Adoption
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16-02-2014, 01:56 PM
Adoption
Looks like I am unable to have children. I'm devastated about this.

But we are gonna try for adoption. Does anyone have experience with adoption?

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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16-02-2014, 02:02 PM
RE: Adoption
I am really sorry that you can't have kids. I think adoption is a beautiful thing. I always wanted to adopt, but my ex-husband was completely against it. I don't really know much about the process but I want to wish you good luck. Heart
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16-02-2014, 02:06 PM
RE: Adoption
I know there's a child (maybe some siblings?) out there that will be thrilled to call you Mom. Heart


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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16-02-2014, 02:11 PM
RE: Adoption
I have unexplained infertility. We have become foster parents but are not trying to adopt. My experiences lie in having cousins that are adopted (international, domestic closed and domestic open) and my former foster daughter is awaiting adoption by a wonderful family. In addition I have a large network of foster parents that have adopted that I can reach out to.

There are so many ways to adopt. Have you sorted through what is out there and is any particular avenue calling you?

Blink
If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. -George S. Patton
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16-02-2014, 02:33 PM
RE: Adoption
I am sorry to hear you are dealing with such a blow.

I don't have real close experience with the adoption process. A friend and his wife have adopted four girls over the years, twins from Russia and then two girls from China at different times. It seemed a lot of money was involved and I am pretty sure they went through a faith-based agency. My husband's aunt took in foster children (two sisters) a few years back. Parental rights were ended and his aunt adopted the two.

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16-02-2014, 03:03 PM
RE: Adoption
(16-02-2014 02:33 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I am sorry to hear you are dealing with such a blow.

I don't have real close experience with the adoption process. A friend and his wife have adopted four girls over the years, twins from Russia and then two girls from China at different times. It seemed a lot of money was involved and I am pretty sure they went through a faith-based agency. My husband's aunt took in foster children (two sisters) a few years back. Parental rights were ended and his aunt adopted the two.

Thanks. The fertility problems lie with my other half. We were lucky to get pregnant the first time....and my son strangled himself in utero.

I didn't mourn for him....I mourned for the idea of him. Of having a baby at that time. Now I have to mourn the lost opportunity all over again.

I have barely started looking for adoption routes - it's so friggin overwhelming.

We know one thing. We want an infant (under 1 year) and we dont want to foster. Nor do we want any special needs kids - I guess that makes me a bad person for saying that.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day - Bill Watterson
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16-02-2014, 03:25 PM
RE: Adoption
(16-02-2014 03:03 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  I have barely started looking for adoption routes - it's so friggin overwhelming.

We know one thing. We want an infant (under 1 year) and we dont want to foster. Nor do we want any special needs kids - I guess that makes me a bad person for saying that.

It absolutely does not make you a bad person. I have stories from fostering that I have lived and would never wish on anyone. Infants have (often times) the best chance for socially "normal" upbringings.

Foster care rules are so not meant for raising healthy well adjusted kids that have already suffered. The rules are so backwards... I will not get started on that but it most definitely does not make anyone a bad person.

I also have no room to talk.My husband and I poured our hearts over whether or not to adopt our first foster daughter . Yes, we have been judged for not choosing that route. However, they have not walked in our shoes. We love her so dearly but it wasn't a good permanent fit for our family. Yes, she had everything she needed. But didn't she deserve the family that fits her personality too?

International is generally easier but more expensive. Easier is not to say it is by any means easy. The process is very personally invasive and can cause more feelings of anger as many people just pop out a healthy baby and the people that suffer thru infertility and pregnancy loss must have their lives examined in order to prove they are worthy of parenting.

Domestic is generally done through adding your profile to some crisis pregnancy agencies rolls. It is usually done through a lawyer and there are a variety of ways to set up the relationship between you and the natural parent(s). My cousin #1 knows nothing of his natural mother and father. while cousin #2 has maintained a relationship with grandma because natural mom has been in jail majority of her life.

I would be willing to discuss more if you like but many of the stories are pretty personal that I don't feel is my place to post on the web.

Blink
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16-02-2014, 03:37 PM
RE: Adoption
(16-02-2014 03:03 PM)Cathym112 Wrote:  Thanks. The fertility problems lie with my other half. We were lucky to get pregnant the first time....and my son strangled himself in utero.

I didn't mourn for him....I mourned for the idea of him. Of having a baby at that time. Now I have to mourn the lost opportunity all over again.

I have barely started looking for adoption routes - it's so friggin overwhelming.

We know one thing. We want an infant (under 1 year) and we dont want to foster. Nor do we want any special needs kids - I guess that makes me a bad person for saying that.

Cathy, I'm truly sorry to hear what your journey has been like.
My Mom was not able to have kids so my siblings and I are all adopted. I was adopted first and then about a year later my adoptive parents split so I got to do the fun back and forth and blended family shit.

My mom remarried. We adopted my sister when she was 1. She bounced around from foster care to foster care before that. Unfortunately her birth mother used drugs and was living on the street while she was pg with my sister. I'm not sure if that was the cause or not but my sister does have mental issues and we've never been very close. I remember asking my mom when would we really be sisters.
My brother we adopted from Romania when he was several months old.
Even though open adoptions were not common when I was adopted my birth mom still wanted to keep in touch via letters and such. I got b-day and xmas cards and presents. My adoptive mom would send letters and pictures to my bio mom. When I was old enough I got in contact with my bio mom and we've been close ever since. It's been really fun meeting my bio family.
Adoption is great considering the alternative. My adoptive parents and I did have very different personalities and so it was difficult. After meeting my bio family and seeing how much we have in common... there's something about being related. BUT that was my experience. Even with bio kids/parents there are personality conflicts.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice on the adoption process. I know it can take a long time and is costly... But if you ever have questions for an adoptee, you can pm me.
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16-02-2014, 03:47 PM
RE: Adoption
When my mom was very young she had a daughter that she gave up for adoption. If it weren't for two amazing people that I wouldn't meet for my first sixteen years, I wouldn't have a sister. Her parents, like you, were unable to have children, and also like you, were incredible enough people to know that loving a child has nothing to do with who's blood runs through their veins.

You may be in for a bumpy ride, but please, stay the course.

Thank you. Sincerely.

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16-02-2014, 03:55 PM
RE: Adoption
There are some wonderful children out there just waiting for the chance to have someone to call mommy.

I think adoption is one of the most kind things a person can do. So I wish you the best with that. Smile
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