An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
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29-11-2011, 04:08 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
I've only just started reading the post on Numbers but well done OP. I'm so amused that I've posted this on other forums.



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“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

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01-12-2011, 11:36 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
Finally finished. Well done OP. Well done.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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01-12-2011, 12:28 PM
 
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
wow dude!

what a labor of love! i really admire your patience... you did what most people here wish they had the time and patience to do. thanks!
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01-12-2011, 07:50 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
Quote:12:9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

-Finally, a mention of Satan being cast out of heaven. Of course, you have to accept that he has the power to turn into a dragon and has an angel army of his own first.

So, if Revelations is supposed to be a prophecy of things to come (which still haven't passed, as far as I'm aware Tongue), does that mean that Christians have been getting the Lucifer-as-fallen-angel story wrong all these years? I.e., this story is supposed to happen in the future and Satan's still chilling in heaven with the rest of the angels?


Oh, and awesome job Buddy Christ Big Grin I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this critique!

"Remember, my friend, that knowledge is stronger than memory, and we should not trust the weaker." - Dr. Van Helsing, Dracula
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02-12-2011, 01:35 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(01-12-2011 07:50 PM)SecularStudent Wrote:  
Quote:12:9 And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.

-Finally, a mention of Satan being cast out of heaven. Of course, you have to accept that he has the power to turn into a dragon and has an angel army of his own first.

So, if Revelations is supposed to be a prophecy of things to come (which still haven't passed, as far as I'm aware Tongue), does that mean that Christians have been getting the Lucifer-as-fallen-angel story wrong all these years? I.e., this story is supposed to happen in the future and Satan's still chilling in heaven with the rest of the angels?


Oh, and awesome job Buddy Christ Big Grin I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this critique!


You'd think that anyone that has taken the time to actually read this book would be atheist.

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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04-12-2011, 07:37 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
This is pure gold!

A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything. Friedrich Nietzsche
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04-12-2011, 07:35 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
Can't believe I still haven't written the

CONCLUSION




So. Here's what we learned along this voyage.

Christians do not read the Bible.

That's the only explanation I can think of to explain why mentally healthy adults would ascribe to this religion. And this isn't a book ABOUT Christianity, it's THE book. The focal doctrine mandating their moral belief system and daily behavior. Also, the Bible isn't SLIGHTLY off, it's fucking bananas from cover to cover. It's not like you can remove a few bits here and there and its righteous divinity shines through. Quite the opposite; you have to cherry pick just to find usable quotes. And usually that quote is taken from a malevolent context. Christians spouting niceties such as "And God spake unto them, 'To the persistent goes the blessings and glory.'" might not realize that that verse was taken from a speech from God to his army after murdering and looting yet another village.



The New Testament is clearly filler material. You've got:

The Four Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

-Which are at least entertaining stories, but also the most inconsistent testaments to any man ever written. Four different accounts telling four completely different stories. Which could all be forgiven except for the recounting of the resurrection. This is the ONLY source in existence from the time period claiming that the man named Jesus DID resurrect, reinforcing the prophecy that he had been spewing this whole time. But the resurrection stories are ridiculously different, to quote my rant from page 12:

Quote:Mary showed up and the guards died, no wait there were no guards and Mary brought other women, and the earthquake opened the tomb, no wait the door was already open... there was a guy sitting in the tomb, no there were two guys, no it was empty and then two angels and Jesus show up... Jesus talks to his disciples on a mountainside, no as a vision to each disciple individually, no in a house, well it was a house, but Thomas wasn't there so he had to come back eight days later. This is a fucking recollection of eleven people. Eleven people can't seem to remember the who, what, when, and where of the most amazing, life confirming event to ever happen to them.

This is a load of horseshit.



After the gospels we have:

Acts

-Which is basically a compilation of the gospels as told through the eyes of a yes-man. Some guy going, "All that shit that these guys just said was true. Ya'll better recognize!"


Then we have:

A bunch of epistles to random churches in random towns.

-All authored by Paul, a guy that wasn't even acknowledged by God except to make blind for a few days for his heresy. I realize this man was just continuing the spread of his religion, but why should anyone listen to anything he says?

Philemon

-One chapter about Paul giving his slave to a friend.

Hebrews

-A hatespeech toward Jews that would be more appropriate in a South Park episode.

James

-Another epistle with a different author.

St Peter says a few uninteresting things, John writes to a few churches trying futilely to explain why Christ hasn't returned yet, Jude bashes sinners, and then...



Revelation

-Maybe at this point, the author realized that Jesus probably wasn't coming back and so he wrote a magical fantasy story to keep himself entertained and scare people.

An exiled man tells people that a lion/sheep will open a sealed book and angels will battle a dragon named Satan and scorpion locusts with horse bodies will crawl from a bottomless pit and along with chimera riding angels, will destroy mankind and the earth one third of the planet at a time. But wait! Satan the dragon will give his power to a sea creature and Jesus will stab a sickle into the side of the earth and it will bleed and all water will become blood and the dragon and the sea creature will be imprisoned in a lake of fire and everyone is wearing multiple gold crowns and a council of men grovel every other second and angels love trumpets.

-And somebody somewhere went, "Brilliant! This all makes perfect sense! Truly this is the message of a god!"



Now I'm going to look into publishing this beast. I'll have to redo some of the early books (Genesis) before I figured out my style, figure out which pictures are copyrighted (cause pictures break up the monotony of text), figure out what the cover art will be (cause thats basically the number one factor of why people buy which books), find a publisher that actually wants to invest and distribute a filthy atheist's book on their beloved text, and cross my fingers that somebody famous mentions it, causing me to get my books in Barnes and Nobles "New Arrivals" section and a seat on The Colbert Report (a guy can dream).



AMEN.



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04-12-2011, 07:39 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
I swear man, you should collect all of this shit and get a book deal or something. Flesh it out some more and make fun of it more and you've got yourself a best seller. It's funny and interesting all at the same time. The very least you should do is collect it and submit it to the atheist news or something so more people can see it.

Well done and bravo.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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04-12-2011, 11:25 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
This has been a most enjoyable read for me, I started before I even registered on here.

Thank you for doing this, BC. It was a pleasure reading this and laughing my ass off at your wit.

I wish you all the best and good luck getting that book deal!! Keep us informed, I'll buy it immediately!

Again, good work and we thank you for it.
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05-12-2011, 09:47 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
Man I'd love to see you do Genesis. Can't wait to read about Noah. And I'm not sure what book it's in but I didn't see anything about Lot. Was it early in the OT?

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.”

-Mark Twain
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