All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
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29-05-2016, 09:39 AM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
I'm horrible at telling jokes. Just horrible! I can make puns only when they might pop into my head during casual conversation. If I try to think of a pun all I come up with is a big blank. But.... I can BE funny and act silly and totally nonsensical. I just can't tell a funny joke to save my life.... so I'll take a pass on this thread.............Oh Laughat

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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29-05-2016, 01:05 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
[Image: zslg5Jz.jpg]
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29-05-2016, 02:02 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
(29-05-2016 01:05 PM)pablo Wrote:  [Image: zslg5Jz.jpg]

Laugh out loadLaugh out loadLaugh out load

I had to read it three times before it sunk in. Tongue I knew it was there but it wasn't registering. Hug

[Image: dnw9krH.jpg?4]
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29-05-2016, 02:26 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
Knock-knock!

Who's there?

Zu'ul-Knut.

Hey, Zu'ul-Knut!

Don't let those gnomes and their illusions get you down. They're just gnomes and illusions.

--Jake the Dog, Adventure Time

Alouette, je te plumerai.
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29-05-2016, 04:16 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
[Image: organic_fuel.png]

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Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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29-05-2016, 06:14 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
This is the tale of the Trydiamites, the Missing 13th Tribe of Israel.

Exactly how it happened is lost to history but while wandering the desert they somehow managed to get turned around, separated from the other Israelites and completely lost. Nearly dead from dehydration with a lone surviving Rabbi they stumbled upon a vast oasis hidden from the rest of the world.

A spring atop a nearby mountain fed the river that supplied the oasis with a continuous supply of fresh water. The mountain's summit was guarded by a giant. And in the oasis the Trydiamites lived for many years and prospered.

Until one day the water stopped.

With the crops already starting to wilt, the Rabbi called a town meeting and decided to send a third of the people to climb the mountain and find out what the problem was. So their bravest warriors set out. They trekked along the banks of the river and climbed the jagged slopes of the mountain. On reaching the top they spied the problem immediately. An enormous dam had been built across the river and the giant was heaping more earth on it as they watched.

"Giant! Giant!" wailed their leader, "Why have you done this? We will surely die without the water from the spring." The giant replied with a single swift kick from his enormous foot, flinging every last Trydiamite on the mountain out into open space and a gristly death on the broken rocks thousands of feet below.

Back at the former oasis a week passed with no word from the warriors sent to find the problem. The crops had withered in the blazing sun and the livestock were looking unwell. Another meeting is called and the Rabbi decides that another third of the people should go forth to find the cause of the problem. And the first third of the people.

This time it is mostly women who venture forth. Once again they trek along the banks of the river and climbed the jagged slopes of the mountain. And once again they behold the dam that holds back the water and the giant resting to one side sipping an enormous beer..

"Giant! Giant!" wailed their leader, "Why have you done this? We will surely die without the water from the spring." And once again the giant flung every one of them to a horrible doom.

Back at the former oasis another week had passed with no relief. The withered crops had blown away and the livestock were pathetic skeletons attended by vultures on the salt pan that was once the oasis. The villagers were starting to look pretty haggard themselves. The Rabbi calls a final town meeting and decides that they must set forth to find the problem and the rest of their people while they still have the strength.

And so it is that the Rabbi and a ragged band of children and elders set forth. They follow the river bank and climb the jagged slopes of the mountain, albeit a good deal more slowly than their predecessors. They reach the summit of the mountain and see the dam. They beg of the giant who one last time kicks them all over the edge of the precipice.

All except for the Rabbi.

The Rabbi stands there at the steep edge of the mountain's summit looking at the broken remains of his people far below. Weeping, the Rabbi turns to the giant and asks, "Why? Why did you kill all my people but not fling me off the mountain too?"

In a surprisingly quiet voice the giant replies, "Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Tryds!"

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Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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30-05-2016, 01:01 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
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30-05-2016, 02:48 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
[Image: piberationalnavy_fullpic.jpg]

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Flesh and blood of a dead star, slain in the apocalypse of supernova, resurrected by four billion years of continuous autocatalytic reaction and crowned with the emergent property of sentience in the dream that the universe might one day understand itself.
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30-05-2016, 03:01 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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30-05-2016, 03:06 PM
RE: All Things Punny and Wordy Play!
What do you get when you cross-breed a fish with a mosquito?

NOTHING! You can't multiply a scalar with a vector!

(Edit to add: I love that joke because it's a math joke, a biology joke, AND a pun!)

"Theology made no provision for evolution. The biblical authors had missed the most important revelation of all! Could it be that they were not really privy to the thoughts of God?" - E. O. Wilson
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