About to out myself
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31-12-2014, 12:26 AM
About to out myself
I'm not really out except to my husband and two close friends. Now I've sent the message to meet with a long time, very christian friend so I can tell her. It's going to hurt her. And the news will spread to most all of our mutual friends and likely around to a lot of extended family as well since she is very connected within the Christian community.

So I'm nervous. I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know how she's going to take it. I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and it will be okay?
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31-12-2014, 01:04 AM
RE: About to out myself
Well, assuming you've done the risk assessment (e.g. Don't live in Northern Florida? Check!) and you're sure you're going to be safe and fully prepared for the fallout, then sure. Being honest is usually the best policy.

I'd advise only that you assess the fallout and are sure you can live with it. It is about you moving on and part of that is the reality that there will be some who won't be able to come with you.

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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31-12-2014, 01:17 AM
RE: About to out myself
(31-12-2014 12:26 AM)OlafsNose Wrote:  I'm not really out except to my husband and two close friends. Now I've sent the message to meet with a long time, very christian friend so I can tell her. It's going to hurt her. And the news will spread to most all of our mutual friends and likely around to a lot of extended family as well since she is very connected within the Christian community.

So I'm nervous. I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know how she's going to take it. I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and it will be okay?

Hug

Other than wishing you well, there are too many cultural and other differences. You've decided to do something. How others react?

Again, Hug

Wishing you well.

Much cheers to all.
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31-12-2014, 02:04 AM
RE: About to out myself
The test for "doing the right thing" by your inner 'do I want to go to that party / what's the moral thing to do' gauge, is to simulate two alternative futures:
    You live in a world where you can only be, by law in < the given state >
    You are not legally permitted to be in < the given state >

Try it. Which state makes you most comfortable?

And good luck.

Hug

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31-12-2014, 05:41 AM
RE: About to out myself
(31-12-2014 12:26 AM)OlafsNose Wrote:  I'm not really out except to my husband and two close friends. Now I've sent the message to meet with a long time, very christian friend so I can tell her. It's going to hurt her. And the news will spread to most all of our mutual friends and likely around to a lot of extended family as well since she is very connected within the Christian community.

So I'm nervous. I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know how she's going to take it. I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and it will be okay?

Why? Why are you meeting? Why do you feel the need to tell your friend?

What has precipitated this need to tell her?

I am quite open about being an atheist and being anti-religion, but I have never felt the need to tell anyone except in response to a question or a really stupid/offensive religious statement.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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31-12-2014, 09:44 AM
RE: About to out myself
(31-12-2014 01:04 AM)gofish! Wrote:  Well, assuming you've done the risk assessment (e.g. Don't live in Northern Florida? Check!) and you're sure you're going to be safe and fully prepared for the fallout, then sure. Being honest is usually the best policy.

I'd advise only that you assess the fallout and are sure you can live with it. It is about you moving on and part of that is the reality that there will be some who won't be able to come with you.

Yes I'll be safe. I *think* I'm prepared for the fallout but it's hard to say for sure since I don't know yet what her reaction will be.
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31-12-2014, 10:02 AM
RE: About to out myself
(31-12-2014 05:41 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(31-12-2014 12:26 AM)OlafsNose Wrote:  I'm not really out except to my husband and two close friends. Now I've sent the message to meet with a long time, very christian friend so I can tell her. It's going to hurt her. And the news will spread to most all of our mutual friends and likely around to a lot of extended family as well since she is very connected within the Christian community.

So I'm nervous. I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know how she's going to take it. I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that I'm doing the right thing and it will be okay?

Why? Why are you meeting? Why do you feel the need to tell your friend?

What has precipitated this need to tell her?

I am quite open about being an atheist and being anti-religion, but I have never felt the need to tell anyone except in response to a question or a really stupid/offensive religious statement.

She and I have worked together (as a volunteer, not a job) for over 12 years for a Christian organization that promotes and produces Christian concerts. We've had a long lull and happened to not have any shows since I became an atheist. Now we've signed a show. I usually would be helping with anything from volunteer coordination to ticket sales tracking to anything else needing done. I would be at the event first thing in the am and busy all day. I have been a big part of these shows for so long. It's part of who I am. But I cannot do it under false pretenses. I will not pretend. I also will not just walk out on them entirely without any explanation given. I think they deserve better than that. I consider everyone on the team to be good friends, even though we only see each other at the events. I could easily make up another reason more acceptable but I will not lie.

Besides all of that, I also just want to be out. I have thought a lot about it and I think it's good for atheists to be out about it. So many people are scared of the word atheist and have many misconceptions about what it means. I don't want to hide who I am from everyone I know. I want them to see that good people can be atheists. Who knows, maybe one of my friends is hiding their own atheism and my coming out will encourage them to do so as well.

Besides this long time friend there are a couple other people I want to tell personally before the rumor mill or myself on fb gets the word out completely.
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31-12-2014, 10:47 AM
RE: About to out myself
(31-12-2014 10:02 AM)OlafsNose Wrote:  
(31-12-2014 05:41 AM)Chas Wrote:  Why? Why are you meeting? Why do you feel the need to tell your friend?

What has precipitated this need to tell her?

I am quite open about being an atheist and being anti-religion, but I have never felt the need to tell anyone except in response to a question or a really stupid/offensive religious statement.

She and I have worked together (as a volunteer, not a job) for over 12 years for a Christian organization that promotes and produces Christian concerts. We've had a long lull and happened to not have any shows since I became an atheist. Now we've signed a show. I usually would be helping with anything from volunteer coordination to ticket sales tracking to anything else needing done. I would be at the event first thing in the am and busy all day. I have been a big part of these shows for so long. It's part of who I am. But I cannot do it under false pretenses. I will not pretend. I also will not just walk out on them entirely without any explanation given. I think they deserve better than that. I consider everyone on the team to be good friends, even though we only see each other at the events. I could easily make up another reason more acceptable but I will not lie.

Besides all of that, I also just want to be out. I have thought a lot about it and I think it's good for atheists to be out about it. So many people are scared of the word atheist and have many misconceptions about what it means. I don't want to hide who I am from everyone I know. I want them to see that good people can be atheists. Who knows, maybe one of my friends is hiding their own atheism and my coming out will encourage them to do so as well.

Besides this long time friend there are a couple other people I want to tell personally before the rumor mill or myself on fb gets the word out completely.

That was very well stated, thank you.

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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31-12-2014, 02:56 PM
RE: About to out myself
I would just have a few answers ready.

The first usually asked is why? and the second is this going to change our relationship and in what way?

if you don't want to change your relationship- then say so. if you do, then say that too.

explain how you want the future relationship to be.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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