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15-07-2014, 06:15 AM
Advice appreciated
I have been thinking as an atheist since I was about 15. I am 43 and living with the preacher's daughter, trying to get out of the relationship.
In my late 30's I felt like something was wrong because I wasn't married with children yet, so I got online and found a wife. She is a preacher's kid. I was in love and gave religion a fair shot. Even more questions came out of it. In the meantime I wanted to honor my commitment and work on the marriage, including having a child. He is 2 and being dragged to church just about every Sunday. I agreed to expose him to church, but not to brainwash him. I worry for his future because I cannot live with this woman and have to break free, maybe even leaving my son with with her or her family for a long time- depending on a judge's ruling as far as custody goes.
I believe he will make the right decision, but I would like to know how many of you grew up in a similar situation? Or were in the same situation?
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15-07-2014, 06:50 PM
RE: Advice appreciated
I'm not sure what you are seeking advice on. So, I'll just pick the opening that I see.

Here is my advice: grow a set and fight to be a father. I have no idea what happened to your marriage, so won't pretend to have anything to offer. But, why would you just concede he's living with his mother or her family? You are his father. Don't assume the judge will make the right decision. Fight to continue to be a father and to have a say in how your son is raised.

My 2 cents, as a fellow father.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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18-07-2014, 05:26 AM
RE: Advice appreciated
(15-07-2014 06:50 PM)BnW Wrote:  I'm not sure what you are seeking advice on. So, I'll just pick the opening that I see.

Here is my advice: grow a set and fight to be a father. I have no idea what happened to your marriage, so won't pretend to have anything to offer. But, why would you just concede he's living with his mother or her family? You are his father. Don't assume the judge will make the right decision. Fight to continue to be a father and to have a say in how your son is raised.

My 2 cents, as a fellow father.

I haven't given up- I have heard from others and lawyers (who I've met with) that a child at my son's age will more than likely end up living with his mother. I am documenting things that I think will be relevant in a custody battle and I refuse to turn my house into a war zone. I wanted to find out if anyone had gone through a divorce from a preacher's daughter who feels it is necessary to take her 2 year old to church just about every Sunday, but won't accept her duties as a mother when it comes to anything else. If I try to fight her- then I get called a monster because of my lack of belief, and I actually fear going to jail because all I have to do is ask her a question with a scowl on my face and she accuses me of "blowing up" and she is scared- by a question from me while I am sitting in chair.
Any way I thank you for taking the time- it helps getting someone else's point of view. I guess I am dealing with more than just a religious conflict with my marriage.
The whole point of my initial post was to say that I won't let her make every decision when it comes to raising our child- but I can't expect to make every decision either, is there a compromise anyone else has reached? or a way to go about it? especially dealing with belief?
Thank you
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18-07-2014, 06:33 AM
RE: Advice appreciated
Probably the best you can do is get joint custody. Prepare. Go to a course for taking care of toddlers that gives a certificate, inform yourself about the criteria the court will look at and trump them, be better than the norm. Take your time and prepare well...

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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20-07-2014, 08:18 PM
RE: Advice appreciated
Whatever you do don't start mudslinging - big sign of immaturity and it won't go well for you. Call it a marriage breakdown that's been brewing for a few years. Apply for custody if you can manage a job and a toddler. You need to present a positive picture as to how you would raise this child. If you can't do it, then ask for liberal time (state how much and how often) but that the child be picked up and delivered on neutral territory. Don't mention your religious differences. Sons grow up and want to be like dad, no matter what your wife has taught him. There's no better time spent together than a father and son fishing. It's magic.
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20-07-2014, 08:31 PM
RE: Advice appreciated
(18-07-2014 05:26 AM)dipswitch Wrote:  
(15-07-2014 06:50 PM)BnW Wrote:  I'm not sure what you are seeking advice on. So, I'll just pick the opening that I see.

Here is my advice: grow a set and fight to be a father. I have no idea what happened to your marriage, so won't pretend to have anything to offer. But, why would you just concede he's living with his mother or her family? You are his father. Don't assume the judge will make the right decision. Fight to continue to be a father and to have a say in how your son is raised.

My 2 cents, as a fellow father.

I haven't given up- I have heard from others and lawyers (who I've met with) that a child at my son's age will more than likely end up living with his mother. I am documenting things that I think will be relevant in a custody battle and I refuse to turn my house into a war zone. I wanted to find out if anyone had gone through a divorce from a preacher's daughter who feels it is necessary to take her 2 year old to church just about every Sunday, but won't accept her duties as a mother when it comes to anything else. If I try to fight her- then I get called a monster because of my lack of belief, and I actually fear going to jail because all I have to do is ask her a question with a scowl on my face and she accuses me of "blowing up" and she is scared- by a question from me while I am sitting in chair.
Any way I thank you for taking the time- it helps getting someone else's point of view. I guess I am dealing with more than just a religious conflict with my marriage.
The whole point of my initial post was to say that I won't let her make every decision when it comes to raising our child- but I can't expect to make every decision either, is there a compromise anyone else has reached? or a way to go about it? especially dealing with belief?
Thank you

I did not mean to come off harsh.

As for your issue, there is no easy solution. My guess is the problem is not your father in law's occupation as much as your wife's disposition. I can tell you from some friends experiences that custody battles can be brutal. Your best outcome is shared custody and you won't be able to stop her taking the kid to church. No judge is going to agree to that.

I don't envy you and wish you the best of luck.

Shackle their minds when they're bent on the cross
When ignorance reigns, life is lost
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20-07-2014, 08:51 PM
RE: Advice appreciated
Some good advice so far. Joint custody might be your best solution.
At least your son won't have to go to church on the weekends he's with you.
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21-07-2014, 09:32 AM
RE: Advice appreciated
PLEASE EDIT YOUR INITIAL POST AND CLEARLY STATE WHAT TYPE OF ADVICE YOU ARE SEEKING. CURRENTLY, THE TOPIC SHOULD NOT BE IN PIAS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT SEEKING SUPPORT NOR CLEAR ADVICE FOR YOUR PERSONAL ISSUES. THIS TOPIC WILL BE MOVED TO THE PROPER FORUM IF PROTOCOL IS NOT FOLLOWED. THANK YOU.

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