A brief history of Escape Artist...
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04-01-2013, 10:23 AM
RE: A brief history of Escape Artist...
Thanks Red Tornado and Endurance Swimmer.

It does sometimes feel like I'm surrounded by religious people, and even some of those who don't go to church or say they don't believe are still sympathetic to it. I know a guy who called it all "straight-up bullshit" but yet he seems to think that it's good for children to believe in God - to have that "eye in the sky" type of motivation to behave. I personally disagree with that and now, as a non-believer, the doctrine of hell seems especially heinous. I regret having perpetuated this myth to my children, though at the time I thought I was warning them against a very-real threat to their well-being.

Anyway, one thing I've really noticed now that I've become a skeptic is just how pervasive religion is in our society (American society, anyway - can't speak for any other cultures). When you're a Christian, there's all this talk of persecution and you're made to feel that those big, bad, evil atheists are out there and have got us surrounded when the truth is that, apparently, atheists are a minority (if my assumption on this is wrong, please correct me). It's the Christians, the religious, that are everywhere and have their foot in everything. I don't know if I'm just especially sensitive to it right now, as a "baby" atheist, but I can't seem to go anywhere without some passing mention of God - people saying "God bless you" when you sneeze, a word of advice from a friend of mine to "pray about" the problems in my marriage, prayer at my children's school, and on and on.

As for the relationship front (what little is left of my sad marriage) things are, well, bad. We got the financial help from my parents that we were needing, but he doesn't want to split the finances. He said I should just take them over. Yes, because that's what I want - to take care of him in every aspect. Censored I don't know that it would've made a difference even if he'd been okay with splitting them because I honestly feel I've been too hurt and that the trust between us is too broken for me to ever love him again, but at least it would've shown that he recognizes he has a problem. I at least would like to think that whoever he moves onto after we split won't be manipulated or taken advantage of like I have been. Not sure why that matters to me, but it does. I wouldn't want another woman to be hurt by him like I have.

Part of me thinks that because I was capable of being taken advantage of, that I deserved to be taken advantage of. But then another part says that a good person would evaluate their actions and the effect they have on their partner and if they recognized that they were being manipulative, would take drastic measures to rectify the situation.

I've spent a good deal of time trying to evaluate my feelings and thoughts about the marriage and him and as one of you said earlier in the thread, it's quite obvious that I don't love him anymore. I've reached the point of being hurt too much and can't bring myself to ever trust him again. But how do I tell him I want a divorce? How, when I'm frightened of what his reaction will be? There's been no physical abuse thus far in the relationship, but you hear so many stories of men who kill their girlfriend or spouse when they find out she is leaving him and that scares me to death. How do you know when you can trust someone? Maybe the fact that I'm afraid and unsure of what his reaction will be, that I'm afraid the reaction will be violent, is precisely because the trust is broken. I feel like I don't know who he is, that maybe I never did, and so how can I predict what he will do?


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RE: A brief history of Escape Artist... - Escape Artist - 04-01-2013 10:23 AM
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