An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
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08-11-2011, 10:43 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
[Image: Philemon.jpg]



Ah, Philemon. One chapter long and completely worthless.



1 Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ, and Timothy our brother, unto Philemon our dearly beloved, and fellow labourer,

-Paul now considers himself a "prisoner of Jesus Christ?" Doesn't sound too loving.



4 I thank my God, making mention of thee always in my prayers,

-You mention your God... in your prayer to your God? Dear God, good job today God. I really liked those cookies you brought to the bake sale. They were heavenly.



7 For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.

-Bowels... refreshed. So he regularly feeds them a load of shit?



Paul spends the rest of the chapter on the sole purpose of the letter; Paul returning his slave back to Philemon, his "rightful owner."



20 Yea, brother, let me have joy of thee in the Lord: refresh my bowels in the Lord.

-Amen.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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08-11-2011, 10:48 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
Ahhh it's like the first hot chocolate of winter. You missed it and when you finally got it, you imediately remember why you like it so much! I wasnt sure if we were going to get more critiques of the beloved bible from you BC but I'm glad it seems we are!

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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09-11-2011, 12:36 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible

Here's some more hot chocolate coming at you.



[Image: Hebrews-Graphic.jpg]



A letter to the entire Jewish population? This one is of "unknown authorship." It's also one of those annoyingly verbose types of books. Pages of words without making a single point.

For example:

2:7 Thou madest him a little lower than the angels; thou crownedst him with glory and honour, and didst set him over the works of thy hands:

2:8 Thou hast put all things in subjection under his feet. For in that he put all in subjection under him, he left nothing that is not put under him. But now we see not yet all things put under him.


-Did anyone get any of that? That's how the whole book is written. He openeth the box of Captain Crunch, being that He hath opened it with His appointed glory, under which there remains no other to openeth thine box of Captain Crunch, with or without thine crunch berries. Amen.



2:10 For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make the captain of their salvation perfect through sufferings.

-Seriously... what?



[Image: jesus_dinosaur.jpg]



3:3 For this man was counted worthy of more glory than Moses, inasmuch as he who hath builded the house hath more honour than the house.

-Our prophet is better than your prophet. Moses just gathered some corn, Jesus was the one who made that fantastic cornbread.



3:16 For some, when they had heard, did provoke: howbeit not all that came out of Egypt by Moses.

3:17 But with whom was he grieved forty years? was it not with them that had sinned, whose carcases fell in the wilderness?

3:18 And to whom sware he that they should not enter into his rest, but to them that believed not?

3:19 So we see that they could not enter in because of unbelief.


-So now all those faithful followers of Moses who followed him into the desert for 40 years and died... were clearly sinners who God had rejected. First you mock Moses, now you say his followers are burning in hell. Take that, Jews.



4:2 For unto us was the gospel preached, as well as unto them: but the word preached did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it.

-Both groups have heard the gospel, but it went to waste on the Jews' deaf ears and lack of faith. That's it, keep poking at the wound.



6:4 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,

6:5 And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come,

6:6 If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.


-Christians who fall from grace can't be saved, because they have shamed Jesus. So much for repenting.



8:6 But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises.

8:7 For if that first covenant had been faultless, then should no place have been sought for the second.

8:8 For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah:


-Jesus improved God's outdated and flawed software. The Lord scoffed at God's covenant and made a new one. So to accept Jesus, you have to reject God.



11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

-Faith... is the evidence of things not seen, but hoped for. So if something isn't actually there and you want it to be, have faith. Faith is evidence that isn't there.

-Then the rest of the chapter lists all the events of the Bible, prefacing each event with "By faith." So because there was no evidence of these events, and we want them to be true, we cling to faith that they are true. Anyone else see the glaring problem with this? I hope there's an island on Earth that's made of chocolate and inhabited by luck dragons. I have faith in this, therefore it must exist.



[Image: neverending-story-jesus.jpg]



12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.

12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?


-The author closes out Hebrews by claiming that Jesus only beats the ones he loves.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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09-11-2011, 11:31 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(09-11-2011 12:36 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Fucking Paul - and how is this "unknown" when this is obviously fucking Paul?

I mean, the Critique is your tale; I'll let you tell it. My tale is killing creationists -and some mofo don't think that kinda thinking is civilized. So this is just a minor diversion for some positive atheism. Let me parse this information for ya, so everybody knows what I'm pissed off about-

Substance - hoped for. Evidence - not seen

Remember that song? Sesame street, one of these things things - doesn't belong here?

There's something in there that don't exist! Why, it's a clue! Future. Don't exist. Nobody seems to know that like a prophet -well science seems to know -just most seem to forget the science, it seems. Where's the future? Hoped for. What is evidence? Criminology. Ergo, what is Paul saying with alla verbosity of Hebrews?

What faith is, and how it works. In that one sentence.

And yeah. it works. This is fucking atheism, at least I thought. My point - these fucks had useful, relevant technology two thousand years ago - and they kept it to themselves playing word games.

Diversion over. Back to you, Buddy Christ.

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09-11-2011, 09:54 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(09-11-2011 12:36 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  8:6 But now hath he obtained a more excellent ministry, by how much also he is the mediator of a better covenant, which was established upon better promises.

8:7 For if that first covenant had been faultless, then should no place have been sought for the second.

8:8 For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah:


-Jesus improved God's outdated and flawed software. The Lord scoffed at God's covenant and made a new one. So to accept Jesus, you have to reject God.

These few verses are my favorite to use against a Christian when discussing God's perfection in his word, will and design.

Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. -- Voltaire
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11-11-2011, 03:33 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
The bible is such a paradox. What the bible(or the interpretation of the bible today) has done is create an excuse for reasonable people to resist religion. No bible = more believers. I can believe Jesus's heart stopped and beat again, thats something we see today, but not the bible.
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14-11-2011, 12:47 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
There's nothing wrong, per se, with the Bible. It's literature, and as Buddy Christ demonstrates with proficiency, knowing the Bible actually downgrades religion. I "know" a mere three books - the "unholy" trinity of Ecclesiastes, Job, and Romans - and the sheep don't come 'round here unless they wanna get sheared. Wink

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15-11-2011, 05:35 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
BC, you totally rock!

I have so much enjoyed your postings on this forum. Total genius Wink
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16-11-2011, 06:46 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
[Image: james-A-Faith-to-Live-by.jpg]



What's this? A letter that ISN'T written by Paul? Oh glorious day! Let's see what this James character has to say.



1:1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting.

1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

1:3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.


-So far... I don't really know what James has to say.



1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.

1:13 Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man:

1:14 But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.


-Soooo, God doesn't tempt anyone? We tempt ourselves... with the lust that we have no control over... because it was instilled in us by God. So even though you were born with too much testosterone and an overbearing sexual desire, it's your own fault, cause God doesn't tempt anyone. Even though... he tempted Jesus in the desert for 40 nights... but I guess you would argue that Jesus wasn't a man.



2:6 But ye have despised the poor. Do not rich men oppress you, and draw you before the judgment seats?

2:7 Do not they blaspheme that worthy name by the which ye are called?

2:8 If ye fulfil the royal law according to the scripture, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, ye do well:


-After telling people to treat the poor as good as the rich, James sums it up with a classic line. Nice stuff, James.



4:10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

4:11 Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.


-The Epistle of James is mostly gibberish interspersed with nice thoughts.



4:14 Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.

-I've said the same thing many times.



5:1 Go to now, ye rich men, weep and howl for your miseries that shall come upon you.

5:2 Your riches are corrupted, and your garments are motheaten.

5:3 Your gold and silver is cankered; and the rust of them shall be a witness against you, and shall eat your flesh as it were fire. Ye have heaped treasure together for the last days.

5:4 Behold, the hire of the labourers who have reaped down your fields, which is of you kept back by fraud, crieth: and the cries of them which have reaped are entered into the ears of the Lord of sabaoth.

5:5 Ye have lived in pleasure on the earth, and been wanton; ye have nourished your hearts, as in a day of slaughter.


-Suddenly in the last chapter, James just goes off on rich people. So much for being nice to all your neighbors. You have more money than me, burn in hell bitch!



5:14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:

5:15 And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.


-James drifting off into retardation now, praising faith healing. What's next, snake oil for baldness?

One book closer to Revelations.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
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16-11-2011, 07:19 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(16-11-2011 06:46 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  One book closer to Revelations.

You can only do Revelations on acid. Let me know when you get there.

Who can turn skies back and begin again?
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