A witchy life (my story)
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18-12-2011, 04:21 PM
A witchy life (my story)
Hi,

I would like to share a bit about my ex-religion. I post it here and hope it fits in this section.

Many may say witchcraft is not a religion because it has a lot of branches that actually have a real name. Most commonly known Wicca and Voodo.
I see it a bit like with christianity and it's branches catholic, orthodox, etc...

So I did not follow a specific cult, I was a so called "chaos witch" which means that I practiced mostly on my own. I followed the common witchcraft rules (more about that a bit later) and took care that nothing crosses in a way that it is not supposed to but apart from that I did what I felt was right.

I got into witchcraft with about 13.
I never had a witch who taught me things.
I started with tarot and the pendulum.

When we moved and I got into a new school etc I wasn't active for a little while. But I always kept believing. My mother had a friend who would read my hand lines. We talked openly about reincarnation and things like that and that friend would also read us tarot. Of course I absorbed as much information as I could because I had no money to buy books and we had no computer at home. There were documentations about ghosts and spirits and my mother watched that with me. There was never a talk after something like that, so I didn't question.

I started feeling observed by dead spirits that can't move on when I was 14 or 15. And I did not know a way to get rid of those spirits, I became scared of the dark and of sounds that were unfamiliar etc. My mother told me spooky stories that happened to her when she was younger, and these stories just made it worse.
By that time I believed in the actual existence of a devil or demon or something like that and I was very scared of that, too. I wouldn't even sit on a chair bare feet because I thought if my bare feet are visible to that thing it will take me or hurt me.

I will jump in time a bit now.
So when I had my first own place one of the first things I got was a computer and internet, of course Wink
So I researched - not science of course. I had to research witchcraft. I found people on the internet who believed the same things. That was in chats and in forums. And I learned a lot of things. About rituals and energies and nature and respect and natural rules.

The two most important rules were:
- Respect every living or dead thing (dead as in stone or so).
- Don't do or think bad things because they come back 3 times as bad.

Getting to know people like me had two sides:
The good side was that I didn't feel alone anymore. I got a lot of tips to protect myself from all the evil things I believed in. The spirits and demons and bad energies. I learned how to do rituals the right way. I learned A LOT about respect because the people I met actually spread respect. I have never seen that in ANY religion. But everyone was welcome, you could be a christian witch and it would be fine for these people, you could call yourself anything, you would still be respected and welcomed in the comunity. Everyone helped everyone > Someone "shooed away" a spirit that was bothering me. (By that I actually felt spirits touching me)
Bad side was that I was constantly in fear that someone could read all my thoughts so I started to always tell what I think. No holding back at all. I was also afraid that maybe someone who is against us might attack me with that energy based form of battling with your mind I had learned about and that I had studied myself.

I learned so much.
How to put a protective energetic shield around myself.
How to ... mind battle (sorry I have no better word in english)
How to perform all kinds of rituals.
How to heal with my hands.
How to read other people's minds and emotions.
About runes and more tarot and pendulum and candles and crystals and numerology and colors and letters and months and horoscope and and and and
How to make ointments and teas and oils and soaps (which might be the only good thing I got out of this whole thing)
My mind was so stuffed with all these things.

At some point I got a student. I was 23 by that time. I had decided for myself that I can't believe in Gods (which is normally pretty common in these circles). Also I found out that I am a dragon in another spiritual realm.
I had started acting really weird. I would indeed go outside and hug a tree or tell friends that I couldn't stay because all the emotions of the other people around me would disturb me too much. Of course I pretty much lost my friends because they thought I went crazy.
So my student was a 13 year old boy. His father knew about me and even had my phone number just in case. So I taught him things, sometimes via chat, sometimes he would visit, sometimes we would meet somewhere. We were in constant contact and all his questions actually got me thinking. But not enough to leave all this.
In these circles it is a big thing if you actually have a kind of teacher like what I was. And at some point this teacher will bless you. Normally the student would perform his first ritual together or under supervision and get something useful. I didn't have a teacher but well i was one. So at some point the time came and my student would get his blessing. I prepared a nice ritual and a notebook, which you might know from TV as "book of shaddows". Well not everyone calls it that. For me it was simply a notebook. So we went and did the ritual outside in a patch of forest near my place. It was really nice actually.

After that we started getting deeper into the topics of witchcraft. I taught him meditation (I used to meditate a lot since I was 9) and all the other things that I knew. When I didn't know I told him so and asked him to wait a bit because I have to find out myself.
Btw that is also a big part there, that you are mature enough to accept that you will never be done learning, that everyone keeps studying. So this was not a sign of weakness, it actually earned me more respect.
Only the more my student asked the more I had to research and explain and find weird excuses that made things sound logical and correct even on a scientific basis.

At some point I had to drop some of my believes because of logic. And the more I tried things the less - so it seemed - they worked.
So I dropped and dropped and dropped. One thing after the other. But at the time I had already started a real business. I was making things for witchcraft and selling them, like wands and rune sets and so on. So while I lost all my faith I had that business running. Which I found totally weird.
And at that point I met a man, who is now my husband, who also had just lost his (christian) faith. And the more we talked the more of my faith I lost.

I am unwitched since two years now Smile

*PHEW* that felt good to get it out of the system

Thanks for reading

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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18-12-2011, 04:29 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
Interesting story Leela - definitely a difererent perspective! Thanks for sharing!

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18-12-2011, 04:34 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
(18-12-2011 04:29 PM)Seasbury Wrote:  Interesting story Leela - definitely a difererent perspective! Thanks for sharing!

Call me a copycat if you will, but I "ditto" Sean's statement. Smile

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-12-2011, 04:47 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
.... I've always liked wichcraft ideas about their respect for the "life and death" of things.. I would have been a warlock but decided many years ago to just keep my studies on the subject for educational purposes only and never actually tried to pracitce or get into a group.

Thanks for your story.... good reading!

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
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18-12-2011, 05:28 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
(18-12-2011 04:47 PM)ddrew Wrote:  .... I've always liked wichcraft ideas about their respect for the "life and death" of things.. I would have been a warlock but decided many years ago to just keep my studies on the subject for educational purposes only and never actually tried to pracitce or get into a group.

Thanks for your story.... good reading!

Thank the Deities, you didn't continue. Can you imagine a drunk warlock on the loose?

Leela, can you share a bit, maybe, about how it felt to let go of those beliefs? If I understood you correctly, you dropped beliefs, sort of one by one as logic became more of a force in your mind. But I'm curious if there was any social impact for you? Did anyone try to convince you back into the fold, or, I don't know, even try to somehow coerce you through magic? Do you stay in contact with those folks anymore?

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-12-2011, 05:42 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
Wait ... where's all the sex? I thought witches were like crazyass sexual creatures. Have I been biased by watching too much True Blood?

(18-12-2011 04:21 PM)Leela Wrote:  Also I found out that I am a dragon in another spiritual realm.

Got me a bear over there. Albeit a fat, docile, domesticated diabetic Mama Grizzly. But still a bear. Just need a little occasional pharmaceutical help to walk and talk with her whenever I feel the need.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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18-12-2011, 07:15 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
(18-12-2011 05:28 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(18-12-2011 04:47 PM)ddrew Wrote:  .... I've always liked wichcraft ideas about their respect for the "life and death" of things.. I would have been a warlock but decided many years ago to just keep my studies on the subject for educational purposes only and never actually tried to pracitce or get into a group.

Thanks for your story.... good reading!

Thank the Deities, you didn't continue. Can you imagine a drunk warlock on the loose?

KC would be in serious trouble if that were the case lol....

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
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18-12-2011, 07:17 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
(18-12-2011 07:15 PM)ddrew Wrote:  
(18-12-2011 05:28 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  
(18-12-2011 04:47 PM)ddrew Wrote:  .... I've always liked wichcraft ideas about their respect for the "life and death" of things.. I would have been a warlock but decided many years ago to just keep my studies on the subject for educational purposes only and never actually tried to pracitce or get into a group.

Thanks for your story.... good reading!

Thank the Deities, you didn't continue. Can you imagine a drunk warlock on the loose?

KC would be in serious trouble if that were the case lol....

I like KC, but I'd pay good money to see you turn him into a Newt.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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18-12-2011, 07:19 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
(18-12-2011 07:17 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  I like KC, but I'd pay good money to see you turn him into a Newt.

I like KC too... which is why I'd have so much fun fuckin' with him if I were a drunk warlock on the loose...

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
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18-12-2011, 07:21 PM
RE: A witchy life (my story)
(18-12-2011 07:19 PM)ddrew Wrote:  
(18-12-2011 07:17 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  I like KC, but I'd pay good money to see you turn him into a Newt.

I like KC too... which is why I'd have so much fun fuckin' with him if I were a drunk warlock on the loose...

Hehe...good point. It's much more fun to torment someone we like.
Maybe Leela has some suggestions for us. Big Grin

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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