Adventures with Earmuffs and...
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25-09-2015, 11:28 PM
Adventures with Earmuffs and...
Nobody else because I am a strong independent black women who don't need no man mmhmm *finger snap*.

Que my adventuring music!

for best effects read the following while listening to the following as I wrote the follow while listening to the following. Like I literally listened to this song 20 times in a row while I typed this up I'm not shitting you. So the least you can do is listen to this shit once.




Equipped with his boots of haste +1 our hero the great and noble Earmuffs venture forth from thy kingdom upon a grand ship that flew across the vast oceans to the unexplored lands they call Candradia, which in no way is a mockery name of the real life country Canada.

boots of haste +1, note the bows for extra flare.
[Image: n05osp-l-610x610-shoes-boots-hippie-vint...-green.jpg]

Shortly after thy set sail our noble hero quickly comes to thy realization that he has thy forgotten his amulet of clean teeth +4, a glorious gift passed down to him by thy Prince of his homeland New Zealandria, which is in no way just some sort of adaptation of this authors actual homeland.. I swear.. stop looking at me like that.
No fussed and steadied by his heart of gold he puckered up the courage to continue ownwards therealy.

After many moons upon the flying ocean wagon, after many a cold feeted night thy hero come forth to the land in which thy seeks. Jesus Christ I'm bad at this fairy talk. Quickly finding a nearby tavern our hero Sir Earmuffs tuckers down for the night. Sipping on local brew, Vanilla Cola + 1.5, which only cost him 1.99 gold coins, and trying his hand at a local delicacy meat, KFC. Though consuming too much our hero gained the 'bloated' debuff and thusly had to rest for the night.

Upon the morn our hero arose in time to see the friendly crew of his sea flying wagon off as they sail home for New Zealandria. He gazed upon the morning sun and pondered its strange position in the sky for he had never been so far north from thy home before.

Ready for thy day our noble hero, Sir Earmuffs the Brave, began his venture heading into the deep wilderness of Candradia (or whatever I called it earlier). He passed tiny fast moving rivers, trees with more moss on them than the Queens vagina until he came to a clearly. There stood a small cabin house.
"hello therealy"
Our hero called.
"Oh, hello"
Came a voice as a small little dwarfen man with a big ginger beard stepped out from thy house. They exchanged pleasantries before the dwarfen man, who said his name was Stork Roaming, which in no way at all has anything to do with real people, invited Sir Earmuffs he Brave and Wise in for tea and cookies.

Our hero sat upon the dwarfs couch while two strange 4 legged beasts sat upon the ground. The tiny dwarfen filled our heros belly and once again our hero acquired the 'bloated' debuffed and passed out in his full plate armor and all.

The following day the tiny little dwarfen man took our glorious hero, Sir Earmuffs the Brave, Wise and Hansom to the a small local village where they shopped at the market. The tiny wee little dwarfen man showed our glorious hero strange horned creatures that resembled somewhat that of creatures back home. Our glorious hero wondered if these creatures too make great lovers but he did not press the tiny wee dwarfen man for an answer.

After the market they trekked back through the magical forest where our glorious hero saw rocks bigger than rocks slightly smaller than those ones, and more trees.

After another day of pleasantries at the tiny wee infantile dwarfen mans house they returned to the market where our glorious hero brought corn. Upon their return home the tiny wee infantile dwarfen man showed our glorious hero the hole in which thy throw thy disfigured, unwanted babies. And some more moss covered trees.

The days rolled on by as thy hero and thy tiny wee infantile dwarfen man spent their days eatting bacon and looking at rocks and rivers and moss covered trees and eatting more bacon. It was like love. A sort of strange forbidden love that shouldn't happen because two heroes that ventured off into far away lands already fell in love and one even had a baby and thus it should never happen...

Several more days passed until they glorious hero slit the tiny infantile dwarfen man's throat while he slept because our glorious hero was secretly a serial killer!

The end.

What? It's my damn story I'll end it however I damn well please. I got shit to do son.

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25-09-2015, 11:31 PM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
(25-09-2015 11:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  Nobody else because I am a strong independent black women who don't need no man mmhmm *finger snap*.

Que my adventuring music!

for best effects read the following while listening to the following as I wrote the follow while listening to the following. Like I literally listened to this song 20 times in a row while I typed this up I'm not shitting you. So the least you can do is listen to this shit once.




Equipped with his boots of haste +1 our hero the great and noble Earmuffs venture forth from thy kingdom upon a grand ship that flew across the vast oceans to the unexplored lands they call Candradia, which in no way is a mockery name of the real life country Canada.

boots of haste +1, note the bows for extra flare.
[Image: n05osp-l-610x610-shoes-boots-hippie-vint...-green.jpg]

Shortly after thy set sail our noble hero quickly comes to thy realization that he has thy forgotten his amulet of clean teeth +4, a glorious gift passed down to him by thy Prince of his homeland New Zealandria, which is in no way just some sort of adaptation of this authors actual homeland.. I swear.. stop looking at me like that.
No fussed and steadied by his heart of gold he puckered up the courage to continue ownwards therealy.

After many moons upon the flying ocean wagon, after many a cold feeted night thy hero come forth to the land in which thy seeks. Jesus Christ I'm bad at this fairy talk. Quickly finding a nearby tavern our hero Sir Earmuffs tuckers down for the night. Sipping on local brew, Vanilla Cola + 1.5, which only cost him 1.99 gold coins, and trying his hand at a local delicacy meat, KFC. Though consuming too much our hero gained the 'bloated' debuff and thusly had to rest for the night.

Upon the morn our hero arose in time to see the friendly crew of his sea flying wagon off as they sail home for New Zealandria. He gazed upon the morning sun and pondered its strange position in the sky for he had never been so far north from thy home before.

Ready for thy day our noble hero, Sir Earmuffs the Brave, began his venture heading into the deep wilderness of Candradia (or whatever I called it earlier). He passed tiny fast moving rivers, trees with more moss on them than the Queens vagina until he came to a clearly. There stood a small cabin house.
"hello therealy"
Our hero called.
"Oh, hello"
Came a voice as a small little dwarfen man with a big ginger beard stepped out from thy house. They exchanged pleasantries before the dwarfen man, who said his name was Stork Roaming, which in no way at all has anything to do with real people, invited Sir Earmuffs he Brave and Wise in for tea and cookies.

Our hero sat upon the dwarfs couch while two strange 4 legged beasts sat upon the ground. The tiny dwarfen filled our heros belly and once again our hero acquired the 'bloated' debuffed and passed out in his full plate armor and all.

The following day the tiny little dwarfen man took our glorious hero, Sir Earmuffs the Brave, Wise and Hansom to the a small local village where they shopped at the market. The tiny wee little dwarfen man showed our glorious hero strange horned creatures that resembled somewhat that of creatures back home. Our glorious hero wondered if these creatures too make great lovers but he did not press the tiny wee dwarfen man for an answer.

After the market they trekked back through the magical forest where our glorious hero saw rocks bigger than rocks slightly smaller than those ones, and more trees.

After another day of pleasantries at the tiny wee infantile dwarfen mans house they returned to the market where our glorious hero brought corn. Upon their return home the tiny wee infantile dwarfen man showed our glorious hero the hole in which thy throw thy disfigured, unwanted babies. And some more moss covered trees.

The days rolled on by as thy hero and thy tiny wee infantile dwarfen man spent their days eatting bacon and looking at rocks and rivers and moss covered trees and eatting more bacon. It was like love. A sort of strange forbidden love that shouldn't happen because two heroes that ventured off into far away lands already fell in love and one even had a baby and thus it should never happen...

Several more days passed until they glorious hero slit the tiny infantile dwarfen man's throat while he slept because our glorious hero was secretly a serial killer!

The end.

What? It's my damn story I'll end it however I damn well please. I got shit to do son.

You go, GURL!

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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25-09-2015, 11:41 PM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
I'm not as think as you stoned I am

Tl/dr


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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25-09-2015, 11:43 PM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
Those shoes don't keep your feet warm? Dude, buy some decent socks!

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
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26-09-2015, 12:14 AM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
The music was good for the story length.
7/10
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26-09-2015, 12:22 AM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
Adventures with Earmuffs and...

...Miss Michigan.

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"I feel as though the camera is almost a kind of voyeur in Mr. Beans life, and you just watch this bizarre man going about his life in the way that he wants to."

-Rowan Atkinson
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26-09-2015, 01:36 AM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
Quote:Like I literally listened to this song 20 times in a row

I hope that evident horrifying effects on your brain are not lasting. Gws.

Tongue

. . . ................................ ......................................... . [Image: 2dsmnow.gif] Eat at Joe's
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26-09-2015, 01:37 AM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
Weak.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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26-09-2015, 09:20 AM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
Fucking Earmuffs . . .

(22-08-2015 07:30 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  It is by will alone I set my brows in motion it is by the conditioner of avocado that the brows acquire volume the skin acquires spots the spots become a warning. It is by will alone I set my brows in motion.
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26-09-2015, 07:44 PM
RE: Adventures with Earmuffs and...
I enjoyed your adventure story but I'm an American. If you really want to sell it to my people, you have to slay a lot of people in it. Think "killing in biblical proportions." A little raping would be good too. Literature in America is all sex and death. Big Grin
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