A brief history of Escape Artist...
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30-12-2012, 02:59 AM
RE: A brief history of Escape Artist...
Welcome Escape Artist. I think you will find it extremely powerful becoming a free thinker. The more you listen to other peoples's stories, be it in the various Forums or the Pod Casts (which are great because you can download them and listen to them just about anywhere) the more you will realise you are in good company.

I've not been on TTA website long but I've been a non-believer since I was about 16. However I didn't really give it too much thought for some years after (luckily I don't come from a religious family). For me I became much more of an activist after me and my fiance broke up, essentially because of religious differences. The strange thing is that I wouldn't even say that by most people's standards her's were strong beliefs (or beliefs at all) but she certainly held a sympathy towards religious beliefs. It was her mother I had conflict with over it and unfortunately my ex failed to stand up to her and it fell to me. It wasn't pretty. Over the next couple of years I researched the subject extensively, and people like Dawkins, Hitchens, Dennet and Harris became some of my intellectual heroes. In addition throw in people like Carl Sagan who was already a huge influence to me (as I have a passion for astronomy). Most recently James Randi and Derren Brown encouraged my skeptisism to develop in other areas and I would now say that I am extremely outspoken when it comes to any claim that is not backed up by objective evidence. With all this research what I've discovered is you find that the rabbit hole of nonsense that is burrowed into society goes a long way and it is unpopular to speak up for reason. But I've decided that it is indeed a worthy cause and now I feel quite passionate on the issue, whether it be speaking up against religion, superstition, pseudo scientific woo woo and so on. Some people don't like it but as you will find with the community here there are many of us who love reason and would like to live in a world driven by it. So I'm extremely hopeful for the future. I gain much strength from sites like this where like minds come together and I trust you will too. As Richard Dawkins says, the magic of reality is so much more wonderful than the stories of religion. Welcome.

"Nothing Great is Easy" - Des Renford (English Channel Swimmer)
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30-12-2012, 03:09 AM
RE: A brief history of Escape Artist...
Welcome to TTA, I know how you feel - being in Texas and surrounded by baptists everywhere, if you ever want to rant or just chat feel free to PM me or add me on skype.

Bury me with my guns on, so when I reach the other side - I can show him what it feels like to die.
Bury me with my guns on, so when I'm cast out of the sky, I can shoot the devil right between the eyes.
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04-01-2013, 10:23 AM
RE: A brief history of Escape Artist...
Thanks Red Tornado and Endurance Swimmer.

It does sometimes feel like I'm surrounded by religious people, and even some of those who don't go to church or say they don't believe are still sympathetic to it. I know a guy who called it all "straight-up bullshit" but yet he seems to think that it's good for children to believe in God - to have that "eye in the sky" type of motivation to behave. I personally disagree with that and now, as a non-believer, the doctrine of hell seems especially heinous. I regret having perpetuated this myth to my children, though at the time I thought I was warning them against a very-real threat to their well-being.

Anyway, one thing I've really noticed now that I've become a skeptic is just how pervasive religion is in our society (American society, anyway - can't speak for any other cultures). When you're a Christian, there's all this talk of persecution and you're made to feel that those big, bad, evil atheists are out there and have got us surrounded when the truth is that, apparently, atheists are a minority (if my assumption on this is wrong, please correct me). It's the Christians, the religious, that are everywhere and have their foot in everything. I don't know if I'm just especially sensitive to it right now, as a "baby" atheist, but I can't seem to go anywhere without some passing mention of God - people saying "God bless you" when you sneeze, a word of advice from a friend of mine to "pray about" the problems in my marriage, prayer at my children's school, and on and on.

As for the relationship front (what little is left of my sad marriage) things are, well, bad. We got the financial help from my parents that we were needing, but he doesn't want to split the finances. He said I should just take them over. Yes, because that's what I want - to take care of him in every aspect. Censored I don't know that it would've made a difference even if he'd been okay with splitting them because I honestly feel I've been too hurt and that the trust between us is too broken for me to ever love him again, but at least it would've shown that he recognizes he has a problem. I at least would like to think that whoever he moves onto after we split won't be manipulated or taken advantage of like I have been. Not sure why that matters to me, but it does. I wouldn't want another woman to be hurt by him like I have.

Part of me thinks that because I was capable of being taken advantage of, that I deserved to be taken advantage of. But then another part says that a good person would evaluate their actions and the effect they have on their partner and if they recognized that they were being manipulative, would take drastic measures to rectify the situation.

I've spent a good deal of time trying to evaluate my feelings and thoughts about the marriage and him and as one of you said earlier in the thread, it's quite obvious that I don't love him anymore. I've reached the point of being hurt too much and can't bring myself to ever trust him again. But how do I tell him I want a divorce? How, when I'm frightened of what his reaction will be? There's been no physical abuse thus far in the relationship, but you hear so many stories of men who kill their girlfriend or spouse when they find out she is leaving him and that scares me to death. How do you know when you can trust someone? Maybe the fact that I'm afraid and unsure of what his reaction will be, that I'm afraid the reaction will be violent, is precisely because the trust is broken. I feel like I don't know who he is, that maybe I never did, and so how can I predict what he will do?

Advice?

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04-01-2013, 11:24 AM
RE: A brief history of Escape Artist...
(04-01-2013 10:23 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I've spent a good deal of time trying to evaluate my feelings and thoughts about the marriage and him and as one of you said earlier in the thread, it's quite obvious that I don't love him anymore. I've reached the point of being hurt too much and can't bring myself to ever trust him again. But how do I tell him I want a divorce? How, when I'm frightened of what his reaction will be? There's been no physical abuse thus far in the relationship, but you hear so many stories of men who kill their girlfriend or spouse when they find out she is leaving him and that scares me to death. How do you know when you can trust someone? Maybe the fact that I'm afraid and unsure of what his reaction will be, that I'm afraid the reaction will be violent, is precisely because the trust is broken. I feel like I don't know who he is, that maybe I never did, and so how can I predict what he will do?

Advice?
Since you have this fear, regardless of how groundless you may feel it is, take it seriously. You may have picked up on something subconsciously. It's better to play it safe IMO. Look, I'm no expert. Got no qualification whatsoever to be commenting.

But: here's what I'd do in your situation. First, think carefully about exactly what you want. If you're sure you want the divorce, then step two is to figure out how you're going to tell him *and* feel safe at the same time.

Maybe go stay with a friend and phone him (don't tell him where you're staying). Alternatively, if you feel that you must do it face to face, maybe tell the friend beforehand and have them waiting with a getaway car. Have multiple friends handy. More friends = more safety. These are suggestions and of course you may have a better way, but remember the objective: tell him and be safe at the same time.

What I would be afraid of, if this was me, would be that I was so scared of telling him that I'd decide to put up with the situation as it is...
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04-01-2013, 11:55 AM
RE: A brief history of Escape Artist...
(04-01-2013 11:24 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(04-01-2013 10:23 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I've spent a good deal of time trying to evaluate my feelings and thoughts about the marriage and him and as one of you said earlier in the thread, it's quite obvious that I don't love him anymore. I've reached the point of being hurt too much and can't bring myself to ever trust him again. But how do I tell him I want a divorce? How, when I'm frightened of what his reaction will be? There's been no physical abuse thus far in the relationship, but you hear so many stories of men who kill their girlfriend or spouse when they find out she is leaving him and that scares me to death. How do you know when you can trust someone? Maybe the fact that I'm afraid and unsure of what his reaction will be, that I'm afraid the reaction will be violent, is precisely because the trust is broken. I feel like I don't know who he is, that maybe I never did, and so how can I predict what he will do?

Advice?
...regardless of how groundless you may feel it is...
It isn't entirely groundless. I suppose the basis of my fears goes back to a few things:

1. As a teenager, he was involved in an incident with a handgun. I won't go into specifics, but apparently because some guys from his school had talked about stealing some items from his aunt and uncle, or otherwise vandalizing their property, he took his uncle's handgun to school. He kept it in his car (in the floorboard or something) but it was found out and he spent a couple of weeks in juvenile detention for it. Since then, and I suppose partly because the gun was not on school property (he parked at a church of all places), it's been expunged from his record. But still - if his knee-jerk reaction was to go home and get a gun, that frightens me.

2. During the period of our marriage in which I was on the road to atheism - just waking up in general to all the various truths around me, especially in regards to him - I "acted out" so to speak. I flirted with some of his buddies in front of him, desperate to get his attention, to get him to see that things were slipping away and that I was desperate for him to give me a reason to hold onto him. I, obviously, still loved him at that time. One night when I was especially flirty with a buddy of his (and was especially drunk) we came home and he was just lying there in the bed next to me, muttering about how he should just kill himself and I know he must've known I was still awake. Because, after being married for so long, you tend to know your partner's sleep patterns and habits and the particular noises they make when they're asleep, etc. And so, knowing he knew I was awake, I have never felt so terrified in my life. I was afraid to go to sleep. Later, I just wrote it off as drunken paranoia, but I just don't know.

3. Other than that, he does have a temper - screaming, yelling - and is very impatient.

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06-01-2013, 07:26 PM
RE: A brief history of Escape Artist...
(17-12-2012 09:35 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  
(17-12-2012 07:56 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  So I've been told. At least from co-workers and some online friends. Family, however is really trying to get me to work things out with him. What's so crappy is that when I first married him, they told me how horrible he was. My mom was telling me the other day, "Draw nigh unto God" and all that mess and I was thinking, "You do know that doesn't mean shit to me anymore, right?"

Of course, the hubby is such an habitual liar that it's quite possible he lied to me about telling her I'm an atheist now.
Fuck the world.
Divorce his useless ass.

It don't matter shit what your family thinks, it don't matter shit what people online think, it don't even matter shit what I think (a very rare case indeed), what matters is that you gotta live with the guy.
You obviously don't love him anymore, he drives you up the wall, he obviously doesn't treat you as an equal partner with respect. I'm sure all he sees you as is an atm and the weekly cleaner. If you wait on guys hands and knees don't expect them to change and complain.
You deserve better, you need better and you should have better.

So I repeat, divorce his useless ass.
What Muffs said, cause I can't come up with anything better. Big Grin

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