversations with strangers, I'd also like to hear it. I guess my fear is rejection. That the person will react negatively. Negative interactions with people tend to stick with me for longer than I'd like. It stresses me out everytime I think about it.

Once again, thank you all for your time. Smile

The best advice I can give you for starting convos with strangers is to be yourself. It's also good to be observant of the other person in terms of getting the convo going. What I mean is, if you see someone wearing a sports logo/vacation destination/college/funny t-shirt or if they have a particular book/magazine with them--talk to them about those things as an ice breaker. You will already have their attention since it's something they are interested in and probably enjoy talking about.
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22-01-2016, 09:12 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
(22-01-2016 09:01 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(18-01-2016 05:45 PM)IgniteThought Wrote:  I wish it was easier for me to just approach a stranger and talk to them. I can keep a conversation with a stranger if the stranger is the one to initiate it, but initiating it myself is something I'm terrified of.

If you have any advice on initiating conversations with strangers, I'd also like to hear it.

The best advice I can give you for starting convos with strangers is to be yourself.

Some stranger tries to start a convo with me gets, "I don't even like talking to my own family. Why the fuck would I want to talk to you." I don't have many friends. Drinking Beverage

#sigh
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22-01-2016, 10:40 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
A lyric I wrote a few years back that might be pertinent:

Grabbing the Lightning

When all the wishin' in the world
ain't turnin' the trick, and
you go to grab the lightning
only to find it's too quick,
and you realize that one more time
your chance has slipped away

you can spend your time
and lavish your regrets
on this unhappy penchant
for the riskiest bets.
You can lay awake nights
wond'rin where it all went awry
but the riskiest bets
bring me no regrets --
I'll know I've lived
before I die.

When you're at a place where disappointment
doesn't bring you dismay --
when no matter what, there's peace in your heart --
that's a place you ought to stay.
When you already know that it's time to go
shouldn't you be gone?
Some other day, some other way
you'll find where you belong.

And if that day never comes
when you feel that you've arrived
you'll find a secret pleasure
in knowing you've survived.
And if that ain't enough
you can do it again
'cause no one knows exactly
where your road ends.
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24-01-2016, 10:31 AM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
I'm not gay but as a former nurse and with a background in HIV AIDS I am very comfortable with those who are, it sounds to me that you are not a person who is comfortable with being"on scene" and perhaps the people you have dated before have been exactly that. Just be yourself and try to stop trying too hard, go out meet people have fun and as sure as night follows day you will meet someone who you gel with, as folks have said before you are young and there is lots of time, I know that that's a frustrating thing to hear but it is true. I wish you all the best Thumbsup
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24-01-2016, 12:55 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
Be yourself huh?

What they mean is don't wear a persona. If you honestly aren't a talkative guy, don't be talkative to try and attract someone. If you are bored by basketball, don't feign interest. That kinda thing. At the same time, it's possible to acquire an interest, and even so, to be polite or interested in someone else's interest from the point of view of "OK, so I don't know much about <insert thingy here>, tell me more". Good conversation starter right there.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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24-01-2016, 09:46 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
You don't need to go looking for love when it's where you come from.
People who try to extract love from others are emotional vampires.
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24-01-2016, 09:56 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
IMHO, love in the boy loves girl BS is exactly that. BS.

Live your life. If you, the OP, come across a suitable mate with whom to raise cubs, great.

Love is not a Hollywood movie or a Mills and Boon book. It is just a physical urge to mate.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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24-01-2016, 09:59 PM
RE: A Fruitless Search for Love
(21-01-2016 07:56 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  It just happens. You don't know why. You don't know who. You don't know when. You don't know how. You don't even know if. But if you find it, it is remarkable to have a co-captain along for the ride.

Hey those are the directions I gave to my driver (his first day) on how to get to the hospital today. How the hell did you hear me?

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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