About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
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04-04-2012, 02:20 PM
About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
I used to have an enormous peace of soul.

I went nightcaching all alone in the woods.
Walked up to strangers to ask directions.
Checked at night what that "thump" was.
...

Now that my parents where murdered in their own house I lost that safe feeling in my life.
When the telephone rings, I think of bad news.
When I drop my daughter off at kindergarten, I need to force myself to let go. No one ever notice this, but it just doesn't come natural anymore.
When I'm walking on a dirt road and a car drives up, I'm starting to feel the urge to hide behind a tree.

I'm planning on buying a gun and a license. I don't know why. An emotional buy I guess.

I know that what happened to my parents was just amazingly bad luck.

I might know this... but it doesn't feel that way.
I want my safe feeling back!




About the death of my parents: The murder

About the death of my parents: The funeral
About the death of my parents: The aftermath
About the death of my parents: The Letter
About the death of my parents: Grieving as atheist
About the death of my parents: Goodbye Luna

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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04-04-2012, 06:04 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
I think if the world lost my trust in this out of control manner I'd have a little mistrust as well. Trust needs to be earned, like trusting you'll be safe where you and your loved ones go. Takes time, and it's hard to wait for sure.

Thanks for the update.
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04-04-2012, 06:10 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
I never want to experience what you have No I can't even imagine it.

Have they put the bastard away yet?

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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04-04-2012, 07:02 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
It's natural man, and it will go away eventually.

Even the pain from losing your folks will subside. Never go away exactly but it will subside.
You're stronger than even you think, that much is obvious to me.
Eventually there will come a day when you wake up and it doesn't even occur to you, and that day will make you even more miserable, until you come to understand that it's supposed to happen that way.

We're here for you. Unfortunately from afar, as I'd much rather be there for you. Not just because you're a cool guy but because I like your country better.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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04-04-2012, 07:20 PM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
We hear about things like what happened to you on the news every day and while we feel sympathy for the people left behind, you are one that can actual empathize and understand the loss through such a violent and senseless act. Your life has been changed...the pendulum has swung way out of whack but as time goes by things will start to settle a bit while never actually fulling righting itself.

My middle child's best friend was murdered by her husband just over a year ago. He then turned the gun on himself. My daughter will never get over the loss. Five young kids were left behind as well as other family and friends. When I heard the news my knees buckled...how could this happen to someone I have known for nearly 20 years?

I don't know how to help my daughter and even if I did know what to do beyond listening, I know that she is forever changed by what happened.

I can certainly understand you caution and your not wanting to part from your daughter. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this awful, painful loss.

You are a strong guy, you are still reaching out here to people who care. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Wishing you peace as time goes by. Don't be too hard on yourself, you have experienced the unfathomable.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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05-04-2012, 05:25 AM (This post was last modified: 05-04-2012 05:30 AM by Filox.)
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
My suggestion would be not to buy a gun. Don't let the fear push you. You still think clearly, so use that and practice your will-strength. Eventually, you will master yourself. The hardest thing is to master yourself, it is much easier to control others, but yourself... A though one.

If you still feel like buying a gun, watch the "Brief History Of America" from Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine. Do not become like that just out of fear, fight it. What you could do is start training Aikido, or something similar, let your body be your weapon of choice, plus, it can help you ease your mind.

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I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
-Hunter S. Thompson
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06-04-2012, 04:58 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
I have to agree with Filox on this one dude. Do you think in your jumpy state that it would be good for you to own a gun right now??? Would it actually make you feel any safer???

Hopefully when the pain subsides (which it will) and you come more to terms with what has happened you will be able to get that safe feeling back.

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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06-04-2012, 07:25 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
... and evil begat evil.

Gotta second Bemore's comment (and third Filox's too).

When you are about to buy the gun, imagine the feeling if you accidentally shot someone who unnerved you... imagine how their children would feel. You don't need to imagine it, do you?

I wish I could offer advice as to how to get through it and back to the feelings of safety. Time heals, alcohol obscures, being able to weep and talking openly may be the start and you are already doing that.

I have friends who have suffered differently but similarly. One turned to prostitution (her father shot a bad dude when she was 10, he was still in prison when her mother died a few years later), one became violent under stress, one became paranoid. Others do charitable deeds to take their minds off it all and to become part of a trusting and trustful community.

For reasons I won't go into, I had an "unsafe" childhood. Writing cathartic poetry helped. But I have not been where you are so I will say no more.

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06-04-2012, 07:50 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
I find that a gun does add to the feeling of safety, and it was one of the first things I bought after my husband died. And I am glad I did. I also got a German Shepherd, and he also contributes to my feeling safe. After all, a gun cannot tell you when trouble is coming, but the dog will. He will let you know if it's a benign disruption or a bad one. Dogs have a sniffer for this sort of thing. After he has properly bonded with the family, you can count on him more than on people or anything to help you make the right decisions when fear sets in

When you feel fearful, stop and breathe deeply. It really works, it grounds you.

Other than that, it takes time. I know it sounds so hollow to say that, but it really is true. I understand the grieving part, and I understand the fear just a little. It must be a whopper of a combo.

Take good care, and do whatever makes you feel safer, more likely than not you will attach much less importance to it once you did it.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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06-04-2012, 08:09 AM
RE: About the death of my parents: That safe feeling
That's a horrible thing to experience, and your feeling now are normal. You should do whatever you have to do to feel safe. Counseling wouldn't be a bad idea, if you can get some. My heart goes out to you.
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