About father

[Erxomai]

I'll be your daddy.

[Leela]

lol you wish Erxomai

[Erxomai]

(23-12-2012 12:44 PM)Leela Wrote:  lol you wish Erxomai

[Percepticon]

(23-12-2012 12:39 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  I'll be your daddy.

So, uh, Erxie?

How many ya' got room to be 'daddy' for, hmmm?

[DLJ]

(23-12-2012 02:20 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  

(23-12-2012 12:39 PM)Erxomai Wrote:  I'll be your daddy.

So, uh, Erxie?

How many ya' got room to be 'daddy' for, hmmm?

Please, please, please don't encourage him.

[Vera]

(23-12-2012 03:16 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Please, please, please don't encourage him.

Some people seem to be gluttons for punishment...

I still blame the eggnog for all the recent craziness

[Percepticon]

(23-12-2012 03:16 PM)DLJ Wrote:  

(23-12-2012 02:20 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  So, uh, Erxie?

How many ya' got room to be 'daddy' for, hmmm?

Please, please, please don't encourage him.

Aww, hell, ya' jealous I haven't hit you up?

[DLJ]

(23-12-2012 03:23 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  

(23-12-2012 03:16 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Please, please, please don't encourage him.

Aww, hell, ya' jealous I haven't hit you up?

Urm... yeah... uha

That'll be it.

[Percepticon]

(23-12-2012 03:54 PM)DLJ Wrote:  

(23-12-2012 03:23 PM)Percepticon Wrote:  Aww, hell, ya' jealous I haven't hit you up?

Urm... yeah... uha

That'll be it.

Hey now, it's 2012...I can have two daddies and in some states, no one'll bat an eye. I can see you and Erxie totally hitting it off....hmmm.....

[LadyJane]

To OP Leela



It seems your father does not have healthy relationships with anyone- denying the existence of his older sons, not being able to connect with you and lying to your other siblings. This is obviously something happening on his part, for whatever reason. Something that seems hasn't changed. The child-parent relationship will never exist. This is in my own family, too. I have a half sister on my dad's side (his daughter) that never had a child-parent relationship. That can't be changed.

However, an adult relationship may be possible. One that doesn't seek advice or explanations but instead would like a bases of memories being built or connections made. Now, in my own family, my father visits my half-sister and they have made memories of traveling, eating at restaurants, spending time with her kids, sight seeing or talking about current events. The past rarely comes up. My dad only saw her a couple times growing up (My dad left Scientology but his ex stayed with full custody- Dad believed at the time that no relationship was better than a negative one, I think).

Maybe your Dad is open to an adult relationship- no one here can say if he is or not. If he is, then I wouldn't get my hopes up for an explanation from the past. Maybe that can never be fully understood. I think the show you are talking about, I think the dad missed the current relationship and wished he had that, too. I am not sure what the fight was about, but I believe certain boundaries have to be made- no unsolicited advice or influence on choices/living styles from either end, but just mutual and positive time shared. This creates respect in relationships and builds trust.

But, if your Dad cannot do this, then that is him. It would be no fault of your own if he isn't interested in a positive relationship, since he clearly has a history of defining his relationships in an unhealthy matter. What's important for you with whoever is in your life is to have healthy and positive relationships, however that may look.

If it were me doing this, I would also see someone (therapist) or have very good support during this re-connection. It can be confusing and tough, forgotten and hurtful past experiences can come up, and I wouldn't want to be re-traumatized- that's why I mentioned boundaries until a history of trust occurs. I'd probably meet for coffee (or even just a small email on present life- 'How are you? I'm getting ready for the New Year. etc') the first time and talk about current going-ons in my life, nothing serious, and see how that goes. If that works, then more meetings and connections, taking it one at a time.

It also sounds like you need to explore this to bring closure,- whether that means a mending of a broken relationship or a final good-bye- closure is important. Loose strings in life make it harder to define our current relationships and it would only be fair to you to make a final definition for this one. I think it is good to test the waters with your dad, so to speak. Finding out the truth is powerful.

Keep us posted!