Agony TTAunt
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04-01-2014, 02:38 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(04-01-2014 12:23 PM)DLJ Wrote:  Here's another one from the mailbag:

Dear Agony TTAunt,

I recently got married. It was a lovely ceremony with many friends and family.

But things started to go wrong on the wedding night.

My new husband, previously such a warm generous and loving man, has some bizarre sexual practices.

I don't wish to recall the details but... no, no, I can't bring myself to talk about it.

What I need help with... I have a rash! It is very sore and painful and getting worse.

Can your psychic powers please advice a remedy or some relief treatment? I have tried rubbing it with a toad but it didn't do any good.

Yours,
Ashamed from Utah.



*beep*
I'm away from the cauldron at this time but please refer to this weblink for assistance:
http://www.spellsofmagic.com/spells/heal.../page.html
*beep*

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06-01-2014, 07:20 AM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(04-01-2014 02:38 PM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  *beep*
I'm away from the cauldron at this time but please refer to this weblink for assistance:
http://www.spellsofmagic.com/spells/heal.../page.html
*beep*

[Image: tumblr_m5dl6ylZ101rx2v6ho2_400.gif#wicke...%20320x240]

Dear Agony TTAunt,

I went to the recommended link and found: Cure Spells

The "casting instructions" were as follows:
"OKAY FIRST AWAKEN YOUR AURATIC FIELD IF YOU HAVE THE EXPERIENCE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT WITHOUT THINK MUCH [sic]."

Where do I find my "auratic field"?

I'm really panicking, now!

Yours,
Perplexed from Utah
Sadcryface

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06-01-2014, 07:40 AM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(06-01-2014 07:20 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(04-01-2014 02:38 PM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  *beep*
I'm away from the cauldron at this time but please refer to this weblink for assistance:
http://www.spellsofmagic.com/spells/heal.../page.html
*beep*

[Image: tumblr_m5dl6ylZ101rx2v6ho2_400.gif#wicke...%20320x240]

Dear Agony TTAunt,

I went to the recommended link and found: Cure Spells

The "casting instructions" were as follows:
"OKAY FIRST AWAKEN YOUR AURATIC FIELD IF YOU HAVE THE EXPERIENCE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT WITHOUT THINK MUCH [sic]."

Where do I find my "auratic field"?

I'm really panicking, now!

Yours,
Perplexed from Utah
Sadcryface

Dear Perplexed,
I am so sorry to hear of your confusion and despair.
However, if you have to ask where to find your auratic field,
then you don't have one.

Sadly,
TTAuntie

Skepticism is not a position; it is an approach to claims.
Science is not a subject, but a method.
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06-01-2014, 08:30 AM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(06-01-2014 07:40 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(06-01-2014 07:20 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Dear Agony TTAunt,

I went to the recommended link and found: Cure Spells

The "casting instructions" were as follows:
"OKAY FIRST AWAKEN YOUR AURATIC FIELD IF YOU HAVE THE EXPERIENCE YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT WITHOUT THINK MUCH [sic]."

Where do I find my "auratic field"?

I'm really panicking, now!

Yours,
Perplexed from Utah
Sadcryface

Dear Perplexed,
I am so sorry to hear of your confusion and despair.
However, if you have to ask where to find your auratic field,
then you don't have one.

Sadly,
TTAuntie


That's it in a nutshell really. Not everyone is meant to for spell casting, is all.
We should attempt to find a solution for Perplexed that doesn't involve auratic fields. There's a section in one of my books named "Imagination Missing" - I shall give a look there for consult.

cheers

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06-01-2014, 09:24 AM
RE: Agony TTAunt
Dear Itchy:
I do believe your issues are a new-marriage one and topical one. Seek a counselor for the sex complaint and apply buttermilk for the rash. You do not seem to need any magical remedy at this time.

witchily yours,
Sabrina

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09-01-2014, 12:44 AM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(06-01-2014 09:24 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Dear Itchy:
I do believe your issues are a new-marriage one and topical one. Seek a counselor for the sex complaint and apply buttermilk for the rash. You do not seem to need any magical remedy at this time.

witchily yours,
Sabrina

If I wanted a scientificky solution, I wouldn't have come to the professionals, would I?

Yours,
Now faith-less from Utah

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09-01-2014, 05:35 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(09-01-2014 12:44 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(06-01-2014 09:24 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  Dear Itchy:
I do believe your issues are a new-marriage one and topical one. Seek a counselor for the sex complaint and apply buttermilk for the rash. You do not seem to need any magical remedy at this time.

witchily yours,
Sabrina

If I wanted a scientificky solution, I wouldn't have come to the professionals, would I?

Yours,
Now faith-less from Utah


Dear Faiith-less
Have you nothing more interesting than a little rash for us to conjure/cure or offer suggestions?

I think you can do better, Besides you didn't give us an update on that bizarre sexual situation you found yourself in during your honeymoon.......now didja?

**wink wink nudge nudge**Shocking

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10-01-2014, 10:53 AM
RE: Agony TTAunt
Dear TTAunt

I have 2 issues (some may say many more issues but I digress) that I'm sure only you can help me with.

The first comes from a dream I had last evening. I was in the UK, everything made sense, their speech didn't sound funny, the warm beer was good and I actually liked the place! What could this mean? Is it possible that in my very muddled ancestry I have their DNA lurking in me? Will I have to be nice to them now?

The second problem stems from what promised to be a rousing Mafia game with people I assumed where firends. They killed me first and without so much as a how do you do! Should I throw off all attachments to everyone I know and live in a cave? I'm afraid of the dark so this would cause no end of problems for me.

I await your sage and hopefully comforting response.

Bummed Out in Boston

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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10-01-2014, 12:37 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(10-01-2014 10:53 AM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  Dear TTAunt

I have 2 issues (some may say many more issues but I digress) that I'm sure only you can help me with.

The first comes from a dream I had last evening. I was in the UK, everything made sense, their speech didn't sound funny, the warm beer was good and I actually liked the place! What could this mean? Is it possible that in my very muddled ancestry I have their DNA lurking in me? Will I have to be nice to them now?

The second problem stems from what promised to be a rousing Mafia game with people I assumed where firends. They killed me first and without so much as a how do you do! Should I throw off all attachments to everyone I know and live in a cave? I'm afraid of the dark so this would cause no end of problems for me.

I await your sage and hopefully comforting response.

Bummed Out in Boston

Dear Bummed Out in Boston (can I call you BOB?),

I am so glad you contacted the TTAunt team. We can most definitely help.

With regards to your dream:
You should feel no obligation to be nice to any Brits. Your dream-self was doing some reverse psychology on you. Kinda anti-aversion therapy.

Brits only become likable once they have left Britland for a while.
It's like with Murikans, the best ones are the ones who have travellled and discovered there are places beyond the borders of their state. The other ones, the insular ones get elected to Governor of Alaska.
This is important for US politics because it is harder to send troops out to countries where you know and understand and like the people you need to kill.

However, this does not mean that you are not a genetic throw-back!

Regarding the second problem...
Are you asking if we advise that you become a troglodyte?
A trog is only one step away from being a troll.

I suggest that you wait for a while to see who killed you.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

With greatest respect
Agony TTAunt.

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10-01-2014, 03:15 PM
RE: Agony TTAunt
(10-01-2014 12:37 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(10-01-2014 10:53 AM)KidCharlemagne1962 Wrote:  Dear TTAunt

I have 2 issues (some may say many more issues but I digress) that I'm sure only you can help me with.

The first comes from a dream I had last evening. I was in the UK, everything made sense, their speech didn't sound funny, the warm beer was good and I actually liked the place! What could this mean? Is it possible that in my very muddled ancestry I have their DNA lurking in me? Will I have to be nice to them now?

The second problem stems from what promised to be a rousing Mafia game with people I assumed where firends. They killed me first and without so much as a how do you do! Should I throw off all attachments to everyone I know and live in a cave? I'm afraid of the dark so this would cause no end of problems for me.

I await your sage and hopefully comforting response.

Bummed Out in Boston

Dear Bummed Out in Boston (can I call you BOB?),

I am so glad you contacted the TTAunt team. We can most definitely help.

With regards to your dream:
You should feel no obligation to be nice to any Brits. Your dream-self was doing some reverse psychology on you. Kinda anti-aversion therapy.

Brits only become likable once they have left Britland for a while.
It's like with Murikans, the best ones are the ones who have travellled and discovered there are places beyond the borders of their state. The other ones, the insular ones get elected to Governor of Alaska.
This is important for US politics because it is harder to send troops out to countries where you know and understand and like the people you need to kill.

However, this does not mean that you are not a genetic throw-back!

Regarding the second problem...
Are you asking if we advise that you become a troglodyte?
A trog is only one step away from being a troll.

I suggest that you wait for a while to see who killed you.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

With greatest respect
Agony TTAunt.

Dearest TTAunty,

BOB it is!

Thank you for that timely and comforting response.

I feel much better about the whole Brit business now.

If I opt for troglodyte will that necessarily lead to being a Troll? Now I'm having a vision of being stuck and the Annual Troll Awards cermony seated between I&I and Mark Dreher! Oh look, a nice bridge from which I can plummet to my death.

Humbly Yours;
BOB

" Generally speaking, the errors in religion are dangerous; those in philosophy only ridiculous."
David Hume
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