Advice from yours truly.
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
27-02-2013, 02:25 PM
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(27-02-2013 02:22 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  You talkin' 'bout the contrapositive, the converse, or the inverse. ... Ah it don't fuckin' matter none. ... The answer's the same. Big Grin
Jesus, programmers and personal jesuses - always making stuff harder than it should be.

All I wanted to know was how about wanting to bone someone you ain't attracted to... but you kinda killed the mood. Thanks for nothing Dodgy

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderĂ²."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-02-2013, 02:30 PM (This post was last modified: 27-02-2013 02:45 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(27-02-2013 02:25 PM)Vera Wrote:  
(27-02-2013 02:22 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  You talkin' 'bout the contrapositive, the converse, or the inverse. ... Ah it don't fuckin' matter none. ... The answer's the same. Big Grin
Jesus, programmers and personal jesuses - always making stuff harder than it should be.

All I wanted to know was how about wanting to bone someone you ain't attracted to... but you kinda killed the mood. Thanks for nothing Dodgy

That's what sheep, goats and other livestock are for. ... Note to potential CIA agents undergoing their entry level polygraph, don't lead with "Okay, so I fucked a goat." and there are certain cities in Thailand where you don't want to have visited. ... Those cities in Thailand are far more detrimental to your employment than you fucking a goat.

Breathing - it's more art than science.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like GirlyMan's post
27-02-2013, 02:50 PM
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(27-02-2013 10:13 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Hello advice column. I'll dive right in.

So there's this guy - two of them, actually - and neither
is my husband whom I'm currently trying to work things out with as he's
done a total about-face after I told him I wanted a divorce.



Anyway, on with the questions.



This first guy is, well, he's something else. I didn't think so at
first, wasn't even attracted to him, but the more I got to know him, the
stronger my feelings got. He's not all that intelligent - one of those
atheist fellows - but I tend to see the good in people and I know he has
a good heart, so it isn't too much of a problem. Besides, I'm sure I
could change him. So anyway, here I am with a troubled marriage and here
this guy is with no woman to betray and no morals to keep him in check,
and I've done everything I can to let him know I like him, and I know
from watching television that people just bump into each other and have
sex all the time and I also know that men only ever think about sex and
that given half the chance, they'll pounce on anything that's available, so
why hasn't he made a move on me? I mean, am I living in a parallel
universe or something? I'm starting to think he's a closet Christian.



The second guy whom I'm in a bit of a quandary with is one I would consider my friend. At least, I want
to be friends with him, but I'm running into the "men and women can't
be just friends" conundrum, and it's all my fault. We were hanging out
one night and, from previous conversations I've learned that he's a
free-baller and so... yeah. He was sitting there in this light blue pair of
jeans with his legs spread apart in that relaxed position guys get into,
and I saw it. You know... it. Trouble is, this is the second
time that this has happened. The first time was after we'd all gone out
and he was sitting there in my living room and um, :clears throat: I saw
a very generous bulge in his shorts and frankly stared at it for at
least two minutes straight. I really like this guy - he's kind of
awkward socially, just like me, and we have the same taste in books and
he has this really funny accent he does, and anyway, I just really like
him and I don't want to feel like we're on unequal footing,
because no matter how hard I try to forget, the outline of his beautiful
member is tattooed into my brain, and far as I know, he's seen none of my lady bits. Help!



I've turned to you because I'm at the end of my rope on these dilemmas. I tried a book that
came highly-recommended, called Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth,
but I couldn't find any good solid answers. In fact, I ended up with
more questions! Maybe I'm reading it wrong? I need someone to interpret
this stuff for me because I damn sure can't figure it out for myself.



Eternal thanks, because, if I got nothing else out of that book, I'm
pretty sure I've got a cave deep in the bowels of everlasting hell with
my name on it. Maybe I'll see you there and you could come over for a
barbecue one Sunday. Hope you like babies.

Escape Artist, whose tongue is only slightly planted in her cheek.
" Men only ever think about sex."

If you seriously think this, then you're obviously doing it wrong.

Men can be emotional, Asexual (in the sense that they don't crave sex), and just as considerate and steadfast to moral as "the gentle sex."

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
27-02-2013, 04:08 PM
RE: Advice from yours truly.
Okay, so obviously I took the intent of this particular thread wrong. I
looked at some of the old stuff on here and it all seemed to be sort of
tongue-in-cheek advice to tongue-in-cheek problems. This (my post) was a
poor attempt at being funny. Guess I failed on that.



And yes, I know that men can be all
kinds of sexual (or not) and no, I'm not looking to stir up more trouble
in my marriage, I was just trying to joke about some of the genuine
things I'd been having problems with (that guy I talked about at first
is one of the bigger reasons I came around to atheism - because I saw
that people without religion can be very kind and moral). And by the way, he's a very intelligent man and he'd never do anything with me even though I admire him (and I'm sure he knows that) because he is
such a stand-up guy. And things are better in my marriage - we're
working on things though the trust is broken - and I'm hoping they'll
just continue to get better so I've no plans of running off with anyone.
And my husband knows I'm friends with that second guy and he and I joke
about sexual stuff on occasion and yes, my husband knows that as well.
So yeah...



Anyway, just
forget about it. I'll fuck off now.



I feel like a colossal idiot right now and I apologize if I came off as a flaming jerk. Later. Or not.

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Escape Artist's post
27-02-2013, 04:16 PM (This post was last modified: 27-02-2013 04:51 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(27-02-2013 04:08 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I feel like a colossal idiot right now and I apologize if I came off as a flaming jerk. Later. Or not.
You didn't, it was funny, keep bringing it bitch. Thumbsup

Breathing - it's more art than science.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes GirlyMan's post
04-03-2013, 04:49 PM
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(27-02-2013 04:16 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(27-02-2013 04:08 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I feel like a colossal idiot right now and I apologize if I came off as a flaming jerk. Later. Or not.
You didn't, it was funny, keep bringing it bitch. Thumbsup
Thanks for that. Still, looking back at my original post, it was clearly in poor taste, especially when one asks themselves the old "How would I feel if..." Because if I were my husband and I'd read that post, I'd have my feelings truly and deeply hurt. That being said, he hurt me very deeply as well, and maybe some of that desire to "hurt him back" came through in my words. He is trying very hard, from what I can tell, to make things right between us. It's just difficult to trust people when it seems life has made a habit of proving to me that no one can be trusted and so it's better to just keep a safe distance from them.

But, I think a lot of that has to do with my being too trusting from the outset and not making anyone prove themselves trustworthy before I hand my heart over to them so whose fault is that, really? Mine.

Hamata k, if you could just kindly ignore my original bid for advice, here's another:

I've been having lots of dreams lately wherein I'm enjoying a cigarette (or two, or three, or more) and it's gotten out of hand. I can't seem to have a single dream in which I don't light one up. In real life, I've never smoked (though I enjoy the smell of them and associate them with loved ones - friends/family who smoke, etc.) and don't plan to do so, ever, but part of me wonders if these dreams aren't prophetic in nature. If am in fact destined to become a smoker. Advice?

Also, because my mom was such a good Christian and thus saw fit to isolate me from all my "evil" little peers during a time in one's life when they're learning how to socialize, I tend to be very socially awkward (thus my weird-ass original post and subsequent apology) and can't ever seem to fit in. It's possible that even when I do fit in, I'm not aware of it. How can I overcome this? Beer (especially Budweiser) seems to help with this problem, but I gotta be sober sometimes, you know?

Confused (hopes this bid for advice - which is also being posted with humorous intent - goes over better than the last)

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
05-03-2013, 02:04 PM
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(27-02-2013 04:08 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Okay, so obviously I took the intent of this particular thread wrong. I
looked at some of the old stuff on here and it all seemed to be sort of
tongue-in-cheek advice to tongue-in-cheek problems. This (my post) was a
poor attempt at being funny. Guess I failed on that.



And yes, I know that men can be all
kinds of sexual (or not) and no, I'm not looking to stir up more trouble
in my marriage, I was just trying to joke about some of the genuine
things I'd been having problems with (that guy I talked about at first
is one of the bigger reasons I came around to atheism - because I saw
that people without religion can be very kind and moral). And by the way, he's a very intelligent man and he'd never do anything with me even though I admire him (and I'm sure he knows that) because he is
such a stand-up guy. And things are better in my marriage - we're
working on things though the trust is broken - and I'm hoping they'll
just continue to get better so I've no plans of running off with anyone.
And my husband knows I'm friends with that second guy and he and I joke
about sexual stuff on occasion and yes, my husband knows that as well.
So yeah...



Anyway, just
forget about it. I'll fuck off now.



I feel like a colossal idiot right now and I apologize if I came off as a flaming jerk. Later. Or not.

(04-03-2013 04:49 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(27-02-2013 04:16 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  You didn't, it was funny, keep bringing it bitch. Thumbsup
Thanks for that. Still, looking back at my original post, it was clearly in poor taste, especially when one asks themselves the old "How would I feel if..." Because if I were my husband and I'd read that post, I'd have my feelings truly and deeply hurt. That being said, he hurt me very deeply as well, and maybe some of that desire to "hurt him back" came through in my words. He is trying very hard, from what I can tell, to make things right between us. It's just difficult to trust people when it seems life has made a habit of proving to me that no one can be trusted and so it's better to just keep a safe distance from them.

But, I think a lot of that has to do with my being too trusting from the outset and not making anyone prove themselves trustworthy before I hand my heart over to them so whose fault is that, really? Mine.

Hamata k, if you could just kindly ignore my original bid for advice, here's another:

I've been having lots of dreams lately wherein I'm enjoying a cigarette (or two, or three, or more) and it's gotten out of hand. I can't seem to have a single dream in which I don't light one up. In real life, I've never smoked (though I enjoy the smell of them and associate them with loved ones - friends/family who smoke, etc.) and don't plan to do so, ever, but part of me wonders if these dreams aren't prophetic in nature. If am in fact destined to become a smoker. Advice?

Also, because my mom was such a good Christian and thus saw fit to isolate me from all my "evil" little peers during a time in one's life when they're learning how to socialize, I tend to be very socially awkward (thus my weird-ass original post and subsequent apology) and can't ever seem to fit in. It's possible that even when I do fit in, I'm not aware of it. How can I overcome this? Beer (especially Budweiser) seems to help with this problem, but I gotta be sober sometimes, you know?

Confused (hopes this bid for advice - which is also being posted with humorous intent - goes over better than the last)

Well darn. And here I thought this was dead! I stop paying attention and it explodes! I guess this world just can't go on without me.

Well let's get to it shall we? OH! Before I begin I might as well clear something up. If you ask a serious question, I will give a serious answer. Ask an absurd question and I'll show you the meaning of absurd.



Okay so as for you first issue with the dreams of smoking. hmm. You know if I took any of my reoccurring dreams for face value or as some kind of sign. I'd be significantly more insane then I already am. The dreams about you having a smoke could be allocated to something obscure. Here's an example. You said that you're socially awkward so perhaps you view smoking as a way to form some kind of social contact. You undoubtedly see smokers in the same group so you might be unconsciously associating that with social interaction. It could even be that a character you like in a show or book smokes.
Hell. Your dreams about smoking could be caused by your fretting over your dreams being about smoking. The human mind is a fun place. My advice is to just ignore it. It's meaningless and has absolutely no power....well that is unless you give it power....don't.

As for the social awkwardness. Don't worry about it. It takes time. I was socially awkward for the longest time until I got better at interacting people by (surprise surprise) interacting with people. Start by talking with people in chats or over skype on some game system. It helps. However. For the love of everything holy, unholy, or otherwise not religious. Do not start drinking to improve your social skills. If you do that then your mind will associate social gatherings (and what not) with booze meaning that you will be incapable of being social without alcohol. That's a messy scene. I had to clean someone up after they took to that little habit and let me tell you. My electric bill skyrocketed after so much shock therapy. Anyway. If you need someone to practice chatting with, I've been told that I'm an easy guy t get along with due to my tendency to give a standard of zero fucks almost all the time.

NEW AND IMPROVED!
Twice the anger, Half the space!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like Hamata k's post
07-03-2013, 12:50 PM (This post was last modified: 07-03-2013 01:02 PM by Escape Artist.)
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(05-03-2013 02:04 PM)Hamata k Wrote:  
(27-02-2013 04:08 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Okay, so obviously I took the intent of this particular thread wrong. I
looked at some of the old stuff on here and it all seemed to be sort of
tongue-in-cheek advice to tongue-in-cheek problems. This (my post) was a
poor attempt at being funny. Guess I failed on that.



And yes, I know that men can be all
kinds of sexual (or not) and no, I'm not looking to stir up more trouble
in my marriage, I was just trying to joke about some of the genuine
things I'd been having problems with (that guy I talked about at first
is one of the bigger reasons I came around to atheism - because I saw
that people without religion can be very kind and moral). And by the way, he's a very intelligent man and he'd never do anything with me even though I admire him (and I'm sure he knows that) because he is
such a stand-up guy. And things are better in my marriage - we're
working on things though the trust is broken - and I'm hoping they'll
just continue to get better so I've no plans of running off with anyone.
And my husband knows I'm friends with that second guy and he and I joke
about sexual stuff on occasion and yes, my husband knows that as well.
So yeah...



Anyway, just
forget about it. I'll fuck off now.



I feel like a colossal idiot right now and I apologize if I came off as a flaming jerk. Later. Or not.

(04-03-2013 04:49 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Thanks for that. Still, looking back at my original post, it was clearly in poor taste, especially when one asks themselves the old "How would I feel if..." Because if I were my husband and I'd read that post, I'd have my feelings truly and deeply hurt. That being said, he hurt me very deeply as well, and maybe some of that desire to "hurt him back" came through in my words. He is trying very hard, from what I can tell, to make things right between us. It's just difficult to trust people when it seems life has made a habit of proving to me that no one can be trusted and so it's better to just keep a safe distance from them.

But, I think a lot of that has to do with my being too trusting from the outset and not making anyone prove themselves trustworthy before I hand my heart over to them so whose fault is that, really? Mine.

Hamata k, if you could just kindly ignore my original bid for advice, here's another:

I've been having lots of dreams lately wherein I'm enjoying a cigarette (or two, or three, or more) and it's gotten out of hand. I can't seem to have a single dream in which I don't light one up. In real life, I've never smoked (though I enjoy the smell of them and associate them with loved ones - friends/family who smoke, etc.) and don't plan to do so, ever, but part of me wonders if these dreams aren't prophetic in nature. If am in fact destined to become a smoker. Advice?

Also, because my mom was such a good Christian and thus saw fit to isolate me from all my "evil" little peers during a time in one's life when they're learning how to socialize, I tend to be very socially awkward (thus my weird-ass original post and subsequent apology) and can't ever seem to fit in. It's possible that even when I do fit in, I'm not aware of it. How can I overcome this? Beer (especially Budweiser) seems to help with this problem, but I gotta be sober sometimes, you know?

Confused (hopes this bid for advice - which is also being posted with humorous intent - goes over better than the last)

Well darn. And here I thought this was dead! I stop paying attention and it explodes! I guess this world just can't go on without me.

Well let's get to it shall we? OH! Before I begin I might as well clear something up. If you ask a serious question, I will give a serious answer. Ask an absurd question and I'll show you the meaning of absurd.



Okay so as for you first issue with the dreams of smoking. hmm. You know if I took any of my reoccurring dreams for face value or as some kind of sign. I'd be significantly more insane then I already am. The dreams about you having a smoke could be allocated to something obscure. Here's an example. You said that you're socially awkward so perhaps you view smoking as a way to form some kind of social contact. You undoubtedly see smokers in the same group so you might be unconsciously associating that with social interaction. It could even be that a character you like in a show or book smokes.
Hell. Your dreams about smoking could be caused by your fretting over your dreams being about smoking. The human mind is a fun place. My advice is to just ignore it. It's meaningless and has absolutely no power....well that is unless you give it power....don't.

As for the social awkwardness. Don't worry about it. It takes time. I was socially awkward for the longest time until I got better at interacting people by (surprise surprise) interacting with people. Start by talking with people in chats or over skype on some game system. It helps. However. For the love of everything holy, unholy, or otherwise not religious. Do not start drinking to improve your social skills. If you do that then your mind will associate social gatherings (and what not) with booze meaning that you will be incapable of being social without alcohol. That's a messy scene. I had to clean someone up after they took to that little habit and let me tell you. My electric bill skyrocketed after so much shock therapy. Anyway. If you need someone to practice chatting with, I've been told that I'm an easy guy t get along with due to my tendency to give a standard of zero fucks almost all the time.
Thanks, HK!

I hadn't thought about that, actually - that my mind would start to associate social gatherings with booze and that I'd eventually be incapable of socializing without the aid of alcohol, so that is good to know.

In small groups, or in one-on-one situations, I tend to be less shy and it's easier for me to talk, but put me in a crowd and I feel all awkward and get this strange sensation of wanting very much to be noticed by the group, but also to blend into the background. We have some friends we play cards with and I enjoy hanging out with them because the conversations they have tend to be those that I can slip into and out of with ease, that way I can be in the spotlight sometimes and then fade into the background whenever I'd like. It's the best of both worlds.

This is, by the way, a group of guys. In a group with my fellow ladies, I usually feel far more on-the-spot and awkward. They ask pointed questions of me about stuff I could give two shits about - home decor, recipes, Tupperware parties, etc. - and so then I'm on the spot, trying to act like I give a crap about this stuff, when I truly don't.

It's not like the men-folk I'm around have anything all that more profound to say - they talk a lot of sports, which I'm not all that into, either - but at least they don't grill me about the latest stats. They'll get to talking about that kind of stuff and then say, "You probably don't give a crap about this" and I'll shrug and go, "Not really" and then one or the other of them might ask me about something they DO know I'm interested in.

I dunno. My little brother was basically my best friend for many, many years since my mom isolated us so much, so maybe that has something to do with it. I just feel more comfortable around guys. They seem to be more accepting and less judgmental or... something. That probably sounds sexist, but I do have lots of gender issues I'm trying to work on - you know, re-defining gender roles and identities and whatnot since my upbringing painted men in women in very different strokes.

Anywho - thanks a million!

ETA: Too, being an introvert, I sometimes feel guilty about even having a desire to socialize, because for the most part, it's draining for me to be around people all the time. I recharge my batteries by taking time for myself to write or just think or whatever, and really only want to socialize every once in a while. But it seems like kind of a jerk-ish thing to do to be all, "Well, I want to hang out with you, but only when you won't suck the life out of me." It's for this reason that I've only one or two people I'd consider "close" and even they aren't all that close and I don't feel a need to talk to them all that often.

I am full of contradictions. Rolleyes

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-03-2013, 01:55 PM
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(07-03-2013 12:50 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(05-03-2013 02:04 PM)Hamata k Wrote:  Well darn. And here I thought this was dead! I stop paying attention and it explodes! I guess this world just can't go on without me.

Well let's get to it shall we? OH! Before I begin I might as well clear something up. If you ask a serious question, I will give a serious answer. Ask an absurd question and I'll show you the meaning of absurd.



Okay so as for you first issue with the dreams of smoking. hmm. You know if I took any of my reoccurring dreams for face value or as some kind of sign. I'd be significantly more insane then I already am. The dreams about you having a smoke could be allocated to something obscure. Here's an example. You said that you're socially awkward so perhaps you view smoking as a way to form some kind of social contact. You undoubtedly see smokers in the same group so you might be unconsciously associating that with social interaction. It could even be that a character you like in a show or book smokes.
Hell. Your dreams about smoking could be caused by your fretting over your dreams being about smoking. The human mind is a fun place. My advice is to just ignore it. It's meaningless and has absolutely no power....well that is unless you give it power....don't.

As for the social awkwardness. Don't worry about it. It takes time. I was socially awkward for the longest time until I got better at interacting people by (surprise surprise) interacting with people. Start by talking with people in chats or over skype on some game system. It helps. However. For the love of everything holy, unholy, or otherwise not religious. Do not start drinking to improve your social skills. If you do that then your mind will associate social gatherings (and what not) with booze meaning that you will be incapable of being social without alcohol. That's a messy scene. I had to clean someone up after they took to that little habit and let me tell you. My electric bill skyrocketed after so much shock therapy. Anyway. If you need someone to practice chatting with, I've been told that I'm an easy guy t get along with due to my tendency to give a standard of zero fucks almost all the time.
Thanks, HK!

I hadn't thought about that, actually - that my mind would start to associate social gatherings with booze and that I'd eventually be incapable of socializing without the aid of alcohol, so that is good to know.

In small groups, or in one-on-one situations, I tend to be less shy and it's easier for me to talk, but put me in a crowd and I feel all awkward and get this strange sensation of wanting very much to be noticed by the group, but also to blend into the background. We have some friends we play cards with and I enjoy hanging out with them because the conversations they have tend to be those that I can slip into and out of with ease, that way I can be in the spotlight sometimes and then fade into the background whenever I'd like. It's the best of both worlds.

This is, by the way, a group of guys. In a group with my fellow ladies, I usually feel far more on-the-spot and awkward. They ask pointed questions of me about stuff I could give two shits about - home decor, recipes, Tupperware parties, etc. - and so then I'm on the spot, trying to act like I give a crap about this stuff, when I truly don't.

It's not like the men-folk I'm around have anything all that more profound to say - they talk a lot of sports, which I'm not all that into, either - but at least they don't grill me about the latest stats. They'll get to talking about that kind of stuff and then say, "You probably don't give a crap about this" and I'll shrug and go, "Not really" and then one or the other of them might ask me about something they DO know I'm interested in.

I dunno. My little brother was basically my best friend for many, many years since my mom isolated us so much, so maybe that has something to do with it. I just feel more comfortable around guys. They seem to be more accepting and less judgmental or... something. That probably sounds sexist, but I do have lots of gender issues I'm trying to work on - you know, re-defining gender roles and identities and whatnot since my upbringing painted men in women in very different strokes.

Anywho - thanks a million!

ETA: Too, being an introvert, I sometimes feel guilty about even having a desire to socialize, because for the most part, it's draining for me to be around people all the time. I recharge my batteries by taking time for myself to write or just think or whatever, and really only want to socialize every once in a while. But it seems like kind of a jerk-ish thing to do to be all, "Well, I want to hang out with you, but only when you won't suck the life out of me." It's for this reason that I've only one or two people I'd consider "close" and even they aren't all that close and I don't feel a need to talk to them all that often.

I am full of contradictions. Rolleyes
It's not contradicting. It's called being normal. The thing about enjoying the company of males rather than females? Easily explained.

You said that your younger brother was your friend for the longest time? Well you just became used to the way he operates socially. Oh. And as for the only wanting to see people in "bursts" (if you will) is normal too. I can handle only so much foolishness before I fly into a demonic rampage and systematically destroy the sanity of those around me. SO don't feel guilty about not always wanting to hang out with people. Do your own thing and if they get mad don't apologize. Rather just explain that you want to do other stuff. Simplicity at it's finest.

NEW AND IMPROVED!
Twice the anger, Half the space!
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Hamata k's post
07-03-2013, 03:40 PM (This post was last modified: 07-03-2013 03:58 PM by Escape Artist.)
RE: Advice from yours truly.
(07-03-2013 01:55 PM)Hamata k Wrote:  
(07-03-2013 12:50 PM)Escape Artist Wrote:  Thanks, HK!

I hadn't thought about that, actually - that my mind would start to associate social gatherings with booze and that I'd eventually be incapable of socializing without the aid of alcohol, so that is good to know.

In small groups, or in one-on-one situations, I tend to be less shy and it's easier for me to talk, but put me in a crowd and I feel all awkward and get this strange sensation of wanting very much to be noticed by the group, but also to blend into the background. We have some friends we play cards with and I enjoy hanging out with them because the conversations they have tend to be those that I can slip into and out of with ease, that way I can be in the spotlight sometimes and then fade into the background whenever I'd like. It's the best of both worlds.

This is, by the way, a group of guys. In a group with my fellow ladies, I usually feel far more on-the-spot and awkward. They ask pointed questions of me about stuff I could give two shits about - home decor, recipes, Tupperware parties, etc. - and so then I'm on the spot, trying to act like I give a crap about this stuff, when I truly don't.

It's not like the men-folk I'm around have anything all that more profound to say - they talk a lot of sports, which I'm not all that into, either - but at least they don't grill me about the latest stats. They'll get to talking about that kind of stuff and then say, "You probably don't give a crap about this" and I'll shrug and go, "Not really" and then one or the other of them might ask me about something they DO know I'm interested in.

I dunno. My little brother was basically my best friend for many, many years since my mom isolated us so much, so maybe that has something to do with it. I just feel more comfortable around guys. They seem to be more accepting and less judgmental or... something. That probably sounds sexist, but I do have lots of gender issues I'm trying to work on - you know, re-defining gender roles and identities and whatnot since my upbringing painted men in women in very different strokes.

Anywho - thanks a million!

ETA: Too, being an introvert, I sometimes feel guilty about even having a desire to socialize, because for the most part, it's draining for me to be around people all the time. I recharge my batteries by taking time for myself to write or just think or whatever, and really only want to socialize every once in a while. But it seems like kind of a jerk-ish thing to do to be all, "Well, I want to hang out with you, but only when you won't suck the life out of me." It's for this reason that I've only one or two people I'd consider "close" and even they aren't all that close and I don't feel a need to talk to them all that often.

I am full of contradictions. Rolleyes
It's not contradicting. It's called being normal. The thing about enjoying the company of males rather than females? Easily explained.

You said that your younger brother was your friend for the longest time? Well you just became used to the way he operates socially. Oh. And as for the only wanting to see people in "bursts" (if you will) is normal too. I can handle only so much foolishness before I fly into a demonic rampage and systematically destroy the sanity of those around me. SO don't feel guilty about not always wanting to hang out with people. Do your own thing and if they get mad don't apologize. Rather just explain that you want to do other stuff. Simplicity at it's finest.

Or, in the words of Kevin Hart, "Do you, boo boo. Do you." Wink

Oh, and thanks again. I appreciate it...

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: