A mother's essay: "Just Once, I’d Like Someone to Take Care of Me"
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13-02-2016, 02:29 PM
A mother's essay: "Just Once, I’d Like Someone to Take Care of Me"
http://www.babble.com/relationships/just...are-of-me/

This is definitely one of the most powerful articles I've read in recent times and it shows that the woman who wrote it is a talented writer. I can only imagine how much her writing will resonate with anyone in a similar situation since it already impacted me, someone who is neither a mother nor married, in a profound way. I do recognize her struggles from an outsider's perspective, though: That of my own mother. My father was unfortunately, partly due to his own faults and partly due to his disability, very much like the man who was mentioned in this article. It didn't matter that she was sick or stressed out or had a fight, she had to take care of him, my siblings and me every day, no matter what. Mothers are some of the strongest people there are and it's shameful that so many of them have to endure their struggles either alone, without a network of support, and/or without ever getting a break.

I hope with all my heart that I'm going to be a much better husband to my future wife than my father and the man this woman decided to marry married was.

To all the mothers and wives on TTA: I'd love to hear your thoughts on this essay, especially in comparison to your own experiences.

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13-02-2016, 03:08 PM
RE: A mother's essay: "Just Once, I’d Like Someone to Take Care of Me"
I really can't relate to most of it. My husband, while refusing to celebrate holidays like Valentines Day or Mother's Day, is actually rather considerate. More than once, when I've been unwell, he's completely stepped up -- and didn't complain either.

He does very often place my needs or the needs of our family ahead of his own. I, in return, take care of him, to make his life easier. (A good woman should make your dick hard, not your life)

One thing I've learned in nearly 27 years of marriage is that you're marrying an already complete person. They might change on their own (ideals do change) but you can't change or fix things about them or go into with the idea that you can.

If they're slightly inconsiderate or selfish, it's not very likely to ever change and might cause friction or resentment later on.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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13-02-2016, 03:24 PM
RE: A mother's essay: "Just Once, I’d Like Someone to Take Care of Me"
I cried through the entire article. Hurts too much to go into detail. Ok, fine, still crying.

I felt like I was a caged bird when I was married. I had to give up a lot for my freedom.

"Your mother loves your father, 'cause she's got nowhere to go"
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"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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13-02-2016, 03:32 PM
RE: A mother's essay: "Just Once, I’d Like Someone to Take Care of Me"
Like Moms, I have a hard time relating to the essayist.

There's a bunch of martyr moms that I know who complain that their husband never helps with tasks or supports them, but when probed a bit further, those moms have actually refused to let their husbands, or kids, help because they do things "wrong." When my husband does the dishes he puts the plates in the rack the opposite of the way I do; when he folds the laundry he puts the clothes in a different order; when he balances the checkbook he puts dashes instead of 00s; when he takes my son to his music lessons he goes to Starbucks while I sit in the lounge and wait. I don't care, but I know women who do, who decide to do all of the dishes and other tasks themselves, and then feel stressed and put-upon because of that. My sympathy for women who put themselves in such a position and then whine about it is limited, at best.

I have been the chief child wrangler in our household, the one who writes stuff on the calendar, does more of the teacher conferences and doctors and therapists appointments. Our child, now 18, is autistic, there have been a lot of appointments, and I was the person who changed careers to a more flexible one so that we could manage our kid, but my husband has always been a part of the process and has made his own sacrifices that are equivalent to mine. He does as much housework as I do, has gone to some of the teacher conferences, drives our son to some of his weekly appointments and rehearsals, and a lot more.

We support each other without having to guilt one another into that. Fortunately (so far) when one of us is at the breaking point, the other is not.

I can understand why the essay writer feels stressed, but I feel she's contributing to much of her own misery and suggest that she stand up for herself with her family and ask for the help she needs.
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