A question about women and relationships
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25-02-2011, 03:28 PM
RE: A question about women and relationships
My advice is to stop trying to "pick up" women and just meet and talk to women as part of what you do in daily life. Also, don't meet women with any intentions of getting anywhere at all. Remove the self-created pressure to achieve and just see who is out there. Sooner or later you will find women you can talk to and get along with. These will be the best choices for you because they will see you as you are and not as the act you are putting on to get ahead with them. If a woman is attracted to the character you are playing, you will have to continue to play that charcter to keep her. That can be a self-created prison.

One of the worst things you can do is show that you need to score or get ahead with a woman. This is a big turn-off for most women because it shows a lack of confidence. If you don't care whether you get to first base or not, you have the freedom to be yourself, which does show confidence and a lot more women will find you attractive.

1. Be yourself.
2. Meet women just to meet women.
3. Harbor no intentions.
4. Stop trying so hard.
5. Be confident in the fact that, if you relax and be yourself you will be more successful.
6. Ignore any doubts you have.
7. If you are afraid to talk to a particular woman, forget about her. Do you want to be in a relationship where you are afraid to open your mouth?

Been there, done that. Now I have a wonderful lady friend and she is well worth the wait. Big Grin

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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25-02-2011, 03:50 PM (This post was last modified: 25-02-2011 04:00 PM by omega21.)
RE: A question about women and relationships
(24-02-2011 12:00 PM)Dregs Wrote:  I can't answer your question directly (I have a penis), but I fear this could easily turn on you. You say "they" as in women "are not attracted to you. Which women are talking about? The really hot attractive ones with big boobs, or the pimply girl in the second row with A cups, and a bad overbite? I think everyone has to have an array of criteria some of which are attractiveness and wealth. Maybe a women wants an attractive man with at least ambition if not already sucessful, but too much ambition/sucess, and too attractive could be vain, or possibly career over wife? I've just always found the dating thing to be far too complicated to say women/men want X. Plus like I said in my opening many complaints about not being able to "find" somebody is better said that they can't find a specific somebody.

I am refering to all of them in general, but I do know what you mean. It is hard to find a specific someone to enjoy life with.
(24-02-2011 03:02 PM)Diclonius Wrote:  It all depends on the woman. The majority of women that I've seen actually do NOT care about money and looks. What really sells the relationship idea for a woman is a guy who is future-minded. In this I mean that, he might not have a lot of money now, but would he be willing to attempt to get a job and money if kids were involved. A lot of women want to eventually settle down, meaning the guy they're looking for needs to have that in his future plans. If the guy is only interested in a fling, then chances are most women aren't interested. Although I do know a lot of women interested in flings as well.

This is an interesting comment. Maybe I just jumped to conclusions. Being a college student myself I am future minded. Always I am thinking about getting a good job, and being succesful. Hopefully that will help me get someone.
(24-02-2011 07:01 PM)Lilith Pride Wrote:  There are a lot of people they can connect with? Women go through countless relationships that fail just like men, because they can't really live with whomever they at first decide is a good choice. I've lived on both sides =p so I can say a bit. Fear of rejection and lack of interest happen on both sides. Women also have an increased worry that relationships will becoming abusive. Add onto this that many women are still raised to believe that the best way to live is to find a man capable of handling life for them, and of course women tend to look to certain charismatic men who have all these qualities. Yes women get more propositions, but this is how the world has worked and children have been taught for a very long time.

Relationships have never been cut and dry, you'll have your chances and maybe they'll work maybe they won't. If women aren't coming to you then start going to them, even if you mess up you'll do better the next time. The main thing a lot of women want is security which can be gained without having all too much money. I say a lot because there's also women who seek people who are obviously going to cause trouble. Relationships have always been about taking a hell of a lot of chances and trying to get lucky. You either get lucky, settle, or live alone. There's not a serious difference between male and female on this.

I see what you are saying. I have noticed that a lot of relationships do actually end up failing, and I do believe you in that everyone does struggle with fear when it comes to not being able to find someone, and being rejected. Also I like your intake on relationships it has plenty of truth to it.
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25-02-2011, 04:02 PM
RE: A question about women and relationships
(25-02-2011 03:50 PM)omega21 Wrote:  It is hard to find a specific someone to enjoy life with.

Yes it is. That is why it is so special. The same reason that gold is more valuable than dirt.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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25-02-2011, 04:05 PM (This post was last modified: 25-02-2011 04:14 PM by omega21.)
RE: A question about women and relationships
(24-02-2011 08:16 PM)BnW Wrote:  Given that there are over 3 billion women on the planet earth, I think it's funny that someone would ask a general question about what they all like.

omega - just a couple of thoughts on the topic. First, don't worry so much on the dates/gifts things. You're looking for a relationship, not a hooker. Second, attraction is a very individual thing. Everyone has things they like and things they don't like in the opposite (or same, if that's your thing) sex. There is no standard "rule" about what is attractive. And, it changes as we age. It also becomes dependent on how you feel about a person. My wife and I have been together for 15 years. When we first met we were both at the gym at least 5 days a week. 15 years, 2 kids, a mortgage, etc. later, neither of us is as young or as fit as we were 15 years ago (although I'm still a 42 year old Adonis, if I do say so myself). At 27 I doubt I would have been attracted to a woman in her mid 40s but after 15 years together I'm still very attracted to my wife, and a lot of that has to do with my feelings for her.

Anyway, I guess the point is this: everyone likes something else. Don't worry about what you don't have or what someone else does have. Find a girl who you make laugh and who you can make smile. Looks fade, people get old, but someone who makes you laugh and smile is someone you will be attracted to forever.

This is a good post. I understand what you are saying in that it is important to find someone that makes you smile. I wish many more great years for your family. As always thanks for your advice.
(24-02-2011 09:12 PM)trillium13 Wrote:  This is an interesting thread, and I think you will get a lot of different answers.

There is a Christian college in the next town over. (what am I saying, there are a million of them) Their unofficial slogan is, "ring by spring or your money back!" A big part of the culture here is for women to find a guy who will marry them, support them, and father them a bunch of kids. There are definitely a lot of vapid females here who really are only interested in having a man take care of them, set them up in a fancy house, buy them a fancy car, pay for their shopping trips, and make them pregnant. Are they happy when they get it? Nope. Lots of miserable bitches around here too. They grow up to be fat and nasty and bitter and bitchy. It's pretty typical.

Now, with that said, not all of us are like that, obviously. If you're getting a vibe that this is all a particular woman cares about, then this is probably not the woman for you. (unless you're into that) I think a lot of people have unrealistic expectations about what a relationship should be. Not all men are knights in shining armor ready to whisk the woman away. Not all women are porn stars with huge boobs. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. Wink

Not all of us can be drop dead gorgeous or rich or both. I think most reasonable people understand that. Do women like little gifts here and there? Of course! But mostly she wants to know that you're thinking about her, that you care about what she thinks and feels, that you're there for her always, and that you love and accept her because of who she is, not despite who she is.

I hope some of that made sense. Smile

Yes, this made sense. I enjoyed reading it. That is a bold statement for a christian college or any college in general in that it would probably turn people away. I also agree with the fact that a lot of people have unrealistic expectations on relationships. When I get a girl I will be sure to think of her always, and treat her with the respect she deserves Smile
(25-02-2011 03:28 PM)No J. Wrote:  My advice is to stop trying to "pick up" women and just meet and talk to women as part of what you do in daily life. Also, don't meet women with any intentions of getting anywhere at all. Remove the self-created pressure to achieve and just see who is out there. Sooner or later you will find women you can talk to and get along with. These will be the best choices for you because they will see you as you are and not as the act you are putting on to get ahead with them. If a woman is attracted to the character you are playing, you will have to continue to play that charcter to keep her. That can be a self-created prison.

One of the worst things you can do is show that you need to score or get ahead with a woman. This is a big turn-off for most women because it shows a lack of confidence. If you don't care whether you get to first base or not, you have the freedom to be yourself, which does show confidence and a lot more women will find you attractive.

1. Be yourself.
2. Meet women just to meet women.
3. Harbor no intentions.
4. Stop trying so hard.
5. Be confident in the fact that, if you relax and be yourself you will be more successful.
6. Ignore any doubts you have.
7. If you are afraid to talk to a particular woman, forget about her. Do you want to be in a relationship where you are afraid to open your mouth?

Been there, done that. Now I have a wonderful lady friend and she is well worth the wait. Big Grin

Thanks for your advice. I do actually need to do a better job of being myself. Also I do have problems with trying too hard sometimes, like you said I need to relax. You are also right in that I need to find a girl that I am comfortable around and can talk to casually.
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25-02-2011, 04:37 PM
RE: A question about women and relationships
(24-02-2011 09:12 PM)trillium13 Wrote:  Not all of us can be drop dead gorgeous or rich or both. I think most reasonable people understand that. Do women like little gifts here and there? Of course! But mostly she wants to know that you're thinking about her, that you care about what she thinks and feels, that you're there for her always, and that you love and accept her because of who she is, not despite who she is.
This one should be golden for you Omega. +1 rep Trillium!
(25-02-2011 03:28 PM)No J. Wrote:  1. Be yourself.
2. Meet women just to meet women.
3. Harbor no intentions.
4. Stop trying so hard.
5. Be confident in the fact that, if you relax and be yourself you will be more successful.
6. Ignore any doubts you have.
7. If you are afraid to talk to a particular woman, forget about her. Do you want to be in a relationship where you are afraid to open your mouth?
8. Get familiar with that subtle form of communication woman use. Women and men have totally different ways of talking/thinking.

Omega21
Should you run into a women who chooses you because you the richest guy at the party I suggest you run like hell
You don't, you really really don't, need that sort of person in your life!

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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25-02-2011, 06:21 PM
RE: A question about women and relationships
@BnW
I already lost 30 pounds last summer with an exercise bike and some weights at home.I can do it again.I just need to summon up the willpower.
I went to gyms during college , very few girls did show up , and most of the time I was like the odd misfit at a body-builder convention.

@trillium13
OK , I'll bite - how did you manage ?
I do go online a lot but not on social sites.I did have a myspace account I only entered 3 or 4 times in an entire year before shutting it down.Besides , I'm not that comfortable putting my pics online.

@NoJ
OK , how do I "just meet girls" - whether I like it or not , the tension is still there.
I'm not much of a social buff , so finding a location may be a problem.

Atheism is a religion like OFF is a TV channel !!!

Proud of my genetic relatives Big Grin
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25-02-2011, 10:21 PM
RE: A question about women and relationships
(25-02-2011 06:21 PM)gaglamesh731 Wrote:  @trillium13
OK , I'll bite - how did you manage ?
I do go online a lot but not on social sites.I did have a myspace account I only entered 3 or 4 times in an entire year before shutting it down.Besides , I'm not that comfortable putting my pics online.

I assume you mean how I met the husband. Big Grin

We met on this website:

http://www.fark.com/

There was some thread going about vulvoplasty of all things. I posted something like wtf, I never really thought about this, and he posted a comment offering to write me a poem. His email was in his profile, so I bit. Wink It was sort of strange-we really had an instant connection, even through email. After a few days we started IM'ing, and about a week later he drove 1500 miles to visit me. We were both hooked. Smile About 6 weeks after that, I uprooted my life and moved to the bible belt. (how he came to live here is a whole other story) I don't regret one thing, even though we both despise living here. We won't be for too much longer.

I was definitely not looking. I was recently divorced and enjoying living alone. We made a real connection though, completely by chance, and I can say that I have truly met my partner and I can't imagine my life without him. Things happen when you least expect them! Big Grin

My reason for being is to serve as a cat cushion. That is good enough for me. Wink
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26-02-2011, 01:38 PM
 
RE: A question about women and relationships
(24-02-2011 11:21 AM)omega21 Wrote:  Do women put a lot of emphasis on money and looks when it comes to relationships? I mean there are so many people that they can easily find a personality that they like among multiple people. Of those multiple people wouldn't it just be realistic for women to go with the guy that has plenty of money, and good looks? I have an on campus job, so for now I can afford dates and gifts. I am still single however but I guess it is because I look really young for my age and they are not attracted to me physically. Also it seems all the guys who have girlfriends have money and they are guys that many girls think look attractive.

All in all the question is do women bring in money and looks majorily when it comes to choosing a partner? The evidence seems to be supporting me when it comes to personal experiences.

Yea, some women do look for looks and money, but I also bet they don't care about the guys personality at all. If a women won't date you because you don't have enough money, she is not even worth your time.

As for looks, I won't lie and tell you they are irrelevant. You can't start a relationship with someone you are not physically attracted to on some level. But with that being said, there are so many women out there all with different 'tastes'. You say you look young for your age? I bet there are a lot of women who find that attractive. I don't believe in setting a standard for what's attractive and what isn't, I believe every single person is attractive in their own way (For example, I don't find athletes or any male models attractive at all, I am more attracted to nerds XD). I guess the difficult part is finding someone, but it's not impossible Smile
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26-02-2011, 05:02 PM
RE: A question about women and relationships
trillium
You're on of the lucky ones.
Best wished to you and your husband.
Me - I'm not the lucky guy.
I honestly have discussions with women at times and feel I'm making first contact with an alien race.I can't get ANY vibes.I don't get any subtle hints - nothing.
It just feels weird and awkward.

Atheism is a religion like OFF is a TV channel !!!

Proud of my genetic relatives Big Grin
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26-02-2011, 05:04 PM
RE: A question about women and relationships
(25-02-2011 06:21 PM)gaglamesh731 Wrote:  @NoJ
OK , how do I "just meet girls" - whether I like it or not , the tension is still there.
I'm not much of a social buff , so finding a location may be a problem.

Forget location. Start a conversation with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Any conversation you make with anyone is good practice for making conversations with women. It teaches you the art talking. Ask questions and listen to the answers, without putting your two-cents in. That teaches you how to listen. The more people (men and women) that you can talk to, the easier it becomes to talk to everyone, including women.

You - "Where are you off to today?"
Person X - "Work."
You - "What do you do?"
Person X - "I am a professional hitman."
You - "Is it anything like the movies or is Hollywood way off base?"
Person X - Blah, blah, blah.
You - That's interesting. Have a nice day.

Don't get too personal. Keep it safely casual. And yes, there are those not worth talking to. Don't practice on them.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Richard Dawkins comes to me, speaking words of reason, now I see, now I see.
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