Ali vs Tyson
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15-11-2012, 07:53 PM (This post was last modified: 15-11-2012 08:08 PM by Buddy Christ.)
RE: Ali vs Tyson
(15-11-2012 05:22 PM)Chas Wrote:  Hmmm, this is starting to resemble how many boxers can bob and weave on the head of a pin. Consider

On that note... who would win in a bare knuckle fight:

Santa or Jesus?

Inspired by South Park, does Jolly Saint Nick take down The Savior of Mankind in a brawl? Let's head to the Tale of the Tape.


Santa
Age: 200
Height: 6'1''
Weight: 320

A physique and style that resembles Butterbean, Santa should not be taken lightly. What people don't realize is that under that big red suit is mostly mass, not fat. True, he eats more cookies than he should, but visiting every house in one night takes stamina and dedication. He has an entire army of elf trainers and resides at the North Pole, no easy task. The cold and uncomfortable conditions make him resilient to pain and harden his skin. Going down the chimney may be a breeze, but how do you think he gets out of the house? He goes UP the chimney. Have you ever tried scaling a brick tunnel with a bag full of toys strapped to your back? Santa does it millions of times in one night.


Jesus Christ
Age: 33
Height: 6'0''
Weight: 170 pounds

Known for his swimmer's physique and his rigorous training regiments of walking very long distances, even across water, Jesus is no stranger to pain. It is rumored that he held the "Iron Cross" position on a wooden beam for days while his trainer socked him in the ribs with pointy sticks. He is most often compared to Muhammad Ali for his tendency to make outlandish claims to the world. He doesn't mind telling everyone that he is "the chosen one" and frequently proclaims his greatness to the heavens above.


The Fight

Jesus starts the fight well, dancing around the slower and bigger Santa, keeping to the outside and firing off jabs in between attempts to convert Santa to Judaism. Santa's beard absorbs most of the blows. In the middle rounds, Jesus seems to slow and throw less punches as his hands and feet mysteriously start to bleed. Santa traps Jesus in the corner and wails on his bad ribs, accentuating each blow with a "Ho-Ho-Ho bitch!" In the later rounds, Jesus seems to gain his energy back and is filled with new life, as if risen from the dead. In the final round, however, Jesus kept goading Santa to hit him and Santa answered with a haymaker that buried the Savior. On his way to the canvas, Jesus is heard shouting, "The prophecy is fulfilled!" After the fight, many speculate that Jesus took a dive and that his manager Don "God" King had a part in it.

Winner: Santa
Loser: Mankind

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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Messages In This Thread
Ali vs Tyson - Buddy Christ - 14-11-2012, 03:28 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Filox - 14-11-2012, 03:55 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 14-11-2012, 08:57 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Chas - 14-11-2012, 10:12 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 10:18 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 10:21 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 14-11-2012, 10:27 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 10:35 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 14-11-2012, 11:59 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 12:06 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 14-11-2012, 12:18 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - ddrew - 14-11-2012, 12:22 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Aseptic Skeptic - 14-11-2012, 12:36 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 14-11-2012, 12:56 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Aseptic Skeptic - 14-11-2012, 01:12 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 14-11-2012, 01:20 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 01:01 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 14-11-2012, 01:04 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 01:20 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Chas - 14-11-2012, 01:23 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 01:43 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Buddy Christ - 14-11-2012, 03:21 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 03:41 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Buddy Christ - 14-11-2012, 08:45 PM
Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 09:00 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Buddy Christ - 14-11-2012, 09:07 PM
Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 14-11-2012, 09:10 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - bemore - 15-11-2012, 04:02 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - kingschosen - 15-11-2012, 04:23 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Buddy Christ - 15-11-2012, 06:36 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Filox - 21-11-2012, 05:54 AM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - HereticHick - 15-11-2012, 05:13 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Chas - 15-11-2012, 05:22 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Buddy Christ - 15-11-2012 07:53 PM
Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 15-11-2012, 07:13 PM
Ali vs Tyson - Erxomai - 15-11-2012, 07:15 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - Buddy Christ - 15-11-2012, 08:19 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - dj-hato - 16-11-2012, 03:03 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - HereticHick - 18-11-2012, 02:08 PM
RE: Ali vs Tyson - GirlyMan - 21-11-2012, 05:30 PM
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