RE: Advice from yours truly.
(07-03-2013 01:55 PM)Hamata k Wrote:
(07-03-2013 12:50 PM)Escape Artist Wrote: Thanks, HK!
It's not contradicting. It's called being normal. The thing about enjoying the company of males rather than females? Easily explained.
I hadn't thought about that, actually - that my mind would start to associate social gatherings with booze and that I'd eventually be incapable of socializing without the aid of alcohol, so that is good to know.
In small groups, or in one-on-one situations, I tend to be less shy and it's easier for me to talk, but put me in a crowd and I feel all awkward and get this strange sensation of wanting very much to be noticed by the group, but also to blend into the background. We have some friends we play cards with and I enjoy hanging out with them because the conversations they have tend to be those that I can slip into and out of with ease, that way I can be in the spotlight sometimes and then fade into the background whenever I'd like. It's the best of both worlds.
This is, by the way, a group of guys. In a group with my fellow ladies, I usually feel far more on-the-spot and awkward. They ask pointed questions of me about stuff I could give two shits about - home decor, recipes, Tupperware parties, etc. - and so then I'm on the spot, trying to act like I give a crap about this stuff, when I truly don't.
It's not like the men-folk I'm around have anything all that more profound to say - they talk a lot of sports, which I'm not all that into, either - but at least they don't grill me about the latest stats. They'll get to talking about that kind of stuff and then say, "You probably don't give a crap about this" and I'll shrug and go, "Not really" and then one or the other of them might ask me about something they DO know I'm interested in.
I dunno. My little brother was basically my best friend for many, many years since my mom isolated us so much, so maybe that has something to do with it. I just feel more comfortable around guys. They seem to be more accepting and less judgmental or... something. That probably sounds sexist, but I do have lots of gender issues I'm trying to work on - you know, re-defining gender roles and identities and whatnot since my upbringing painted men in women in very different strokes.
Anywho - thanks a million!
ETA: Too, being an introvert, I sometimes feel guilty about even having a desire to socialize, because for the most part, it's draining for me to be around people all the time. I recharge my batteries by taking time for myself to write or just think or whatever, and really only want to socialize every once in a while. But it seems like kind of a jerk-ish thing to do to be all, "Well, I want to hang out with you, but only when you won't suck the life out of me." It's for this reason that I've only one or two people I'd consider "close" and even they aren't all that close and I don't feel a need to talk to them all that often.
I am full of contradictions.
You said that your younger brother was your friend for the longest time? Well you just became used to the way he operates socially. Oh. And as for the only wanting to see people in "bursts" (if you will) is normal too. I can handle only so much foolishness before I fly into a demonic rampage and systematically destroy the sanity of those around me. SO don't feel guilty about not always wanting to hang out with people. Do your own thing and if they get mad don't apologize. Rather just explain that you want to do other stuff. Simplicity at it's finest.
Or, in the words of Kevin Hart, "Do you, boo boo. Do you."
Oh, and thanks again. I appreciate it...