Action cures fear
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28-01-2016, 12:54 PM
RE: Action cures fear
I think a-lot of fear is based in our fear of rejection and fear of failure. And I agree to move past fears you often need to either reason your way out of them, or force yourself into uncomfortable situations.

For me, as an example. Around 2009 I was afraid of touching other people without permission (initiating dancing, hugs, or handshakes). I was afraid of complimenting others. I made a choice at the time to "work" at my issues. I smiled at girls I didn't know (and they smiled back, go figure). I started hugging my friends. It wasn't perfect. I still find it weird/awkward to dance with strangers or to hug a guy that I'm not close with. But choosing to take action...to basically bombard myself with what I was afraid of until it was normal...that's what made the difference.

Similarly I think people can get over food likes/dislikes/disgusts like this. I choose not to, as I am completely fine with being unable to eat a cockroach. But I believe if a person force themselves they can become accustomed to most things.

Unfortunately I also believe this is true for bad things. Such as torture, cruelty, or even killing (humans or animals).

All in all, I think as humans we are very adaptable. Even if something initially scares you, if you have the will to adapt to it (or put in a situation where you have to adapt to it), you probably can.

I prefer fantasy, but I have to live in reality.
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28-01-2016, 01:07 PM
RE: Action cures fear
"You can only understand life by looking back, you can only live life looking forwards."

-Quote from the film "The experimenter"

Well done for stepping up to life. I hope you give yourself credit for every little achievement you do from now, until they turn into bigger achievements along the way.

I feel so much, and yet I feel nothing.
I am a rock, I am the sky, the birds and the trees and everything beyond.
I am the wind, in the fields in which I roar. I am the water, in which I drown.
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28-01-2016, 03:09 PM
RE: Action cures fear
I'm curious about grocery stores on the first of the month... What?
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28-01-2016, 03:15 PM
RE: Action cures fear
What if you're not afraid of failure, but simply afraid that you'll create a life long debt on something that you'll eventually just get bored of and stop doing after a couple years like everything else that you've been incredibly good at and found incredibly easy like art, math, piano, guitar, flute, photography, bodybuilding, renovations, building circuit boards, competitively playing video games, creating run-on sentences, etc...?
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28-01-2016, 04:19 PM
RE: Action cures fear
I have found no cure for fear. I'm fearful of a lot of things. I do stuff, nevertheless, because I'd rather be scared than bored.

It's good that you're stretching past your comfort zone; I hope you continue to do that.
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28-01-2016, 04:23 PM
RE: Action cures fear
Reminds me of Seligman's seminal work on "learned helplessness". N.B. Dog lovers will not be happy with his experimental designs.

#sigh
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28-01-2016, 04:34 PM
RE: Action cures fear
(28-01-2016 11:14 AM)UndauntedToast Wrote:  Does action cure fear? What do you think?

I've believed in this mindset the last couple of years when approaching something that terrifies me. This could range from going to the grocery store during the first of the month or driving on a busy interstate.

I graduated from high school in 2009 and went right on to college in the fall of that year. At the time, I'd been in a relationship with my first love for over a year. Young love. Things began going south at that time. She was about two years younger than me, and I was the first ever person she'd been in a relationship with. Her immaturity and latent jealousy became an issue. I had zero idea on how to handle it at the time. That relationship consumed my life, I neglected my schoolwork and stopped going to all my classes, sans one (my 8am Tuesday/Thursday English class). In 2010, I didn't resume going to college. She eventually (perhaps inevitably) cheated on me.

I spent 2010-2013 telling myself all the time, "Hey, bro. Go back to college." I was mentally and emotionally a wreck at the time. I stayed depressed over her for far too long (unhealthy mentalities ran rampant in my head). I was suspended in the prison of my mind thanks to perpetual laziness and procrastination. I was too scared to even go to the college to sign up. I had mild social anxiety brought on by practically being a hermit. I literally accomplished nothing in my life between 2010 to 2013. They were wasted years in every sense. I made a "pact" with myself in June 2013 that I'd return to college in 2014. And I did.

Nothing changed. I just forced myself to speak with an advisor on the campus about signing up for classes. I forced myself to do things (that were necessary) that I didn't want to do, since I was handicapped by fear. I signed up for a public speaking class during the fall of 2014 on the spot. I volunteered to go first for every speech in that class. I thought that, hey, everybody in the classroom felt some kind of natural anxiety about standing up in front of a group and speaking, and that giving a speech first would 1.) get it out of the way, and 2.) people would be too busy feeling anxious about giving their speeches, so much so, that they'd hardly pay attention to what you would do or say. Around this time period, I started using the "1, 2, 3, go" method when doing something I felt anxiety/fear over. When I'd get to "go" in my brain, I'd do what I needed/felt compelled to do even if I didn't want to.

Getting out of your comfort zone is so goddamn imperative in life when it comes to growing or making strides in personal development. I know this is said everywhere, in about every personal development text, but it's true.

Going back to college scared the shit out of me. Sure, I'd only been 'out' for five years, but I want to reiterate that between 2010-2013, I genuinely accomplished nothing in my life. NOTHING. I can't emphasize that enough. To go from doing jack squat for that many years to having to be disciplined enough in school to succeed scared the shit out of me. I doubted myself that I'd be able to do it. But I just went with it, anyway, and looked around at people that were going forth and said, "If they can do it, I can, too".

I still struggle, and probably always will with such things, but I'm better at adapting and challenging myself than I was yesterday, and the day before that, and so on and so forth.

Perhaps this isn't a ridiculously deep topic to delve into, in terms of philosophy, but I wanted to share a self-induced setback that I overcame. I made poor choices and was crippled by fear for a few years but have been taking action ever since. If I can, anyone can. Absolutely.

It ain't about philosophy, bud. Alienation too is a rite of passage. Attacking your fear of dealing with others, attacking your fear of social interactions, those are good moves.

Keep on keepin' on. You've got folks here who, thirty years on, deal with the same social anxieties, who deal with the same balance between self and others, the balance between who you are and who you want to be.

You're not alone.
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29-01-2016, 06:23 AM
RE: Action cures fear
I appreciate everybody's input. Great reads!

(28-01-2016 03:09 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  I'm curious about grocery stores on the first of the month... What?
Crowds. A lot of people who don't head out into public much are out and about, getting their groceries and spending their freshly received checks. Bunch of weird ass folks. Rude and wild all in one. I get extremely anxious about going at around this time.
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29-01-2016, 09:07 AM
RE: Action cures fear
(29-01-2016 06:23 AM)UndauntedToast Wrote:  I appreciate everybody's input. Great reads!

(28-01-2016 03:09 PM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  I'm curious about grocery stores on the first of the month... What?
Crowds. A lot of people who don't head out into public much are out and about, getting their groceries and spending their freshly received checks. Bunch of weird ass folks. Rude and wild all in one. I get extremely anxious about going at around this time.

I went from having social anxiety to just not giving a shit about what others think. If I'm misunderstood or seem strange, it's not my problem, it's theirs.
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29-01-2016, 09:24 AM
RE: Action cures fear
(29-01-2016 09:07 AM)WeAreTheCosmos Wrote:  
(29-01-2016 06:23 AM)UndauntedToast Wrote:  I appreciate everybody's input. Great reads!

Crowds. A lot of people who don't head out into public much are out and about, getting their groceries and spending their freshly received checks. Bunch of weird ass folks. Rude and wild all in one. I get extremely anxious about going at around this time.

I went from having social anxiety to just not giving a shit about what others think. If I'm misunderstood or seem strange, it's not my problem, it's theirs.

It's possible that you are one those people that Mr. Toast is trying to avoid. Tongue

I just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now. Heart
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