A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
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17-04-2014, 06:03 PM
Thumbs Down A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
I thought i'd share my story for people who are cursed to suffer what I go through, so they know they are not alone. Growing up I was bullied, in school and at home. My mother would beat me if I ever did something wrong, my father was gone he left, and my brother would chase me around the house with a knife threatening to kill me. In school if there was a name to call someone I was called it. Due to anxiety I didn't have many friends so I just kept falling deeper and deeper into depression. As I got older it still continued on and eventually I start having suicidal thoughts. Many times I would cry at night with a knife in my hand or at my throat wondering if I was going to make it another day or if my life should just end. I always felt alone and like I did not belong in this world. Eventually I got past it by blocking out the bad things and focusing on what I did have, like my love for video games. As I got older it started to get better though I still do suffer today but because of different reasons such as loneliness from being single and having no job or much of a social life. Today though I have so much more to help with the bad feelings and to block them. I can come on here and have discussions with some great people or do other stuff I love to do. I learned that life can get better but not perfect and all you can do is never take for granted what you have and make your life good on your own terms.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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17-04-2014, 07:19 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
Wow, quite the story! I am glad you found your balance. You sure had things stacked up against you.

So, how are you doing on the job front?

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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17-04-2014, 07:21 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
(17-04-2014 07:19 PM)Dom Wrote:  Wow, quite the story! I am glad you found your balance. You sure had things stacked up against you.

So, how are you doing on the job front?

Still have some stuff stacked up against me and still unemployed, even graduating high school at 17 with a 3.7 GPA (If you know what that is) still making it hard to get hired.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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17-04-2014, 08:28 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
Come here to talk. There are a few of us that deal with depression and/or anxiety issues. This is a good place to vent.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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17-04-2014, 08:31 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
(17-04-2014 08:28 PM)Anjele Wrote:  Come here to talk. There are a few of us that deal with depression and/or anxiety issues. This is a good place to vent.

Yes, thank you Smile

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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17-04-2014, 08:32 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
I have always been a last minute guy (if not late) for a long time, due to the anxiety and adrenaline that make me run away from those "should do" with fear and pain.

Yet there is this tip by saying to myself "I am going to do it a moment later". If I indeed has done it, I kept my promise. If I still haven't done it yet, well I didn't say how long that moment is, which in turn relieves the anxiety and helps me finally get it done.

That's my story.

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17-04-2014, 08:37 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
(17-04-2014 08:32 PM)HU.Junyuan Wrote:  I have always been a last minute guy (if not late) for a long time, due to the anxiety and adrenaline that make me run away from those "should do" with fear and pain.

Yet there is this tip by saying to myself "I am going to do it a moment later". If I indeed has done it, I kept my promise. If I still haven't done it yet, well I didn't say how long that moment is, which in turn relieves the anxiety and helps me finally get it done.

That's my story.

[Image: bee3ef62gw1ef7z56xqgwg201e01emx0.gif]

Really great advice thank you!

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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17-04-2014, 09:24 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
In my personal experience life seems to get better the older you get. Also, learning to let things go and not live in your past is very helpful. I don't know you personally, but from the parts I've seen you seem like a really fun guy. Hang out. Get to know people here. There are so many great people here who have helped to change my life for the better. Let us show you how awesome you are Wink

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17-04-2014, 09:26 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
(17-04-2014 09:24 PM)LostandInsecure Wrote:  In my personal experience life seems to get better the older you get. Also, learning to let things go and not live in your past is very helpful. I don't know you personally, but from the parts I've seen you seem like a really fun guy. Hang out. Get to know people here. There are so many great people here who have helped to change my life for the better. Let us show you how awesome you are Wink

Thank you Rolleyes hard to let some things go but i'm trying.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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17-04-2014, 10:12 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
Wow, I do find that rather inspiring that you were able to pick yourself right back up! And isn't it interesting how video games can help so much and mean more than just simply bashing buttons/keys? I can say that games do the same for me, especially right after I graduated college.

My ex basically dumped me seemingly out of the blue in like a minute flat (i'd never been so close to a person so it really hurt, that fat bastard) and my really close friends were close friends with him. So what that boiled down to was my friends saying they were my friends, y'know, keeping me friended on steam and facebook, but not talking to me and sure as hell not inviting me to hang out because they'd rather that fat bastard be there and I couldn't just have my own thing. And my other close friends that I had on facebook that didn't know my ex never really talked to me. They'd say they missed me when I said hi but nothing much more. Not call me for happy birthday, not tell me in advance they'd be in town, just "oh I miss you! Yeah I'm doing good!" and that'd be it. I felt like I wasn't worth any effort, that I was some sort of pity friend and that made me really really really depressed. So I removed them from steam and deactivated my facebook so I could try to move forward and not value myself on the people that mattered so very much to me that apparently I didn't matter as much to. Figured they had my phone number, they could call/text if they noticed and or cared I was missing. No one did. I can defiantly say it was rough. Luckily I have like 2 friends on steam though at the time they didn't help much. The one from high school I hardly saw online and the other one, her man, was going through depressing stuff as well so he didn't really cheer me up (he's a really good friend but at the time it i couldn't want to talk to him).

I wanted something to numb the pain but I didn't want to venture out. I wanted to be happy again like I felt when I played team fortress 2. So I made myself get back into tf2. I'd been avoiding it for a while because my ex was really really into it (that's how we "fell in love" cuz we liked that we both knew what it was) and I didn't want to play on the same server as him and embarrass him (this guy has like 1000+hours easy) because the console to PC transition was like absolutely ugly for me. I'd been avoiding it and playing single player games like Super Meat Boy just because I was afraid of looking stupid. But I made myself play it and oh my god. I never realized how much I could miss something. Stupid that I'm tearing up thinking about it but my god I felt like night and day. Between tf2 and Primal Carnage, I felt like I was part of a team and I had fun. I felt like I was important and accomplished and humored. And best yet, I'm not afraid to look stupid anymore. After a while, that made me feel better and more like myself though I didn't quite value myself the same away from the keyboard at like work. So I started making myself go out. Just dress up, walk around a place, talk to people (fellow shoppers, clerk, didn't matter), drive around, not care that I was alone and just enjoy me. At first it was weird but after a while I found it relaxing. I loved that freedom of not being tied down to a person and I learned to appreciate my own company. Now I enjoy it and just go out to blunder around regularly. And for the social thing, I signed up here. I feel like I'm able to say things, I feel heard, and I feel welcomed. That helps a lot too. I may not be perfectly happy all the damn time but I'm doing much better than...god...a little over a year ago today I think.

But yeah, that's my sort of "yay for video games!"/"I'm not so depressed anymore!" spiel. Sorry if that was long.

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