Agony TTAunt
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03-01-2014, 01:21 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(03-01-2014 01:05 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(03-01-2014 12:37 PM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  ...
I think it only fair to warn you that you're messing with powers beyond your ken, or something.Drinking Beverage

Love, peace and pandemonium
Aunty

Is that my Ken who passed away so recently?

Are you in touch with him?

Is he there with you?

Shocking

Why yes, yes it was. He's gone now.

I aksed him where that large sum of money was, so you could collect it but he left saying you should be kind to people, animals and Geordies.

I'm sure with the correct propitiations he could be enticed back. Say a large sum of unmarked bills deposited into a certain Merican bank account.

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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03-01-2014, 01:23 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(03-01-2014 01:21 PM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  
(03-01-2014 01:05 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Is that my Ken who passed away so recently?

Are you in touch with him?

Is he there with you?

Shocking

Why yes, yes it was. He's gone now.

I asked him where that large sum of money was, so you could collect it but he left saying you should be kind to people, animals and Geordies.

I'm sure with the correct propitiations he could be enticed back. Say a large sum of unmarked bills deposited into a certain Merican bank account.

That truly is a miracle!!!

I knew little Ken was an intelligent puppy but... but...

Agony TTAunt, you have amazing powers.

Bowing

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03-01-2014, 01:52 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(03-01-2014 12:12 PM)Dark Light Wrote:  Agony TTAunt,

Recently I have noticed my communication with Shiva has been unclear, intermittent, or incomprehensible. I believe that Venus has been interfering with the Seven Sisters, and ORion has been unable to free them from Taurus. This is the first time in my life that I have ever felt this way, and I don't know what to do. I am desperate. I can feel that my Chi has become intertwined and locked with my 6th Chakra of Vishnu. This has already manifested itself as a big problem in the physical realm. My progress in the search for the Philosopher's Stone has slowed to a crawl - I may have even regressed. Despite my best efforts, I cannot find balance. I have already said seven Hail Marys, meditated facing the rising sun, sacrificed by best goat, and put the most expensive healing crystal I could find in my butt, but still nothing! Where, O, where am I going wrong, and how can I find enlightenment? Please help, I beg of you.

Sincerely,
Desperate

Desparate,
We have entered a new sunspot cycle and all communications with the higher realms is disrupted. Have patience and be sure to propitiate Uranus.

TTAuntie Heart

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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03-01-2014, 02:39 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
Shit you cunts crack me up.

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Now with 40% more awesome.
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03-01-2014, 02:46 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(03-01-2014 12:12 PM)Dark Light Wrote:  Agony TTAunt,

Recently I have noticed my communication with Shiva has been unclear, intermittent, or incomprehensible. I believe that Venus has been interfering with the Seven Sisters, and ORion has been unable to free them from Taurus. This is the first time in my life that I have ever felt this way, and I don't know what to do. I am desperate. I can feel that my Chi has become intertwined and locked with my 6th Chakra of Vishnu. This has already manifested itself as a big problem in the physical realm. My progress in the search for the Philosopher's Stone has slowed to a crawl - I may have even regressed. Despite my best efforts, I cannot find balance. I have already said seven Hail Marys, meditated facing the rising sun, sacrificed by best goat, and put the most expensive healing crystal I could find in my butt, but still nothing! Where, O, where am I going wrong, and how can I find enlightenment? Please help, I beg of you.

Sincerely,
Desperate


Ahahahaha... this is making me laugh!


Such a simple fix, too. You forgot the incense. Lecture_preist

Didn't you watch the video? No
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03-01-2014, 05:51 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(03-01-2014 10:22 AM)DLJ Wrote:  This is a new section and should be regarded as an alternative to the Personal Issues and Support section.

Post any personal issues you have and receive guidance and wisdom derived from sources that may, or may not, include ... divining, tarot reading and/or astrology.



Here is the first letter from the mail bag:



Dear TTAunt,

I had a dream last night and I wonder whether you could interpret it for me.

I think it was triggered by something that Ferdie wrote a while ago about have a forum meetup / conference.

Anyway,
In the dream, a crowd was gathering in a ball-room-kinda place in some unidentified Murikan city.

Seth was on the mic on a stage and started to introduce forum members who then made their entrance to a mix of cheers, boos and "who?"s.

When it came to my name being called I breezed onto the stage (from behind the curtain, stage right) and as I walked out I realised that I was dressed as a crazy hobo carrying a life-size inflatable doll who looked uncannily like Gwyneth Paltrow!

To make matters worse, HoC then came on stage wearing only a fundoshi.
Followed by a shaved-headed Girly carrying a double-barreled shot-gun screaming "get off my lawn" and then Chas entered wearing a sliver wig and girl under each arm ... a bit like this ... (attached)

Then I woke up in a cold sweat!

What can it mean?

I have consulted Pete the Paramecium,
(the Veridican bug, late of a certain "research lab"), with your question.
He is expected to "respond" shortly.
There may be a thmall donathion requethed to The Thouthern Thychic Theminary.
Thit tight.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein
Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music - Friedrich Nietzsche
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03-01-2014, 08:07 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
Dear TTAunt,

I have recently discovered that I have a petty god living under my bed. It keeps telling me that I will go to Hull if I do bad things but promises a trip to Debenhams if I am good. Only thing is, I am unclear as to what this petty god means by what is good or bad as I have not received some form of tablet (preferably an iPad if he can give me one) with the commandments.

Also, he keeps tickling my feet when I am trying to sleep.

Should I step on him or have patience and follow his teachings when his pesky arse decides to finally let me know what I am meant to do?

Help me, TTAunt! I am beside myself! (Literally, he just astral projected my consciousness to the other side of the sofa)

"God is a thought who makes crooked all that is straight." - Nietzsche

You can follow/read my blog on religious text and things related at: http://alookatholytext.wordpress.com/
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03-01-2014, 09:25 PM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2014 09:28 PM by Dark Light.)
RE: Agony TTAunt
(03-01-2014 08:07 PM)SpaceMonkey Wrote:  Dear TTAunt,

I have recently discovered that I have a petty god living under my bed. It keeps telling me that I will go to Hull if I do bad things but promises a trip to Debenhams if I am good. Only thing is, I am unclear as to what this petty god means by what is good or bad as I have not received some form of tablet (preferably an iPad if he can give me one) with the commandments.

Also, he keeps tickling my feet when I am trying to sleep.

Should I step on him or have patience and follow his teachings when his pesky arse decides to finally let me know what I am meant to do?

Help me, TTAunt! I am beside myself! (Literally, he just astral projected my consciousness to the other side of the sofa)

Dear SM,

I have heard of this before. Do not engage directly. I you do you will wind up like the Jews. Damned to periodic torture on earth with no end in sight. In stead, do your best to ignore it (at your own peril), or interact through less intelligent moron, or pay someone more powerful to take take him out. Some people have found success in using less pesky gods as a means to eradicate it- however, they have also been known to fuck their wife and generally be much more damaging (think Thor). In stead, I'd be willing, for a nominal recurring fee, to shoo him away with mirrors (so you can see him coming from down the hall, and under the bed), and lots of smoke (he hates the smoke). Weekly visits are only 9.99% of your income* or a one time fee of $9,995 for a permanent eradication, guaranteed.**

-TTA Auntie

*For the first 6 months, with a 6% increase thereafter and subject change without notice.
**Guarantees regarding the metaphysical are based on 'personal truth', and will not hold up in a court of law.

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03-01-2014, 11:17 PM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2014 11:23 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Agony TTAunt
(03-01-2014 08:07 PM)SpaceMonkey Wrote:  Dear TTAunt,

Also, he keeps tickling my feet when I am trying to sleep.

Dear MonkeyInOrbit,

First let me apologize for the humans for just willy nilly launching you and yours into orbit just to see what would happen. Our bad.

As pertains to your particular issue with the petty god under your bed who keeps tickling your feet, wear socks. The same socks. Every night. Never wash them. See what kinda tolerance god really got for your feet. Having had the misfortune of trying Limburger cheese, my money's on your feet as an effective repellent.

Yours,
TTAunt

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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04-01-2014, 07:29 AM
RE: Agony TTAunt
I threw the bones and they were completely useless - likely because YOU don't believe in bone-throwing. I fear the part of your dream imagining Chas with a woman under each arm has your testosterone tweaked and you may be in love with him. I will consult the crystal ball sometime today.......

buwwwaaahaaaa

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When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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