A question for you who fell out with family
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23-02-2012, 04:03 AM
RE: A question for you who fell out with family
(23-02-2012 12:04 AM)Ben Wrote:  That's incredibly dangerous. Your child could have died.

Yeah, she also let go of her hand while crossing a road and other things. Luckily me and wifey have always been closeby and watching out.

(23-02-2012 12:16 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  For the record, I doubt anyone would blame you for closing off all contact. But I get that she's your mom and has a special place in your heart, so that might sound too drastic.
I guess the way I feel about this sort of thing is you can take all the space you need--even to the extent that it seems like, for a while, you've broken off all contact. But you do this without making any verbal proclamation. The idea I'm trying to get at here is I think it's possible to create space without severing ties. And it may be you need to consider the ties severed, without actually severing them outloud with your mom. The advantage to this is it lets you go back to her anytime you decide it is safe, without having to deal with the damage of an officially damaged relationship.

Probably all a bunch of late night rambles, but I'd say it seems like you've been doing a pretty good job so far and it's just a matter of creating the boundaries you need to feel like you and your family are emotionally safe.

We have, in periods, closed off contact. Now that we're expecting a second child my mother has begun reaching out to us again. I've put down the ground rules that we always meet in a public place and that my wife never has to meet her... breaks my damn heart though, that my children won't have her around for birthdays and such.

(23-02-2012 02:05 AM)Starcrash Wrote:  Speaking of Facebook, that's the distance that I keep my Christian friends and relatives at. She may not be satisfied with a relationship by phone or via Facebook, but it seems to be a good compromise for me personally, and may work for you, too.

That's the thing, she snoops around, finds us on forums and such(not worried about TTA though, not likely she'll come here ;-)) and then talk slander with friends about what we say. Facebook is where I blocked her first, and then I had to block mutual friends and relatives. I'd rather meet her in person than have her seeing everything I write on facebook.

The worst thing is the guilt though, my daughter crying cause she miss her grandmother(or the treats she constantly feed her when we're not looking). I wish I could just stop caring about her, but it's hard to cut the ties when she practically raised me alone. I owe her something, atleast.
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23-02-2012, 10:10 AM
RE: A question for you who fell out with family
She has demonstrated with the vaccine thing that her crazy beliefs are to the point that she would actually be willing to put your child's life in danger over them.

Arguing over baptism/religion/God is one thing. Direct physical harm is another. Separating contact with family should be a last, last, last, last, last resort. However, unless I'm missing something here I'd say you were at that point.

The other thing I would say is, I am NOT a doctor. However it sounds like your mother is beyond the typical devout religious category and into the category of needing some serious professional mental health assessment. I don't know what country you are in, but in the U.S. we do not handle mental health very well. People brush off insane behavior with a multitude of excuses for their loved ones when what they really need is psychological evaluation.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide.
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23-02-2012, 12:32 PM
RE: A question for you who fell out with family
(23-02-2012 10:10 AM)Superluminal Wrote:  She has demonstrated with the vaccine thing that her crazy beliefs are to the point that she would actually be willing to put your child's life in danger over them.

Arguing over baptism/religion/God is one thing. Direct physical harm is another. Separating contact with family should be a last, last, last, last, last resort. However, unless I'm missing something here I'd say you were at that point.

The other thing I would say is, I am NOT a doctor. However it sounds like your mother is beyond the typical devout religious category and into the category of needing some serious professional mental health assessment. I don't know what country you are in, but in the U.S. we do not handle mental health very well. People brush off insane behavior with a multitude of excuses for their loved ones when what they really need is psychological evaluation.

I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate every opinion and advice I get.

I'll have to say, that if this behavior goes on, cutting her off will happen, though I'm reluctant to take that step...

About the mental health bit, my wife and I have discussed it, and we speculate that my mothers "self-treated" Hyperthyroidism
might be what is causing some of her craziness, though she has always been somewhat... unstable.

Wikipedia Wrote:"Major clinical signs include weight loss (often accompanied by an increased appetite), anxiety, intolerance to heat, hair loss, muscle aches, weakness, fatigue, hyperactivity, irritability, hypoglycemia, apathy, polyuria, polydipsia, delirium..."


I've even suggested that since nervous issues can be symptoms of untreated hyperthyroidism, she should check it out. But she is of course 'cured' by means of homeopathy and change in lifestyle...

She also blatantly deny some of the things she has done over the years...
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