AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
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22-03-2017, 12:34 AM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
(21-03-2017 11:56 PM)ImFred Wrote:  Cool.

I may have been a little dickishly persnickety about it. I think I'm still kind of hypersensitive about it.

It's all good my friend. We are all striving for the same goal. How you get there is best left to the individual.

I get to decide what my life looks like, not the other way around.
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22-03-2017, 03:49 AM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
That's why AA is so maddening for me sometimes. There's almost nothing else where I live and I'm pretty sure I need it because when I tried to dry out on my own when I relapsed it was really bad. It could very well totally be placebo but I got it in my head now that I need AA. There's so much shit they need to reform but they're total fundamentalist. But when you get in there you find a lot of people feel like I do. That sense of community based around sobriety is too great a weapon for me to give up on. Also readjusting to a new lifestyle after years of nearly daily drunken oblivion. How it's hard for people to change their perception of you. Like can I or even should I be trusted to help care for my mother. What it's like for my wife to suddenly have a husband who isn't shitfaced every night even though I was already like that when we married. She likes it but it's an adjustment. It's so hard to dry out but you can't expect people to just say hey he stopped drinking now we can depend on him. You have to earn that over time. People in AA have lived through all this.
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22-03-2017, 06:29 AM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
(22-03-2017 03:49 AM)ImFred Wrote:  That's why AA is so maddening for me sometimes. There's almost nothing else where I live and I'm pretty sure I need it because when I tried to dry out on my own when I relapsed it was really bad. It could very well totally be placebo but I got it in my head now that I need AA. There's so much shit they need to reform but they're total fundamentalist. But when you get in there you find a lot of people feel like I do. That sense of community based around sobriety is too great a weapon for me to give up on. Also readjusting to a new lifestyle after years of nearly daily drunken oblivion. How it's hard for people to change their perception of you. Like can I or even should I be trusted to help care for my mother. What it's like for my wife to suddenly have a husband who isn't shitfaced every night even though I was already like that when we married. She likes it but it's an adjustment. It's so hard to dry out but you can't expect people to just say hey he stopped drinking now we can depend on him. You have to earn that over time. People in AA have lived through all this.

I agree with everything you said.

My issue with AA was / is much like your's but I just couldn't take the praying and the entire God issue and releasing it to a higher power. As I mentioned before, I certainly don't take anything away from AA because it is such a great program and helps so many. But my belief system wouldn't let me get past those issues that I mentioned. I highly recommend AA still to people that suffer with addiction as it does work.

You bring up a very good point about others outlook on you after you make the decision to get clean. I lost a lot of good friends because I quit drinking. One was my best friend of over 20 years and I helped him through a lot of shit during those 20 years. But where was he in "my" time of need? Nowhere to be found. I've also noticed that people look at me differently but that's to be expected. Most are proud of what I was able to accomplish but there are also those that call me a "quitter" but fuckem.
I used to try to hide and not say a lot about it but now I've become an open book. I feel it's better to help others dealing with these issues. I mentioned before that I've been on the Fire Dept for 23 years and in those 23 years we have had 7 people commit suicide. And that's not even taking into account the vast amount of people fired through random drug tests.

The first few months were kind of rough but once I got though that it started getting easier. As time passed it just became a non issue. Now I don't even think about it anymore.

I get to decide what my life looks like, not the other way around.
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22-03-2017, 08:40 AM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
Quote:My issue with AA was / is much like your's but I just couldn't take the praying and the entire God issue and releasing it to a higher power.

I know it doesn't make any sense because that's the backbone of their (our) approach and I totally hate it and completely disagree with it but I still go. Even I don't completely understand. I was in such despair when I first arrived I just told myself I don't care how batshit this is I'm going to make it work. Usually over half the content is at complete odds with everything I believe. Sometimes it's as bad as 95% stupid supernatural interventionalism bullshit. But that 5% about staying sober even at the worst meetings, that's for me.
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22-03-2017, 08:55 AM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
So long as you keep your eye on your ball, Fred, make it happen. I know that my sobriety is for myself more important than my religious outlook, or my ability to deal with the religious. It's true that I had access to a great secular program with the VA and ended up going with that, but were I in your shoes I would probably have kept my trap shut and kept attending AA.
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22-03-2017, 10:29 AM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
I hear ya.

Sometimes I keep my trap shut; sometimes I say what I got to say.

Over time I'm pretty sure that's actually how it has to be. I can't just always stay clammed up or get unhinged about religion either. I definitely try my best to keep my eye on the ball. If I don't drink I can't lose.
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22-03-2017, 06:52 PM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
Exactly, bud -- priorities.
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22-03-2017, 08:36 PM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
So long as you can vent here and it works, keep on keeping on.
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29-03-2017, 07:47 PM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
I felt pretty mellow today until I got accused of stealing something at work at the end of the day. I don't want to say the exact details but it wasn't a direct accusation but like I would ever want their broken ass outdated shit. I don't even fucking care if they think I'm a thief and I would steal from those fucks if they had anything worth stealing. I just feel like they brought it up just to fuck with me. I felt like smashing someone's fucking face in. Then AA was an all God meeting. For fuck's sake. I swear I can't stand being sober all the time. I feel like not only going out and getting drunk but I feel like ripping up on an ugly anti-social bender. I'm not though. Just fuck.
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29-03-2017, 07:53 PM
RE: AA - Atheists and Alcoholism
(29-03-2017 07:47 PM)ImFred Wrote:  I felt pretty mellow today until I got accused of stealing something at work at the end of the day. I don't want to say the exact details but it wasn't a direct accusation but like I would ever want their broken ass outdated shit. I don't even fucking care if they think I'm a thief and I would steal from those fucks if they had anything worth stealing. I just feel like they brought it up just to fuck with me. I felt like smashing someone's fucking face in. Then AA was an all God meeting. For fuck's sake. I swear I can't stand being sober all the time. I feel like not only going out and getting drunk but I feel like ripping up on an ugly anti-social bender. I'm not though. Just fuck.

Though tempting and a familiar way to 'deal'...you know it won't make things better. Glad you came here to vent instead. Thumbsup

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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