Am I bad person for not liking kids?
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30-03-2015, 09:52 AM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(29-03-2015 08:05 PM)BeardFist McFistBeard Wrote:  
(29-03-2015 07:50 PM)One Above All Wrote:  I think it's condescending/arrogant for (mainly) three reasons:
1 - You're assuming (or at least acting like) the OP doesn't know that
2 - You're assuming the OP could/will change his mind because you yourself (or someone you know) also did, rather than simply because opinions change over time
3 - Not only are you assuming 2, but you're assuming the OP will change his mind to be in line with yours

Tell me I'm wrong (serious request, by the way; I'd like to meet someone older than myself who's not a condescending prick to younger people).

Firstly, no condescension was meant. Most of the responses are probably things he's thought already. As for 2, don't we all only have our own experience to go by? I've seen many people change their mind about many things when they've gotten older. This could be one of those things or it might not be. 3, I have no skin in the game. I even followed up by saying I myself don't really care for kids that much, just my nephew. And babies are cute lol.

I think anybody who has stated that don't want to have kids has heard a condescending reply though. Because it's rarely "oh ok, cool. It's okay if you change your mind in the future though, you know," but rather in this knowing town like "oh you'll change your mind in a few years." As if they have some kind of certainty about what my future choices will be. It's frustrating and it feels like I'm not being treated like an adult. I'm 24. My mom had two kids at my age. I seriously can not even imagine that for myself. Call me selfish? Ok. I'm selfish. I want to spend time doing the things I want to do. I want to spend my money on things for myself. I'm good with that. I also know that it's okay to change my mind, and if I do, I can look forward to all the "I knew you would"s from the condescending parents in my life. Yay.

PS. I'm a teacher so I spend a lot of time with kids. We have fun together and then I send them away to their mommies and daddies. I think it fills any kid-quota I might subconsciously have.

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30-03-2015, 10:26 AM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 09:52 AM)Colourcraze Wrote:  
(29-03-2015 08:05 PM)BeardFist McFistBeard Wrote:  Firstly, no condescension was meant. Most of the responses are probably things he's thought already. As for 2, don't we all only have our own experience to go by? I've seen many people change their mind about many things when they've gotten older. This could be one of those things or it might not be. 3, I have no skin in the game. I even followed up by saying I myself don't really care for kids that much, just my nephew. And babies are cute lol.

I think anybody who has stated that don't want to have kids has heard a condescending reply though. Because it's rarely "oh ok, cool. It's okay if you change your mind in the future though, you know," but rather in this knowing town like "oh you'll change your mind in a few years." As if they have some kind of certainty about what my future choices will be. It's frustrating and it feels like I'm not being treated like an adult. I'm 24. My mom had two kids at my age. I seriously can not even imagine that for myself. Call me selfish? Ok. I'm selfish. I want to spend time doing the things I want to do. I want to spend my money on things for myself. I'm good with that. I also know that it's okay to change my mind, and if I do, I can look forward to all the "I knew you would"s from the condescending parents in my life. Yay.

PS. I'm a teacher so I spend a lot of time with kids. We have fun together and then I send them away to their mommies and daddies. I think it fills any kid-quota I might subconsciously have.

I came to grips with the whole "selfish" thing years ago. Yes, it's selfish. I want to live life the way that I want to live life. If anyone thinks they have a say in that, they can go pound salt.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

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30-03-2015, 12:03 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
I think the more selfish decision is the attempt to push you into doing something that will harm you and benefit someone else (namely the person pushing you). Besides, being selfish is not the same as being immoral.

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30-03-2015, 01:10 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
After going to my brother's birthday party this weekend and seeing all his friends sitting in the corner of the room with their babies and changing diapers. I knew right then and there that I definitely don't want kids, its just not for me. Besides, girls don't like me and never have and so I doubt I'll ever be in this situation and I'm okay with that. But I've really wanted to get that off my chest and I appreciate all of your comments, it really helped me out. So thank you.

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30-03-2015, 01:39 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(29-03-2015 07:50 PM)One Above All Wrote:  
(29-03-2015 07:45 PM)BeardFist McFistBeard Wrote:  I don't think it's talking down to acknowledge that things can change over time. Some things do, some don't.

I think it's condescending/arrogant for (mainly) three reasons:
1 - You're assuming (or at least acting like) the OP doesn't know that
2 - You're assuming the OP could/will change his mind because you yourself (or someone you know) also did, rather than simply because opinions change over time
3 - Not only are you assuming 2, but you're assuming the OP will change his mind to be in line with yours

Tell me I'm wrong (serious request, by the way; I'd like to meet someone older than myself who's not a condescending prick to younger people).

Looks to me like its you doing all the assuming.

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30-03-2015, 01:44 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 01:39 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Looks to me like its you doing all the assuming.

Based on past experiences.

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30-03-2015, 02:06 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 01:44 PM)One Above All Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 01:39 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  Looks to me like its you doing all the assuming.

Based on past experiences.

And do you feel your individual experiences accumulate to a fair sample of the population?

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30-03-2015, 02:11 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 02:06 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 01:44 PM)One Above All Wrote:  Based on past experiences.

And do you feel your individual experiences accumulate to a fair sample of the population?

My experiences, plus the fact that everyone I've ever met (people both younger and older than myself) complained about the same issue (when it was brought up and they decided to give their input), were enough for me to make that leap. Thus far, I've not been proven wrong, though I hope to be.

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30-03-2015, 03:45 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 09:29 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I like children when they're someone else's and we'll behaved, but that's about it. The few exceptions could be classified as "small adults"

I'm mid 30's and childless by choice. (modern medicine, ftw)

I didn't like children when I was a child, I didn't like children as a teenager, I didn't like children as a young adult. Throughout that entire time, people constantly told me "you'll change your mind when you get older". Please, people, stop with that shit, it's insulting. It assumes the person saying they don't want children doesn't know themselves and their own desires.

You may not intended it as insulting, but it is. It's like saying "when you're a big boy, you'll understand." It's not necessarily intended as an insult, but as a polite way to say someone is ignorant of the way the world is.

Would any of you stand for a theist telling you "you'll find God when you're older and wiser"? No, because it's condescending to your sense of self and insinuates you don't know your own mind.

Don't feel bad that you don't want children, and certainly don't feel obligated to conform to anyone else's ideas of what a complete life is.

I disagree. Mid 30's is much different from early 20's. There are things you're ignorant of in your early 20's in regards to life, that you certainly aren't ignorant of 10 years down the road. You use ignorance as a dirty word, but I don't really think it is. And you've expanded on what I said with two examples that really don't have anything to do with his original question. I never inferred the possible change had anything to do with a perceived gain in wisdom. That was an assumption on our part. Time often brings wisdom, but the passage of time brings other things as well. Your view of the world changes. Your view of your place IN the world, changes. What you may not desire in your early 20's might become desirable in your mid 30's. Some things change. Some don't. If he never has kids, that's ok. No one is saying it isn't.
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30-03-2015, 03:47 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 02:11 PM)One Above All Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 02:06 PM)Stark Raving Wrote:  And do you feel your individual experiences accumulate to a fair sample of the population?

My experiences, plus the fact that everyone I've ever met (people both younger and older than myself) complained about the same issue (when it was brought up and they decided to give their input), were enough for me to make that leap. Thus far, I've not been proven wrong, though I hope to be.

Your own experiences are anecdotal at best. I simply meant to convey the thought that over time, people change. I think we can all agree this is the case. What things change, that's different for each person. Perhaps this particular thing will change for the OP, perhaps it won't. Either way, he shouldn't feel bad about it. It's his prerogative.
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