About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-01-2012, 04:16 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
Wow, that's very inspiring.
The placebo of religion is very appealing in situations like this, and I'd like to believe I'll be able to hold my believes like you.

Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to
believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?
Douglas Adams
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-01-2012, 07:28 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
(19-01-2012 07:35 PM)Jeff Wrote:  
(19-01-2012 04:56 PM)Leela Wrote:  You might not stop missing them but you will definitely stop crying at some point

Maybe. My dad died suddenly in 1985 and I still tear up over it most days of the week. The hurt hasn't gotten any less over the last 25 years, and that includes 10 years of general therapy.
I am sorry. Just said what I thought would happen. I haven't lost a close family member yet and as hard as it sounds, most of my family I don't care about. Even the two people I do care about in my family if they'd die I would cry of shock more than any other reason.
I can only assume what it's like when you have a strong connection in your family.

I just hope that you guys don't suffer for the rest of your lives, that would be too sad.

[Image: 69p7qx.gif]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-01-2012, 01:58 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
(20-01-2012 07:28 AM)Leela Wrote:  I haven't lost a close family member yet and as hard as it sounds, most of my family I don't care about. Even the two people I do care about in my family if they'd die I would cry of shock more than any other reason.
Leela

That sounds so sad...

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
20-01-2012, 02:19 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
Everyone has their package to carry. That's part of mine. It's not as sad as it sounds.
I am building my own very lovable family with my hun who I love very much and I would be a mess if he would die. (I do more then just care about him Smile )

But back to you, sir.
We are all here for you. At least I do have an open eye for your posts. I hope it helps you healing your mental wounds to write and get some feedback here Smile

[Image: 69p7qx.gif]
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Leela's post
20-01-2012, 02:35 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
(20-01-2012 02:19 PM)Leela Wrote:  Everyone has their package to carry. That's part of mine. It's not as sad as it sounds.
I am building my own very lovable family with my hun who I love very much and I would be a mess if he would die. (I do more then just care about him Smile )
Ok...
Since my original family is steadily dwindling, I'm accepting more and more good friends as my new family. It kind of works. looks like you are doing the same.
Quote:But back to you, sir.
We are all here for you. At least I do have an open eye for your posts. I hope it helps you healing your mental wounds to write and get some feedback here Smile

It does...
It's hearth warming realising the stuff I write has a public. I hope it inspires it’s readers.

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Observer's post
20-01-2012, 02:39 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
(20-01-2012 02:35 PM)The_observer Wrote:  It does...
It's hearth warming realising the stuff I write has a public. I hope it inspires it’s readers.

It does.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like morondog's post
20-01-2012, 03:38 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
My respect to you, The_observer, as I keep reading your beautiful posts.

The atheist's version of the afterlife? I absolutely agree to you - the passed away continue to exist.
Not only in the people who used to surround them; evidences of their existence can be found everywhere.
In the perfume that you may smell from their belongings. In their handwriting in a diary or in a birthday card.
In the coin you found in the corner of their room. In the gesture you suddenly spotted on an old photograph.
All these things help us animate, in our mind, the frozen picture of the people we miss, and our memory becomes the place they dwell.

Moreover, our parents gave us something even more evident and obvious. The genes.
I watch myself doing my work, cleaning my house, washing my dishes in exactly the same way my father did.
Sometimes I laugh, catching myself behaving in exactly the same way I criticized my father for.
As I'm taking a minute-long rest from writing this, I relax my tense neck muscles in exactly the same way my father used to.
I look into my mirror and I see my father, still young and inexperienced, but alive and well.

Just... try looking into the mirror.
I promise you that if you watch carefully, you will be able to see your dad looking back at you.
And soon, when your daughter grows up a bit, you will be able to see your mom again, too.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like evilflower's post
17-04-2012, 07:54 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
Good stuff, Observer. The post - and your "I'm here for her" profile avatar convinced me to sign up for the forum. (I'm here for my two-year-old son).

I shared similar thoughts on how I approach grieving and death in general with my theist wife this weekend. It led to tears. The idea of no afterlife crushes her because she can't bear the thought of never seeing or being with her mom and/or dad ever again. I don't judge her, because I know where's she's coming from.

I suspect that many theists reject skepticism (and the atheism which is a natural byproduct of said skepticism) due to similar emotional reasons.

That's why I think that it's so important to share these thoughts and values with the youth; so that they can build different neural pathways and never get stuck on the things that heavily indoctrinated adults struggle with.

Join the Logic Speaks Community

I am the unconverted
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes lightninlives's post
17-04-2012, 08:45 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
It sounds like you are on pretty steady ground although it may not feel that way right now. You have people that care about you that you are seeing in a different (probably better) light and I am glad that you are seeking counseling. Sometimes you just have to get the words out so they don't go around and around in your head.


Losing dad brought my sister and I together...something I never thought would happen. And it's a good thing. She called me yesterday and we talked a long time...it was nice. I am six years older than she so I can tell her stories about things that she wasn't around for or was too young to remember and she can tell me about things later after I left home.

But I do understand...I would love to answer the phone on a Sunday afternoon and hear dad say, "Yeah, what did I do, wake you up?" His usual greeting the last few years of his life.

Keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you more and more comfort as time goes by.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
17-04-2012, 10:53 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
From all accounts, you never stop missing them. My own loss is too recent to make any conclusions. But friends who lost people they were very close to and whose lives they were constantly involved in report that it never stops. What does happen though, is that waffles will just be waffles after you smell them many times after the loss. And memories will be sometimes saddening like in the beginning, and sometimes you will smile with the memories.

People always say "you have your memories". Well, memories can be hell. They don't become something you can smile at until way way later. At this time, all the memories make me sad.

But, like you said, they are always still with you. They are irrevocably a part of you. Your brain will draw on them at many many different occasions. There are the people who knew them, but there is also a part of yourself that contains them. And always will.

You are doing so well. I hope I will cope better too as time goes.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Dom's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: