Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
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22-09-2014, 07:17 PM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
It's whatever. That's basically my outlook now. "It's whatever." Lost cause is lost.

Again, I appreciate the words, everyone.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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22-09-2014, 07:43 PM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
My pm offer still stands...

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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22-09-2014, 09:19 PM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
(22-09-2014 07:17 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  It's whatever. That's basically my outlook now. "It's whatever." Lost cause is lost.

Again, I appreciate the words, everyone.

I suggest you edit the thread title to read "Addiction and Sickness: Continuing the Madness" Drinking Beverage

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
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07-10-2014, 08:26 PM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
(22-09-2014 07:17 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  It's whatever. That's basically my outlook now. "It's whatever." Lost cause is lost.

The only reason it's a "lost cause" is because you decided it is. All you have to do is want to do something to change it. The alternative is first going to be suffering and then eventually early death. Think long and hard on that and maybe you'll find some desire and motivation to do what it takes to start helping yourself.

I also want to reiterate that you need help not only with the alcoholism, but with finding directions in your life that will make it more worthwhile to you. So, if you don't want to go to alcohol rehab, then at least go to a counselor that can help with your life's direction. Any start is better than no start.

@DonaldTrump, Patriotism is not honoring your flag no matter what your country/leader does. It's doing whatever it takes to make your country the best it can be as long as its not violent.
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15-10-2014, 06:46 PM (This post was last modified: 15-10-2014 06:55 PM by Misanthropik.)
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
*UPDATE*


I have to say, I didn't expect this, but I guess it's worth noting that sobriety has been going pretty well.

Because of my stomach, I haven't been drinking like I did before. In the interest of health, I forced myself to refrain because the pain felt after a night of drinking was more than the drinking itself had been worth. So, I just stopped. The cravings where overwhelming, but I ignored them by taking them one day at a time. They'd hit without warning and were so intense that I'd have done anything for a drink, but I knew that they were only cravings, and that I could grit my teeth, go home, have a relaxing shower, then lay down with some Netflix and go to sleep. This became a daily routine.

After a while, I started to take a look at how I was feeling the further I got away from the drinking. I was sleeping better. Awesomely, in fact. No waking up after two hours of "bogged down" sleep to puke, and no pounding head in the morning. No more intoxicated dreams about bizarre shit. Just solid, refreshing, thorough sleep. That's something I didn't even realize I'd missed.

This past Friday, I met a chick at a burger joint that I frequent and she invited me to a party at her sister's place. Of course I went, and on the way there, I picked up a 6-pack of Guinness. The funny thing was, from the moment she invited me, my brain went into "party mode;" wherein drinking is simply a given. And yet, there was something else inside of me...I almost want to say a "dread"....that didn't really want to drink. But I picked up a 6-pack anyway, (better to be safe than sorry) and when I got there, I actually forgot it in the car. She asked me "Did you bring beer?" and I suddenly remembered that I bought it in the first place.

Yes, I drank. I had 4 of the 6 beers, and gave the others to two other people. It felt good, obviously. I enjoyed being drunk for the first time in a while. It even provided for an intimate gesture as she and I shared one of the bottles together. But what was interesting to me, personally, (knowing myself as I do) was that I wasn't hell-bent on getting completely trashed like I normally would be. I wasn't concerned with my level of intoxication. In fact, the only thing that concerned me about my drunkenness was the constant knowledge that I had to drive home later in the night. Perhaps most importantly, I wasn't drinking and partying to the extreme in an effort to get as far away from unsettling thoughts in my head as I possibly could. My life has been good. I'm moving. I've met new people. New women. New guys. My freelance business has taken off like a rocket. The ex hasn't made any effort whatsoever to contact me, and I've truly not cared. I'll be out of here in a matter of weeks; if that. I'm starting over. There has simply been nothing so horrible that has been pushing me to run back to my bottles like a security blanket. I just don't care right now. Life is too exciting. And so, I was drinking not to escape, but to join. To have fun with everyone. To get a buzz - not a blackout - while we played pool and talked business and got to know one another. Eventually, I was more interested in the chick than in the beers we were sharing.

I guess everything had to build and then explode. I guess I had to give up completely. My drinking had never been so deeply, chemically, emotionally bad, so I don't know if this is typical of the detoxification process, but it felt like everything reached a head. I lost complete hope in recovery, and I wanted nothing more than to dive into a beer vat and inhale the concoction until I died. Then, the pressure burst forth, and everything began to settle down. Things have been calm ever since.

After the party, I got home and felt incredibly sick. I don't know that it was my still-healing ulcer, but my stomach was exploding with acid and I couldn't sleep but for 2 or 3 hours. It was one of those alcohol-induced sicknesses where you don't puke, but you shake and tremble and sweat and half-sleep for a few hours before you give up on slumber and just go watch TV.

When I think of drinking again, I feel sick to my stomach. This shocked me. I was talking last night with someone I met at the party and, when he explained the differences between pot and alcohol (in regard to their effects on the mind), I started to feel queazy. Then, earlier today, I had the slightest hint of a craving and thought about going to buy a single beer. My stomach turned a little bit and I decided against it.

The aforementioned chick is having another party on Halloween night, and I'm going. I intend to have a few beers. I do not, however, intend to get wasted. In fact, at this moment, I'm even a little iffy on the beers in the first place. I like sleeping well. I like waking up refreshed. I like not being groggy. I like the feeling of sex without being bogged down by alcohol. I like not drinking.



I guess we'll see how things go. But that last part is the important part for me. "I like not drinking." I love being drunk, yes, but I fucking hate the effects that come with it. In a way, I even hate the heavy, clouded feeling that being drunk itself entails. Before, I didn't care, because not thinking about life's bullshit was worth feeling like shit. But again, there's not much to escape from lately. The new chick is awesome, and going to her party gained me three new clients. What's more, it got me a business partner who works in nutrition. We're combining our already-ascending businesses to become a super-business that will benefit us both. Our plan is outlined, and entails me moving out of this fucking place that I've been dying to get out of for over 2 years. Things have become much more challenging, but in the best, most exciting possible ways. I find no greater joy than in creating, and creating this new life is not only enjoyable, but rewarding. The idea of adding a drinking habit to this process is not only unnecessary, but incredibly offensive to my current state of mind. I asked myself if I wanted to start drinking regularly again, and I responded with a resounding "Why the fuck would I do that?" Even I can't believe how I'm thinking these days. I never saw myself not drinking regularly. Not with how I was feeling about myself and about life.

Again, we'll see how things go. It terrifies me that this could all just be a good streak, and next week or next month I'll want to dive back into the habit again. But, does it not speak volumes that that very idea terrifies me so extensively? As it stands, I don't want to drink again. I don't. It scares me that I might start back up as I was. I'll drink at the occasional party, or if friends want to go to the pub, but there is nothing in me that wants to do as I'd been doing for so long. Going out every morning to gather my nightly indulgences and then drinking until I pass out. Without boredom and emotional unrest, there's nothing making me want to be drunk - but there is a lot making me want to not be drunk.

I'm cautious. But with a new business, new chicks, new friends and a new lease on life, I'm feeling hopeful.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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15-10-2014, 08:26 PM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
Hug

Good to hear you're doing well Smile

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16-10-2014, 05:26 AM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
(15-10-2014 06:46 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  *UPDATE*

You're almost there. Thumbsup

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16-10-2014, 09:52 PM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
(16-10-2014 05:26 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(15-10-2014 06:46 PM)Misanthropik Wrote:  *UPDATE*

You're almost there. Thumbsup

I really hope so. I've been thinking about it a lot and I really don't like being drunk. At least not when I'm not in a social environment. (Even then, the next morning awaits) I don't like sitting alone and getting clouded and groggy. Thinking back, I only wanted that so badly because like was shit and I was actively trying to cloud my mind while simultaneously destroying myself. I truly wanted to die.

I really want this to last. And maybe, for once, my stubbornness will actually work in my favor this time.

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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19-10-2014, 11:31 AM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
That's definitely some positive news. It sounds like you are starting to enjoy life more and your job, meeting new people, etc. are becoming a positive replacement for drinking... something that you value more and therefore don't want to sacrifice for the drinking. It's very important to have that. In addition, you are beginning to specifically dislike at least the bad parts of the drinking. All good signs. Thumbsup

With or without getting help, in the end it's up to you to do what's necessary. Help isn't mandatory, but it can provide assistance in getting where you need to be and staying there. Maybe you are getting there on your own without it. If so, that's great and more power to you.

Two things still concern me and I'm mentioning them not to burst your bubble, but to make you aware of them so you can be pro-active. The first is the fact that you aren't completely giving up the drinking. If you can continue to drink socially, just having a few and not getting drunk, that's fine. But, for most people with alcohol issues, it's a slippery slope. I really would recommend stopping even that drinking. I know it seems to have helped you get some business, but that probably came just from socializing with them. I doubt it would have made any difference if you were at the party, but not drinking alcohol. It's your personality and knowledge that won you the business.

The other concern is what will happen after some time passes and you are more removed from the negativity associated with the drinking. This will be especially concerning if your business slows down or life in general isn't quite as positive for awhile. I would recommend that you take 5 or 10 minutes now to make a list of all the things you dislike about drinking. Then, if you are tempted to return to the heavy drinking again in the future, you can pull the list out and remind yourself exactly why you don't want to do that anymore. And promise yourself now that you will read the list if you feel tempted again.

Stopping is half the battle and it sounds like you are well on your way with that. Staying there is the other half. I hope my suggestions will help. Anyway, I'm glad to hear the good news. Yes Keep it up! Thumbsup

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19-10-2014, 07:20 PM
RE: Addiction and Health: Stopping the Madness
(19-10-2014 11:31 AM)Impulse Wrote:  That's definitely some positive news. It sounds like you are starting to enjoy life more and your job, meeting new people, etc. are becoming a positive replacement for drinking... something that you value more and therefore don't want to sacrifice for the drinking. It's very important to have that. In addition, you are beginning to specifically dislike at least the bad parts of the drinking. All good signs. Thumbsup

With or without getting help, in the end it's up to you to do what's necessary. Help isn't mandatory, but it can provide assistance in getting where you need to be and staying there. Maybe you are getting there on your own without it. If so, that's great and more power to you.

Two things still concern me and I'm mentioning them not to burst your bubble, but to make you aware of them so you can be pro-active. The first is the fact that you aren't completely giving up the drinking. If you can continue to drink socially, just having a few and not getting drunk, that's fine. But, for most people with alcohol issues, it's a slippery slope. I really would recommend stopping even that drinking. I know it seems to have helped you get some business, but that probably came just from socializing with them. I doubt it would have made any difference if you were at the party, but not drinking alcohol. It's your personality and knowledge that won you the business.

The other concern is what will happen after some time passes and you are more removed from the negativity associated with the drinking. This will be especially concerning if your business slows down or life in general isn't quite as positive for awhile. I would recommend that you take 5 or 10 minutes now to make a list of all the things you dislike about drinking. Then, if you are tempted to return to the heavy drinking again in the future, you can pull the list out and remind yourself exactly why you don't want to do that anymore. And promise yourself now that you will read the list if you feel tempted again.

Stopping is half the battle and it sounds like you are well on your way with that. Staying there is the other half. I hope my suggestions will help. Anyway, I'm glad to hear the good news. Yes Keep it up! Thumbsup

I'm under no illusion(s) that drinking had anything to do with a business boost. But other than that, we're on the same page. Thumbsup

Through profound pain comes profound knowledge.
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