Addicted To Jesus
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14-02-2013, 02:43 PM
Addicted To Jesus
My biggest challenge in saying "Goodbye to God" happened during the deconversion process.

It took place during the period of time when I had mentally assented that religion was B.S., but my emotions were still "addicted" to a relationship with God. I remember typing a letter to my Mom and my Wife where I told them "I see no reason to keep believing. But I can't stop believing in my heart because my heart 'thirsts' for him." My mom took this as a good sign. "Once a believer, always a believer."

It was then that I realized that I was intellectually an Atheist. But I was emotionally still Theist. My heart still thirsted for him. I stopped and wondered "What IS this thirst?" I realized that it was most likely an emotional addiction to a chemical reaction my brain had developed in response to my belief. I was ADDICTED to religion. And though my mind fully acknowledged that religion is crap, my brain was still dependent on the "comfort" I received from my faith.

It was then that I realized that I must wean myself off of dependance upon this drug my mind was creating in response to faith. It took a few weeks. But I believe that I have become free of it within the last month. And boy, does it feel good. Faith is like a drug. And I was a junky.

Now I'm addicted to reason. And life makes so much more sense!!!!
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14-02-2013, 02:50 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
(14-02-2013 02:43 PM)onedream Wrote:  Now I'm addicted to reason. And life makes so much more sense!!!!
Welcome to reality. Cool

I too struggled for a bit after my deconversion because the thought of living in eternal bliss was so comforting. It took me a while to realize that this is mere wishful thinking.

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14-02-2013, 02:57 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
Thanks for your posts. I've been trying lately to think about or hypothesize about what it would be like to be deconverted. I know it would be hard to imagine because of my current bias but your mind/heart struggle or addiction is very interesting.
Thank you.
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14-02-2013, 03:01 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
Cool. Yea, I made a thread about religion being an addiction once. I suck at making threads. Dodgy
*****

Very astute observance of yourself. I wonder about people who root for the believer. Confused Weird to think of your Mom as a pusher, huh?

Welcome to the relief of sanity. Wink

I think in the end, I just feel like I'm a secular person who has a skeptical eye toward any extraordinary claim, carefully examining any extraordinary evidence before jumping to conclusions. ~ Eric ~ My friend ... who figured it out.
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14-02-2013, 03:04 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
Can't say I was addicted to religion but I was addicted to the idea that there is a benevolent being that cared, loved and gave me purpose. That random crap had meaning....even if I didn't understand it.


Wind's in the east, a mist coming in
Like something is brewing and about to begin
Can't put my finger on what lies in store
but I feel what's to happen has happened before...


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14-02-2013, 03:37 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
(14-02-2013 02:43 PM)onedream Wrote:  It was then that I realized that I was intellectually an Atheist. But I was emotionally still Theist.


I find this to be quite revealing for me personally. When I read this line I knew immediately that I had gone through something very similar. Great introspection.

Throughout history conversions happen at the point of a sword, deconversions at the point of a pen - FC

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's. - Mark Twain in Eruption
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14-02-2013, 03:55 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
(14-02-2013 02:57 PM)PleaseJesus Wrote:  Thanks for your posts. I've been trying lately to think about or hypothesize about what it would be like to be deconverted. I know it would be hard to imagine because of my current bias but your mind/heart struggle or addiction is very interesting.
Thank you.


I think you can get a very good idea reading the thread: Since I deconvereted from Christinanty to Atheism_____", I've seen your posts there so I know you may have already read them.

As an aside, if tomorrow you were to post here that you had a crisis of faith and were struggling with the emotions I would venture to guess that the only kind of response you would get from the great majority of people here would be sincere support.

Why? Because a vast majority of those on this forum, including myself, have gone through or are going through the emotional and intellectual process. Nothing easy about it since it doesn't just involve you but your family and friends.

I, for one, would not be celebrating your struggles or pain FWIW.

Throughout history conversions happen at the point of a sword, deconversions at the point of a pen - FC

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's. - Mark Twain in Eruption
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14-02-2013, 04:10 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
Being addicted to the 'feel goods' of religion fueled me for going door-to-door. That and all that pent-up sexual frustration needed to be spent.

If you view it as an addiction, keep an open mind that you may face things now and again of a religious nature that bring you the same confused emotions. It's a bite in the ass, but it's also how you find more of your self-identity. It's a wonderful yet trying process. Smile

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14-02-2013, 04:20 PM
RE: Addicted To Jesus
Interesting, never been a believer, I dont think. I remember praying when I was a kid just dont remember believing I would get an answer back. I find it very interesting reading peoples deconversion stories. Thanks for this one.

Arguing with a Christian is a lot like playing chess with a pigeon. You can be the greatest player in the world, yet the pigeon will knock over all the pieces, shit on the board and strut away triumphantly.
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14-02-2013, 04:26 PM (This post was last modified: 14-02-2013 05:29 PM by Vera.)
RE: Addicted To Jesus
(14-02-2013 03:04 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Can't say I was addicted to religion but I was addicted to the idea that there is a benevolent being that cared, loved and gave me purpose. That random crap had meaning....even if I didn't understand it.
Mom, it was pretty much the same for me. Weirdest thing? Now the idea that it is all random is my biggest comfort. Suddenly everything makes sense - the suffering, the injustice, the pain. I'm sure I've said it before, but still - the thought that any being capable of preventing the astounding amount of suffering in the world (and I'm not even talking only about humans), is able to just sit idly by and let it happen, is much harder to get to grips with, than the idea that it is all random.

The universe is not evil. It is neither malevolent nor benevolent. It just is. Personally, I find immense comfort in this.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
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