A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
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23-12-2015, 10:36 PM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
(23-12-2015 09:15 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  
(23-12-2015 08:51 PM)jennybee Wrote:  That's a tough one. Did you try talking to her son directly--asking him to please respect your lifestyle choices? I would try that first and if he can't respect boundaries, I would just do what you are doing, which is to have his mom over your house for visits.

I did kind of address that but it's difficult since his life choices are to preach to me. I can hear him saying I should respect his mission to bring everyone to god. Rolleyes

The problem coming on is she doesn't drive at night and we live 25 miles apart in different towns and I fear she won't be driving over here even in the daytime too many more years. I will continue to visit her when she no longer wishes to drive here but one of my concerns is once she is dependent on him he will intervene in my visits and maybe not be willing to let me see her. I will stand by her for as long as possible and I do have her favorite niece on my side so that's one good thing in all this.

It's just frustrated. Thx for the idea. Smile

That is a difficult situation. Religion just infiltrates everything. I was listening to Vosur's interview earlier and he was talking about how no one bothers you about religion in Prague. I can't even imagine what that would be like since religion is so prevalent in our society.
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23-12-2015, 11:32 PM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
(23-12-2015 10:30 PM)Heatheness Wrote:  
(23-12-2015 10:17 PM)Banjo Wrote:  Tell him this when alone with him: "If you don't back off me I'm gonna punch your fucking lights out. Arsehole!".

That would mean I'd have 'to be' alone with him... not happening. I didn't use "creeper" by chance. No

Just kick him in the nuts then. Big Grin

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24-12-2015, 06:15 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
I have a couple of ideas.

* If the son has some kind of a job, if it fits with your schedule, make plans to spend time together during the time he's working.

* Do things together near her house, so that it will be possible, if necessary, for you to pick her up and drop her off for the activity.

* Use Skype or FaceTime, etc., more often to kind of "do things" together from your separate houses.

* Plan fewer but longer in-person activities, where it won't feel like as big of a deal to pick her up and drop her off.

From the son's POV, you are a negative influence on his mom. This is probably because you are diverting her attention and resources. While your atheism has nothing to do with this, it is a convenient excuse for the son to use to himself and others to justify his obnoxious and isolating behavior. Speaking to the son about the situation IMO would make things much, much worse, and speaking to your friend puts her in a difficult spot, too. Therefore, I'd evade as much as possible using strategies like those above and, in the presence of the son, meet his passive aggressiveness with a bunch of your own. (Or ignore it, but I would probably passive-aggressive right back at him.)
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24-12-2015, 07:01 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
Start wearing a hijab and mutter the word "islamophobia" when he prays to his Jesus.

Too much?

Angel

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24-12-2015, 08:53 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
I'm thinking something Machiavellian is in order................

I'd opt for something along the line of setting this asshat up with a beautiful transgendered girl who will haul his ashes - -- and make sure there's lots of pictures involved.......

Then, everytime he gets on his soapbox - you can hand him a new picture of him getting t-bagged --- and let him know that everyone in the church is getting a copy if he doesn't fuck the hell off.................

Sure, it's blackmail.......

That's the idea...

Wink

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24-12-2015, 09:00 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
(24-12-2015 06:15 AM)julep Wrote:  I have a couple of ideas.

* If the son has some kind of a job, if it fits with your schedule, make plans to spend time together during the time he's working.

* Do things together near her house, so that it will be possible, if necessary, for you to pick her up and drop her off for the activity.

* Use Skype or FaceTime, etc., more often to kind of "do things" together from your separate houses.

* Plan fewer but longer in-person activities, where it won't feel like as big of a deal to pick her up and drop her off.

From the son's POV, you are a negative influence on his mom. This is probably because you are diverting her attention and resources. While your atheism has nothing to do with this, it is a convenient excuse for the son to use to himself and others to justify his obnoxious and isolating behavior. Speaking to the son about the situation IMO would make things much, much worse, and speaking to your friend puts her in a difficult spot, too. Therefore, I'd evade as much as possible using strategies like those above and, in the presence of the son, meet his passive aggressiveness with a bunch of your own. (Or ignore it, but I would probably passive-aggressive right back at him.)

* If the son has some kind of a job, if it fits with your schedule, make plans to spend time together during the time he's working. He doesn't, he's "retired" on disability.
* Do things together near her house, so that it will be possible, if necessary, for you to pick her up and drop her off for the activity. Yes, we do that some too.
* Use Skype or FaceTime, etc., more often to kind of "do things" together from your separate houses. Can't do this, she doesn't like the computer too much.
* Plan fewer but longer in-person activities, where it won't feel like as big of a deal to pick her up and drop her off. Yes, I will do this more in the future.

You are right about him feeling I am a negative influence. We met at bowling and became good friends 10yrs ago. She was stuck in the country (widowed) and pretty much at her family's beck and call. She wanted to move to town where she'd be more independent and self-sufficient, be closer to church, shopping and activities that did not just include her family. I helped her do this in every way I could, mostly just supporting her right to do it and helping her feel confident in her decisions.

Except for her niece who also was on her side of her quest for independence the rest of the family knew they were losing access to a personal servant.

So, no, I'm not their favorite person. lol Big Grin She's done wonderfully well though and I'm so proud of her. She'd been a doormat all her life and now to see her bloom into a free and strongly independent woman was just so beautiful. Smile

Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate yours and everyone's ideas.

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24-12-2015, 09:15 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
(24-12-2015 08:53 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  I'm thinking something Machiavellian is in order................

I'd opt for something along the line of setting this asshat up with a beautiful transgendered girl who will haul his ashes - -- and make sure there's lots of pictures involved.......

Then, everytime he gets on his soapbox - you can hand him a new picture of him getting t-bagged --- and let him know that everyone in the church is getting a copy if he doesn't fuck the hell off.................

Sure, it's blackmail.......

That's the idea...

Wink

If I ever want to destroy someones life, I know exactly who to contact for ideas Bowing Laugh out load

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24-12-2015, 09:20 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
(24-12-2015 08:53 AM)onlinebiker Wrote:  I'm thinking something Machiavellian is in order................

I'd opt for something along the line of setting this asshat up with a beautiful transgendered girl who will haul his ashes - -- and make sure there's lots of pictures involved.......

Then, everytime he gets on his soapbox - you can hand him a new picture of him getting t-bagged --- and let him know that everyone in the church is getting a copy if he doesn't fuck the hell off.................

Sure, it's blackmail.......

That's the idea...

Wink

Actually a couple of years ago when he was 52, he got caught having sex with his nieces best friend (who'd just turned 17 three days before) at his brothers house with his niece there too. He was arrested and in jail for 6 months while awaiting his court dates but the charges were pled down because the girl wouldn't testify ($$$ from the other brother in California would be my guess) and he was released on time served.

I thought she might cut him loose but he went to stay at his daughter's for a while but eventually he came back to live off mommy again. I think she just couldn't bare to lose another son (one son died in a car accident at age 17). That's her business I won't criticize her for that just because that's not what I would do but I do want to maintain a relationship with her. I think, and I think she thinks so too, that he will make it difficult for us.

She mentioned a few months back that if she were to go to a nursing home at some point she hoped I would still come take her out to dinner. I nearly broke down and cried. I assured I would and we would call ourselves Thelma and Louise and paint the town red! She laughed at me and said that was a bit much and she'd settle for a nice steak and a drive around the lake! Big Grin

In some ways I miss the old teenage days, back then I'd have had some friends just beat the shit out of him. Guess I'm too mature for that now. (dang it!)

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24-12-2015, 09:30 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
How someone has their bills paid is none of your business if the family is consenting to it. Now if you simply don't like the individual because they lie or suck the emotional life out of you browbeating you with religion, that is one thing, make that the issue. But nobody should be judged if they are honest and getting support. Humans support each other all the time, it is part of our evolution, we evolved to be social animals. There is no script to life.

Just make it about the dishonesty and not about gender or class.

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24-12-2015, 10:10 AM
RE: A Religious Asshat, Is Costing Me a Friend
(24-12-2015 09:30 AM)Brian37 Wrote:  How someone has their bills paid is none of your business if the family is consenting to it. Now if you simply don't like the individual because they lie or suck the emotional life out of you browbeating you with religion, that is one thing, make that the issue. But nobody should be judged if they are honest and getting support. Humans support each other all the time, it is part of our evolution, we evolved to be social animals. There is no script to life.

Just make it about the dishonesty and not about gender or class.

I think you are confused. At least I hope that's all it is.

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