AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
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11-04-2014, 03:19 PM
AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
Breaking the race dating boundary with my mom. Yeah. Don't really know how to go about this, and really don't know how people are going to respond to this, but yeah.

I'm obviously growing up, my tastes and hobbies and attractions are constantly changing. My old best friend went through a time in which she liked girls. I guess I've reached a period in which I like... people of different skin colors.

I don't know. I feel really weird and uncomfortable about the topic. Uncomfortable figuring things out about myself, actually. Not that I'm embarrassed or unsure. It just feels weird for me to be typing this at the moment.

I had a thing with my best friend several months ago. It never evolved into a relationship, we were just comfortable around each other and extremely close. I feel like calling it "friends with benefits" isn't right at all, because that wasn't at all how it was. He was black. But I didn't acknowledge his skin color at all. We just clicked, best friends, could talk about absolutely everything- rented video games, stayed up until 4 in the morning playing them, slept in until 2 in the afternoon; overall a very casual friendship, nothing more.

I'm usually extremely honest with my mom, especially among the lines of relationships, intimacy, etc. but that was one thing I didn't tell her.

There's no specific sexual attraction to any race whatsoever. I just like who I click with. Recently I developed a crush on a boy at school. I've been extremely preoccupied with events in my personal life, as well as school and getting what I need for graduation, so I didn't pursue it. However, the crush was returned and unexpectedly, a fast friendship developed. The boy is multiracial, and I could honestly see it going somewhere. He's very nice, intelligent, self kept, good sense of humor and reserved.

The only thing is, my mom is in her 50's and always preached that if he isn't white, it's probably not the best idea to bring him home. I mean she made exceptions for my first boyfriend, who was Asian, and she's been okay with the few crushes I've had on some Hispanics. I don't know if she'll be okay with a guy who has a white parent and a black parent.

Confused
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11-04-2014, 03:27 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
So are you back home? Or did this issue have something to do with you getting kicked out?

Either way, a lot of people, especially in the south have huge issues with dating anyone of another race. Sounds like your mom might be one of those people. It's a pretty ingrained prejudice and not the easiest to work through.

My son prefers girls that are biracial or otherwise not strictly white, just seems to be his preference. I have a daughter that also went through a long period of dating guys that were biracial or multiracial...not so much any more though.

If you are trying to get your last little bit of school done with the least amount of drama, maybe put that discussion on hold for the next month or two.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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11-04-2014, 03:40 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
(11-04-2014 03:27 PM)Anjele Wrote:  So are you back home? Or did this issue have something to do with you getting kicked out?

Either way, a lot of people, especially in the south have huge issues with dating anyone of another race. Sounds like your mom might be one of those people. It's a pretty ingrained prejudice and not the easiest to work through.

My son prefers girls that are biracial or otherwise not strictly white, just seems to be his preference. I have a daughter that also went through a long period of dating guys that were biracial or multiracial...not so much any more though.

If you are trying to get your last little bit of school done with the least amount of drama, maybe put that discussion on hold for the next month or two.

No, this wasn't the issue with me getting kicked out. My mom and I talked out things while I was on an out of town school trip. She felt bad, apologized, I came home Monday. Another factor that resulted in her setting her differences aside was that if I don't live here, I don't get the benefit of medical insurance. My aunt pestered her by telling her it was unmotherly to keep me from coming home if it would keep me from having medical insurance. Things are still uptight and we hardly speak, no major problems presently.

People here still gasp at newly out of the closet gays, and I've seen some jaws drop and people whisper over opposite racial couples. People in high school are coming to terms with these things more easily than the generations above us.

I planned on waiting until after school to bring up anything this major to her. I mean, it isn't like I'm in a relationship with the boy or anything. But it is a possibility, and I feel as though I may have to approach the discussion in the future... you know, eventually. I just don't know how I'm going to do that when the time comes.
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11-04-2014, 03:46 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
(11-04-2014 03:19 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  I just like who I click with.

As it should be.

I would explain it to her in that way. Tell her all those nice things about him that you wrote above.

But if there are other problems brewing at home that are serious enough to be getting you kicked out, then you have to resolve those issues fully, especially if you already think this will be adding fuel to the fire.

You only have a few months of school and summer break to go, don't go making stupid choices that will blow up your future plans.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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11-04-2014, 03:51 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
(11-04-2014 03:40 PM)Ferdinand Wrote:  
(11-04-2014 03:27 PM)Anjele Wrote:  So are you back home? Or did this issue have something to do with you getting kicked out?

Either way, a lot of people, especially in the south have huge issues with dating anyone of another race. Sounds like your mom might be one of those people. It's a pretty ingrained prejudice and not the easiest to work through.

My son prefers girls that are biracial or otherwise not strictly white, just seems to be his preference. I have a daughter that also went through a long period of dating guys that were biracial or multiracial...not so much any more though.

If you are trying to get your last little bit of school done with the least amount of drama, maybe put that discussion on hold for the next month or two.

No, this wasn't the issue with me getting kicked out. My mom and I talked out things while I was on an out of town school trip. She felt bad, apologized, I came home Monday. Another factor that resulted in her setting her differences aside was that if I don't live here, I don't get the benefit of medical insurance. My aunt pestered her by telling her it was unmotherly to keep me from coming home if it would keep me from having medical insurance. Things are still uptight and we hardly speak, no major problems presently.

People here still gasp at newly out of the closet gays, and I've seen some jaws drop and people whisper over opposite racial couples. People in high school are coming to terms with these things more easily than the generations above us.

I planned on waiting until after school to bring up anything this major to her. I mean, it isn't like I'm in a relationship with the boy or anything. But it is a possibility, and I feel as though I may have to approach the discussion in the future... you know, eventually. I just don't know how I'm going to do that when the time comes.

This. I agree it's probably good to wait until school is done, and maybe even until things get a bit more serious with you two. Are you going to be able to date him for a little while without her knowing right away?

Since you're moving into adult hood, a good point is that she doesn't have to know about every single person you date if it can be helped. This let's you be casual with someone, see how things go, without having to have possible awkward discussions with your mom about each person your are dating. This is helpful if things end up fizzling out early for whatever reason.

If you're able to date for a while, things get serious, and you want to introduce him to your mom: have a conversation with her about it before meeting him. Something along the lines of "I know his skin color may make you uncomfortable, but I promise he is a really great guy because of 'x, y and z', and it would really mean a lot to me if you could meet him, and give him a chance. You're my mom, and I love you. I don't want to feel like I can't share this part of my life with you, and he makes me really happy". Hopefully this is enough to at least get her to begrudgingly agree to give him a shot, if not be open to it all-together.

If you're not able to date a bit first, I'd say something similar to above, bt with the added "I don't know if anything will come of this, but the color of his skin is not something that would make me not give him a chance, and I hope this is something you can be comfortable with"

Hope this was a little helpful Hug

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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11-04-2014, 03:57 PM (This post was last modified: 11-04-2014 04:16 PM by Bows and Arrows.)
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
The easiest way she will be accepting is if she has opportunities to really get to know him.

It's hard to go against people you know and like.



I forgot to say, you might not get her to be accepting of everyone, buy maybe you can get her to be accepting of this boy because she has had a chance to get to know him.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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11-04-2014, 04:15 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
(11-04-2014 03:57 PM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  The easiest way she will be accepting is if she has opportunities to really get to know him.

It's hard to go against people you know and like.

I was thinking about having him around her as "one of my good friends." She typically likes my friends. Once she warms up to him and begins to like him, I think it'll be easier for her to accept it, if anything even becomes of this friendship.
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11-04-2014, 04:35 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
I'm not saying you should go all manipulative on your mom, but...

A little contrast could help, too. You have any guy friends who are just complete retards (but the loveable kind of retarded Tongue )?

Bring both around to just hang out with mom near, and she may actually be relieved when she finds out you've come to really really like the nice one instead of the knuckle head Shy

Or completely disregard everything I've said...
I'm a knuckle head Blush

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11-04-2014, 04:42 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
Just sending a lot of hugs.

Heart

I would take it super slow.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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11-04-2014, 04:50 PM
RE: AHAHAH... yep... this is awkward...
Definitely want your first black boyfriend to be an amazing guy and if you break up let it be the nicest "just wasn't meant to be" break up, at least for your mom.
I really like the idea of letting her get to know the guy first. I have a friend whose family hated her now husband when they started dating, but once they were forced to get to know him they really liked him.
Take it slow. With your possible maybe boyfriend and your mom. I think you'll be surprised. If you really like this guy and he's a good guy, I'm sure your mother will see that and like him too.
Good luck Ferdi Hug

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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