A family dilema
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14-04-2014, 12:08 PM (This post was last modified: 14-04-2014 12:12 PM by Anjele.)
RE: A family dilema
It sounds like you became the easy way out for other members of your family.

I would suggest setting a date that you are going to leave and then informing them that they need to start making arrangements for care.

This is not your responsibility and while it's a wonderful thing that you have taken on the challenge, as you have stated, you are not equipped for this type of care.

The stress of being the caregiver as well as the resentment toward the family that put you in that situation is not the recipe for a good outcome for anyone involved.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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14-04-2014, 12:11 PM
RE: A family dilema
Also, you are not qualified to care for her, regardless of how mean she was to others, she is not receiving the treatment she needs. She needs to be placed somewhere that will give her the proper care for this stage in her life.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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14-04-2014, 12:22 PM
RE: A family dilema
I think Bows and I are channeling each other...
...what she said, I have to agree.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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14-04-2014, 12:44 PM
RE: A family dilema
My father suffered from dementia, and even with full family support, we had to eventually call in professional help.

Things are only going to get worse. If you think you are in over your head now, just wait till a few months down the line. Now is the time to take action. Maybe you should call your family's bluff and set a date to head back to Germany. Talk to the family doctor and explain to him/her that you can no longer cope as the sole care giver and that professional care is needed. Good luck!

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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14-04-2014, 12:52 PM
RE: A family dilema
(13-04-2014 05:29 PM)The Germans are coming Wrote:  I am stuck here in a village in the middle of the alps, which is basicaly a nice place to live if you like sex with cows or your sister and has absolutly nothing to offer besides cows, inbreed farmers and disgusting jokel hillbilly bars.
It sounds like you're living in the German equivalent of Texas. Laugh out load

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14-04-2014, 02:28 PM
RE: A family dilema
No one can take advantage of you without your consent, TGAC. That's what they are doing.

You're right. You are not qualified to care for someone with dementia. Is there no social service office somewhere?

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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14-04-2014, 06:02 PM
RE: A family dilema
(13-04-2014 05:29 PM)The Germans are coming Wrote:  All whilest knowing that I could be in Berlin, having the time of my life and studying statistical or practical mathmatics.

You can study all that shit online now. Self-study is ultimately the only form of study. Only difference is paying to be spoonfed pablum and eating on your own. And the credentials of course. But if you self-study in advance you can pretty much just show up for tests. I've done it from books alone. Didn't have no internet back in the day.

(13-04-2014 05:29 PM)The Germans are coming Wrote:  Several years ago I emigrated to Germany leaving my native Austria behind. I started nightschool had a job and everything went according to plans I made until I had to go back home.
I am stuck here in the village that I grew up in taking care of my grandmother who is slowly starting to go dement.

Does Gramma own the house? 'Cause make sure that shit's yours when she passes. Fair payment for years of care and shit.

#sigh
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14-04-2014, 06:12 PM
RE: A family dilema
(14-04-2014 12:03 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  call social services yourself. Tell them that you will no longer be employed as her caretaker after a particular date- so they need to find a placement for her. If they want the info for your relatives, give it.

Send a written letter to your relatives that you are quitting your "caretaking job, have contacted social services, and on [particular date] you will be leaving town for your new life.

Don't give anyone options.

Just make your plans. There comes a time and place when they have to step up and deal with THEIR mother once and for all. Whether its paying for her care, making her a ward of the state.....whatever, but dumping on you is no longer an option.

THIS!! You have every right to move on from this situation. Set a date, contact whatever social services are available in your area, and move on.

I'm really sorry your family is putting you in this situation, they have no right to do so Hug

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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