An atheist Struggling with self
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08-05-2017, 12:44 AM
RE: An atheist Struggling with self
(07-05-2017 02:37 PM)sea_tiger Wrote:  Hello
I am from a catholic family. Having become an atheist a year ago ,my current beliefs put me in conflict with beliefs in traditional society where everyone is invested in religion.Atheism is an unthinkable , unreal concept to them.I wish I weren't so inquisitive.I can't express my beliefs to anyone ,I don't want to be struck with a social disaster.But now I don't think I can keep it bottled up.So this is my first time on forum.
The transition from christian to atheist was painful and traumatic , coupled with personal issues - a mental hell. Right now my thoughts are all jumbled up,I wish to come out of this struggle and find stability.

I am going to be frank, it's going to be harder before it gets easier. I am a recovering Catholic too, and at night, it still hurts.

11 Months ago, I was starting this journey too. I had sometime between work and college to sit around. During this time, I watched the Atheist Experience 4-6 hours a day on average. Things got worse as school began. During my second week of classes, I had to excuse myself, sit outside, and cry for thirty minutes to an hour many times. I was scared, and had no one to talk to. I was emotionally, and physically, more alone than I ever could have been. My world was shifting focus, it was hard to walk straight -like I had vertigo, and I think I actually did have it. I couldn't talk to my parents about religion they are still Catholic and Russian Orthodox. My friends were/are on the spectrum of Christianity, so they were out of the question as well. During this last semester, I would not eat. And then I would over eat. I would exercise obsessively, and then lay in bed for days (three was the record). I still take about three showers a day so I can simulate what it is like to be "warm", which was the closest thing I could feel to the "spiritual love" I left.

And do you know what happened three weeks ago? I had sex with the first person I loved. He is beautiful to me.. and as we laid in each other's embrace, I realized that I had never seen a human before. I had never paid attention to a specific person in my life. God had always taken first seat and was between me and the world. I wasn't allowed to feel anyone but "His Love", "His Embrace". God's love always carried the threat of annihilation. My human lover; he instead taught me how to kiss... And I laughed and giggled for the first time in a long time: Sinless giggling; Fearless laughter. When I clumsily proceeded, I for one brief moment.. I was not terrified. I was not scared. I had always been scared before.

Please do what I didn't do, talk to atheists now then later. Talk here, share your thoughts now and get your questions out of you before you obsess over them in every waking moment. You will have questions, shoot them on the appropriate channel. You will have more questions and this will not take a day, or a week, to "finish". It took me one whole year to come here and I have only yet begun. I would say you are better off then me already.

Since I have talked to people. I have found more about myself than 21 years of living. I found out that I am suffering from mental illness and that I had isolated myself in fears that I would do "wrong". I am, when I get another job, seeking professional help for these secular problems. Problems I swept under a Catholic rug, worms in a can I would have left stew if I would have not have stop believing.


Hope this helped.
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08-05-2017, 03:27 AM
RE: An atheist Struggling with self
Welcome to the forum Smile

I'm sorry to hear of your struggle and difficult situation. I hope sharing with us will help you through Heart

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
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08-05-2017, 07:43 AM
RE: An atheist Struggling with self
We’re all ears, sit down and have a coffee with us. Let’s chat.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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08-05-2017, 06:19 PM
RE: An atheist Struggling with self
(07-05-2017 02:37 PM)sea_tiger Wrote:  Hello
I am from a catholic family. Having become an atheist a year ago ,my current beliefs put me in conflict with beliefs in traditional society where everyone is invested in religion.Atheism is an unthinkable , unreal concept to them.I wish I weren't so inquisitive.I can't express my beliefs to anyone ,I don't want to be struck with a social disaster.But now I don't think I can keep it bottled up.So this is my first time on forum.
The transition from christian to atheist was painful and traumatic , coupled with personal issues - a mental hell. Right now my thoughts are all jumbled up,I wish to come out of this struggle and find stability.
Well, don't feel all alone, Tiger -- a lot of us have had similar experiences. I was raised Catholic, realized my atheism in my early teens, but didn't dare admit it by name -- even to myself -- for a half-dozen years. It was another half-dozen before I felt comfortable enough about it to "come out", so to speak, in public. And another half dozen still, before I let my parents know.

You might be surprised, though, at people's reactions when you do let them know. As a kid dad had always seemed the religious bastion in the family, with mom a good deal more casual. When I came out to my parents, it was mom who was beside herself, and dad who supported me, and eventually talked mom around (sort of). No way I would ever have predicted that scenario. But we got over it, and on with life.

No need to rush anything; it will fall into place over time.
And there are plenty of understanding people here to commiserate with you.

Welcome to the forum. Smile

--
Dr H

"So, I became an anarchist, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt."
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10-05-2017, 09:33 PM
RE: An atheist Struggling with self
(08-05-2017 06:19 PM)Dr H Wrote:  No need to rush anything; it will fall into place over time.

I may be rushing things.There's so much panic,anxiety,fear and stress that I feel like I am a boiling pot of thoughts and emotions. Maybe I should take it slow.
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10-05-2017, 11:44 PM
RE: An atheist Struggling with self
(10-05-2017 09:33 PM)sea_tiger Wrote:  I may be rushing things.There's so much panic,anxiety,fear and stress that I feel like I am a boiling pot of thoughts and emotions. Maybe I should take it slow.

Best idea I've heard all day. Thumbsup

Glad to have you here Sea Tiger. This is a good place to just hang out, shoot the breeze, and not feel obligated to make with the woo. This is a global forum so, you'll find a variety of perspective in the discussions.

Lots of people here, have been where you are and can empathize. Just having a place to get your head together will help you to feel more comfortable in your skin.

Welcome to the forum. Smile

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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