A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
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02-01-2012, 10:45 AM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
What is the difference between God and a creationist?
God is unlimitedly merciful and a creationist is unmercifully limited.

If you claim there are nuances to principles, there are no nuances to getting arrested or shot for disobeying the power.
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02-01-2012, 06:09 PM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
An american is drinking in a UK pub when a guy walks in and sits down next to him at the bar. The American watches in amazement as the man takes off his hat and lays it on the bar......under the hat is a small man who he also places carefully on the bar before reaching in his pocket and pulling out a small piano and stool.

The little man sits at the piano and starts to play the most amazing (if not quiet) renditions.

"wow where did you get that little guy from?" asks the american. The man explains to him that he found a magic lamp and after rubbing it a genie appeared.......the genie gave him the little man.

"can I see the lamp and rub it for myself" asks the american. The man is slightly reluctant but after some encouragement he goes to his car and comes back in with this tatty battered lamp and gives it to the american.

The american rubs it and WOOOSSHHHHHH a genie appears and says he will grant him one wish and that he is to whisper the wish in the genies ear.......the american leans forward and whispers something, the genie nods and goes back in the lamp and in an instant all of a sudden the whole bar is full of ducks to the ceiling. Somehow in all of the chaos the pubs two main doors are opened and after some time and a lot of ruffling of feathers the pub is emptied of the ducks.

"what the hell was that about" asks the american "I aksked for a million bucks not a million ducks"

The man replies and says "yes I forgot to mention the genie is a bit deaf........do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianoist"

Meanwhile across the road in another pub..........

A guy is sitting in a pub when a man approaches him and asks if he would like to buy a ferret........the guy asks why would he want to buy a ferret off someone in a pub and the man replies that this ferret is trained to give the best Oral sex a man can recieve. The guy laughs and tells him to go away but the other man is deadly serious and offers the man the chance to test the ferret out for free in the toilet and if he didnt like the results then the man would give the guy £1000 as he is so confident on its abilities of "ferret felatio" Tongue

The guy.....thinking of the money.....agrees to give it a go and dissappears off to the toilet with the ferret. Twenty minutes later the guy leaves the pub with a slightly red face and a spring in his step and promptly buys the ferret.

When he gets home later that night he realises he has forgotten his key so he has to knock on the door and wake everybody up in the house to get in.......after a few minutes a light goes on and his wife answers the door and says "what time do you call this and what the hell is that"

"its a ferret" says the guy

"A ferret........what do you want me to do with a bloody ferret"

The guy thinks for a second and says "teach it to cook and then fuck off"

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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04-01-2012, 03:49 PM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
A paedophile, a liar and a priest walk into a restaurant
and the waitress asks "Your regular table sir?"

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Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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05-01-2012, 09:14 AM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
Q: Why do elephants have red eyes?
A: So they can hide better in the cherry tree
Q: Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? No? That's because of the red eyes!

Q: Why is the elephant wearing red socks?
A: Because the blue socks are in the laundry.

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05-01-2012, 09:19 AM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
What do you call a bird that flies into a lawnmower?

Shredded tweet

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05-01-2012, 01:38 PM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
two tomatoes cross the street. Says one to the other "Tom, catch up"

maybe it's funnier when you say it Big Grin

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05-01-2012, 01:40 PM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
A lettuce, a hose, and a tomato were having a race. How did it end up?

The lettuce was ahead, the hose was running, and the tomato had to catch up.

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21-12-2012, 10:12 AM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
Muffsybooboo

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21-12-2012, 10:59 AM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
Copycat. Dodgy

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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21-12-2012, 11:45 AM
RE: A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar...
(21-12-2012 10:59 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  Copycat. Dodgy
Your mom.

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