Am I bad person for not liking kids?
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30-03-2015, 05:30 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
I knew you would understand.

“Tiger got to hunt, bird got to fly;
Man got to sit and wonder 'why, why, why?'
Tiger got to sleep, bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself he understand.”

― Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle
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30-03-2015, 05:59 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 01:10 PM)nerwin Wrote:  After going to my brother's birthday party this weekend and seeing all his friends sitting in the corner of the room with their babies and changing diapers. I knew right then and there that I definitely don't want kids, its just not for me. Besides, girls don't like me and never have and so I doubt I'll ever be in this situation and I'm okay with that. But I've really wanted to get that off my chest and I appreciate all of your comments, it really helped me out. So thank you.


Gotta hint for you -- if you like women - you'll find women who like you....

I was a real twit at 17, but I stayed with it - and ended up laying my fair share of carpet........

Just be yourself -- somebody's looking for just exactly that........

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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30-03-2015, 07:10 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 03:59 PM)One Above All Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 03:47 PM)BeardFist McFistBeard Wrote:  Your own experiences are anecdotal at best.

What percentage of people is sufficiently great for you to go from "anecdotal" to "statistical"?
Have you never had people older than yourself talk down to you? You'd be a first.

Talk down to me? Not really. Maybe I haven't put myself in positions to be talked down to though. Or maybe it's the type of old people I hang around with. I'm also great at tuning people out, so maybe they're talking down to me and I didn't notice. As for going from anecdotal to statistical, I'm not sure one person's experience can ever be anything but anecdotal. That doesn't mean it's necessarily wrong though, just maybe not true on a large scale though.
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30-03-2015, 07:19 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 03:45 PM)BeardFist McFistBeard Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 09:29 AM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I like children when they're someone else's and we'll behaved, but that's about it. The few exceptions could be classified as "small adults"

I'm mid 30's and childless by choice. (modern medicine, ftw)

I didn't like children when I was a child, I didn't like children as a teenager, I didn't like children as a young adult. Throughout that entire time, people constantly told me "you'll change your mind when you get older". Please, people, stop with that shit, it's insulting. It assumes the person saying they don't want children doesn't know themselves and their own desires.

You may not intended it as insulting, but it is. It's like saying "when you're a big boy, you'll understand." It's not necessarily intended as an insult, but as a polite way to say someone is ignorant of the way the world is.

Would any of you stand for a theist telling you "you'll find God when you're older and wiser"? No, because it's condescending to your sense of self and insinuates you don't know your own mind.

Don't feel bad that you don't want children, and certainly don't feel obligated to conform to anyone else's ideas of what a complete life is.

I disagree. Mid 30's is much different from early 20's. There are things you're ignorant of in your early 20's in regards to life, that you certainly aren't ignorant of 10 years down the road. You use ignorance as a dirty word, but I don't really think it is. And you've expanded on what I said with two examples that really don't have anything to do with his original question. I never inferred the possible change had anything to do with a perceived gain in wisdom. That was an assumption on our part. Time often brings wisdom, but the passage of time brings other things as well. Your view of the world changes. Your view of your place IN the world, changes. What you may not desire in your early 20's might become desirable in your mid 30's. Some things change. Some don't. If he never has kids, that's ok. No one is saying it isn't.

I understand that attitudes and views CAN change. I have a friend who used to be anti-kid, but now has 5 and loves being a father. However, that doesn't change the fact that someone telling another person how their mind works is condescending and insulting. I've heard it all and had every damn tactic used on me. I've had relatives try to force me into babysitting or into holding infants, insisting that "You just need to be exposed to them to catch the baby bug"

So sorry if I came off a bit harsh, but it's a bit of a sore spot for me. I come from a LARGE family where having 4 or more children is simply expected. I do tend to react explosively when people pull the "you'll change your mind" thing.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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30-03-2015, 08:27 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 07:19 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 03:45 PM)BeardFist McFistBeard Wrote:  I disagree. Mid 30's is much different from early 20's. There are things you're ignorant of in your early 20's in regards to life, that you certainly aren't ignorant of 10 years down the road. You use ignorance as a dirty word, but I don't really think it is. And you've expanded on what I said with two examples that really don't have anything to do with his original question. I never inferred the possible change had anything to do with a perceived gain in wisdom. That was an assumption on our part. Time often brings wisdom, but the passage of time brings other things as well. Your view of the world changes. Your view of your place IN the world, changes. What you may not desire in your early 20's might become desirable in your mid 30's. Some things change. Some don't. If he never has kids, that's ok. No one is saying it isn't.

I understand that attitudes and views CAN change. I have a friend who used to be anti-kid, but now has 5 and loves being a father. However, that doesn't change the fact that someone telling another person how their mind works is condescending and insulting. I've heard it all and had every damn tactic used on me. I've had relatives try to force me into babysitting or into holding infants, insisting that "You just need to be exposed to them to catch the baby bug"

So sorry if I came off a bit harsh, but it's a bit of a sore spot for me. I come from a LARGE family where having 4 or more children is simply expected. I do tend to react explosively when people pull the "you'll change your mind" thing.

It's all good. When I say something like that, it's not my intention to say that I know better than that person about how their mind works. I never felt pressure to have kids from my family, so I can't fully identify with that pressure. Also, being a male, I'm not sure the pressure is the same.
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30-03-2015, 08:40 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 08:27 PM)BeardFist McFistBeard Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 07:19 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  I understand that attitudes and views CAN change. I have a friend who used to be anti-kid, but now has 5 and loves being a father. However, that doesn't change the fact that someone telling another person how their mind works is condescending and insulting. I've heard it all and had every damn tactic used on me. I've had relatives try to force me into babysitting or into holding infants, insisting that "You just need to be exposed to them to catch the baby bug"

So sorry if I came off a bit harsh, but it's a bit of a sore spot for me. I come from a LARGE family where having 4 or more children is simply expected. I do tend to react explosively when people pull the "you'll change your mind" thing.

It's all good. When I say something like that, it's not my intention to say that I know better than that person about how their mind works. I never felt pressure to have kids from my family, so I can't fully identify with that pressure. Also, being a male, I'm not sure the pressure is the same.

I'm an only son and until my nephew was born, I was the last male of our name So the pressure was pretty intense for me to have a child, a son specifically, to continue on our family name. Dodgy

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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30-03-2015, 08:59 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
Didn't read through the entire thread, so not sure if this was mentioned...but, since our culture is largely religious, and procreation is on the list if you're religious...stands to reason that is where frowning at childless people comes into play. I don't want kids either. Try being a 33 year old woman, saying that to friends and family...and seeing their reactions. Blink If I hear one more time, 'your eggs are only going to be good for so long.' When I hear this sentence, it tells me two things: the person is quite rude and they know nothing of biology.

Do what makes you truly happy. Fuck everyone else. (not literally, you know what I mean)

Big Grin

Be true to yourself. Heart
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31-03-2015, 09:07 AM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(30-03-2015 08:59 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Didn't read through the entire thread, so not sure if this was mentioned...but, since our culture is largely religious, and procreation is on the list if you're religious...stands to reason that is where frowning at childless people comes into play. I don't want kids either. Try being a 33 year old woman, saying that to friends and family...and seeing their reactions. Blink If I hear one more time, 'your eggs are only going to be good for so long.' When I hear this sentence, it tells me two things: the person is quite rude and they know nothing of biology.

Do what makes you truly happy. Fuck everyone else. (not literally, you know what I mean)

Big Grin

no worries, Deirdre and nerwin, my SIL's are having quiverfull's of children to make up for your not wanting any. Drinking Beverage


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31-03-2015, 12:20 PM
Re: RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(28-03-2015 09:20 AM)cinnamint Wrote:  
(28-03-2015 08:52 AM)mecanna Wrote:  My understanding of child development and psychology does not affect my general dislike of children.
Does my dislike mean I expect children to act like tiny adults? Or that I am cruel and hateful to children? No. Does it mean that feel no love or compassion for children? Again, no. I simply dislike children.

i don't mean this as a criticism but to better understand your pov.
i apologize for assuming things, most of the people i've met who avoid children dislike the behavior they perceive as immature, or disruptive to adult imposed cultural standards.

and i'm referencing the definition of dislike just to make sure i understand your use of the term.

verb (used with object), disliked, disliking.
1.
to regard with displeasure, antipathy, or aversion:

what do you define as children? (age group)
have you spent a lot of time with many different children in order to to come to your current stance?
do you dislike any other group of people based solely on a single characteristic that is beyond their ability to control?

fyi i don't think your a terrible person, and i am very supportive to anyone who says "i don't want kids" or "i dislike when people try to talk me into having kids"

Let me clarify. I view with displeasure a person who is between birth and full growth.
I have spent quite a bit of time with children at all stages of development .
Yes, I can occasionally enjoy dealing with children. Some children I find more tolerable than others.

I do not understand how you jump from dislike of children to racism, sexism, etc..

Perhaps I am just not a nurturing, patient person. Maybe I'm a grumpy ass. Big Grin
It doesn't prevent me from caring for children or looking out for their welfare. It's simple dislike.

I agree that no one should be pressured to do something they are uncomfortable with.
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31-03-2015, 12:22 PM
RE: Am I bad person for not liking kids?
(31-03-2015 09:07 AM)Bows and Arrows Wrote:  
(30-03-2015 08:59 PM)Deidre32 Wrote:  Didn't read through the entire thread, so not sure if this was mentioned...but, since our culture is largely religious, and procreation is on the list if you're religious...stands to reason that is where frowning at childless people comes into play. I don't want kids either. Try being a 33 year old woman, saying that to friends and family...and seeing their reactions. Blink If I hear one more time, 'your eggs are only going to be good for so long.' When I hear this sentence, it tells me two things: the person is quite rude and they know nothing of biology.

Do what makes you truly happy. Fuck everyone else. (not literally, you know what I mean)

Big Grin

no worries, Deirdre and nerwin, my SIL's are having quiverfull's of children to make up for your not wanting any. Drinking Beverage

Gasp Laugh out load

Be true to yourself. Heart
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