A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
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17-04-2014, 10:22 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
Hope you feel better. I really feel bad about what your family did to you. Hug

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17-04-2014, 11:03 PM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
(17-04-2014 10:12 PM)Miss Suzanne Wrote:  Wow, I do find that rather inspiring that you were able to pick yourself right back up! And isn't it interesting how video games can help so much and mean more than just simply bashing buttons/keys? I can say that games do the same for me, especially right after I graduated college.

My ex basically dumped me seemingly out of the blue in like a minute flat (i'd never been so close to a person so it really hurt, that fat bastard) and my really close friends were close friends with him. So what that boiled down to was my friends saying they were my friends, y'know, keeping me friended on steam and facebook, but not talking to me and sure as hell not inviting me to hang out because they'd rather that fat bastard be there and I couldn't just have my own thing. And my other close friends that I had on facebook that didn't know my ex never really talked to me. They'd say they missed me when I said hi but nothing much more. Not call me for happy birthday, not tell me in advance they'd be in town, just "oh I miss you! Yeah I'm doing good!" and that'd be it. I felt like I wasn't worth any effort, that I was some sort of pity friend and that made me really really really depressed. So I removed them from steam and deactivated my facebook so I could try to move forward and not value myself on the people that mattered so very much to me that apparently I didn't matter as much to. Figured they had my phone number, they could call/text if they noticed and or cared I was missing. No one did. I can defiantly say it was rough. Luckily I have like 2 friends on steam though at the time they didn't help much. The one from high school I hardly saw online and the other one, her man, was going through depressing stuff as well so he didn't really cheer me up (he's a really good friend but at the time it i couldn't want to talk to him).

I wanted something to numb the pain but I didn't want to venture out. I wanted to be happy again like I felt when I played team fortress 2. So I made myself get back into tf2. I'd been avoiding it for a while because my ex was really really into it (that's how we "fell in love" cuz we liked that we both knew what it was) and I didn't want to play on the same server as him and embarrass him (this guy has like 1000+hours easy) because the console to PC transition was like absolutely ugly for me. I'd been avoiding it and playing single player games like Super Meat Boy just because I was afraid of looking stupid. But I made myself play it and oh my god. I never realized how much I could miss something. Stupid that I'm tearing up thinking about it but my god I felt like night and day. Between tf2 and Primal Carnage, I felt like I was part of a team and I had fun. I felt like I was important and accomplished and humored. And best yet, I'm not afraid to look stupid anymore. After a while, that made me feel better and more like myself though I didn't quite value myself the same away from the keyboard at like work. So I started making myself go out. Just dress up, walk around a place, talk to people (fellow shoppers, clerk, didn't matter), drive around, not care that I was alone and just enjoy me. At first it was weird but after a while I found it relaxing. I loved that freedom of not being tied down to a person and I learned to appreciate my own company. Now I enjoy it and just go out to blunder around regularly. And for the social thing, I signed up here. I feel like I'm able to say things, I feel heard, and I feel welcomed. That helps a lot too. I may not be perfectly happy all the damn time but I'm doing much better than...god...a little over a year ago today I think.

But yeah, that's my sort of "yay for video games!"/"I'm not so depressed anymore!" spiel. Sorry if that was long.

I sent you a PM to reply because at the time I reached my 100 post per 24 hour limit Tongue but i'll say it again. It sucks you had to go through that. I don't know you that well but from what I do know so far your pretty awesome and someone as awesome as you deserves a lot better. I'm really shy so socializing is not as easy for me either, if this was real life I wouldn't talk 1/4 as much as I do on here. I think your ex made a mistake leaving you and I think he was lucky to have someone like you. If it ever bothers you again you can talk to me i'm good at listening Smile.

(17-04-2014 10:22 PM)Alex_Leonardo Wrote:  Hope you feel better. I really feel bad about what your family did to you. Hug

Hug Thank you means a lot to me.

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze

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18-04-2014, 12:37 AM
RE: A Story about Depression and Anxiety.
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You gots us. Just keep fighting it will get better.

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