An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 13 Votes - 4 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
12-05-2011, 07:31 PM
 
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(12-05-2011 06:14 PM)cfhmagnet Wrote:  Sometimes I wonder, are christians reading the same bible we are man? Why aren't they thinking these thoughts and asking these questions?
No! But that's Biblical too. Wink

“Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation.” (2 Peter 1:20 KJV)

Then again, Christians believe they are lambs of god. And Jesus is their shepherd. What they fail to realize is that the primary sacrificial animal in the Bible, besides humans when omniscient omnipotence got pissed off at his creation, are sheep!
Making them (humans) sacrificial offerings unto the glory of god.
Not that the OT doesn't forewarn of that as well. (Exodus 29:18 & Leviticus 1:1-17)

Meanwhile, atheists and others who proclaim no allegiance unto a fabled mythological invisible tyrant in heaven, are deemed damned and deluded. That's because auto-theism (self god) is considered one of the 7 deadly sins. (Pride)

And that's because the flock probably missed reading this:

“I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.” (Psalm 82:6 KJV)
Quote this message in a reply
12-05-2011, 08:36 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(12-05-2011 07:31 PM)GassyKitten Wrote:  
(12-05-2011 06:14 PM)cfhmagnet Wrote:  Sometimes I wonder, are christians reading the same bible we are man? Why aren't they thinking these thoughts and asking these questions?

Then again, Christians believe they are lambs of god. And Jesus is their shepherd. What they fail to realize is that the primary sacrificial animal in the Bible, besides humans when omniscient omnipotence got pissed off at his creation, are sheep!
Making them (humans) sacrificial offerings unto the glory of god.
Not that the OT doesn't forewarn of that as well. (Exodus 29:18 & Leviticus 1:1-17)
Nice, very nice.

Something something something Dark Side
Something something something complete
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
18-05-2011, 06:39 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(12-05-2011 06:13 PM)GassyKitten Wrote:  [quote]1:26 "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness"
The copyists who transcribed the book of Genesis, obviously didn't care to pay attention to that fact or simply were following orders which didn't include dropping everything that related to many god's, when attempting to create a monotheistic Christian text of which the first five books were stolen from a people who did not accept the base hero of the new slave faith's story. Yeshua/(Joshua)/Jesus.

Gassy I'm sure you know who transcribed the bibles. A bunch of monks who didn't even know Latin ordered to make this parchment look like that parchment. Of course if they did try to read it they'd be killed because they weren't worthy to read the bible. Those were the days when Christianity was blatantly obvious. Too bad they seem to be returning.

On a side note sorry I've been gone so long but you know I love these Buddy.

I wonder what the best excuse for Michal is, maybe at the time she was 18 and had a son every year since adulthood. Not that it matters since David was dead long before this fictitious event happened.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
18-05-2011, 06:42 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(18-05-2011 06:39 AM)Lilith Pride Wrote:  On a side note sorry I've been gone so long but you know I love these Buddy.
Welcome back...

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
18-05-2011, 11:46 AM
 
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
I always liked the technique of asking a Christian friend to help you understand a particular bible verse, there thrilled that you have may have seen the light and are very willing to help. You then give them a verse like Psalms 137:9 and wait a day or two until they get back to you. I guess it's never easy taking the position that your just and morale god says that smashing the heads of babies against rocks is a good idea, some try to explain it away but most just have a very worried and confused look on their face. Of course this only works a couple of times with the same person before they don't want to play any more, but it does make some of them think.


Blue skies
Quote this message in a reply
18-05-2011, 12:23 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
Every time I post a verse on facebook, I usually get 2 or 3 response from christians going "where does it say that?" ...so I tell them, and 7 hours later, they feed me an interpretive guess as to what god REALLY meant. "Well when it says take all the virgins for yourselves, you have to understand that this was war and that's just how things were." -Oh really? Because I've been to war twice and have yet to even consider taking virgins as sex slaves for myself. The atheist soldier showing more moral restraint than God's Chosen Army?

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
19-05-2011, 01:04 PM (This post was last modified: 19-05-2011 01:17 PM by Buddy Christ.)
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
HUZZAH! Here we go!

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRFnqMQdOzg7CGobJsd7Ue...mp;amp;t=1]



1:1 Now king David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he gat no heat.

1:2 Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat.

1:3 So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king.

1:4 And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: but the king knew her not.


-Right off the bat, first 4 verses. Old Man David is cold and dying, so they bring in a virgin to sex him up and make him warmer (ever hear of a blanket? Ba-Zing!)



1:7 And he conferred with Joab the son of Zeruiah, and with Abiathar the priest: and they following Adonijah helped him.

1:8 But Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and Nathan the prophet, and Shimei, and Rei, and the mighty men which belonged to David, were not with Adonijah...


-This goes on for a chapter or two, where apparently the author had a whole bunch of celebrity names on a sheet and just felt like name dropping. Or perhaps he was a girl doodling names of future children and felt like trying them out just to see how they looked.



2:32 And the LORD shall return his blood upon his own head, who fell upon two men more righteous and better than he, and slew them with the sword, my father David not knowing thereof, to wit, Abner the son of Ner, captain of the host of Israel, and Amasa the son of Jether, captain of the host of Judah.

2:33 Their blood shall therefore return upon the head of Joab, and upon the head of his seed for ever:


-I'm having trouble mocking Kings so far, mainly because I'm having trouble understanding it. The dialect of this author is ridiculously cluttered and redundant. All I'm hearing is "he who placeth the pot upon the shelf, being forthwith of said pot, being that the pot is round, the son of Jebad, ruler of Herod, placed forth the pot unto him and slew kindness into the peoples."



[Image: elijah-fire.jpg]




Then David dies and Solomon becomes king. So he immediately kills some relatives (don't ask me why) and the Lord visits him in a dream and offers him anything he wants. So Solomon asks for an "understanding heart" so that he might better judge between good and evil. The Lord is pleased at this unselfish request and gives him the heart, the brains, and the courage (oh wait, that's Wizard of Oz). I mean wealth, long life, and honor. Then Solomon offers thousands of burnt offerings and is met by harlots (this plot line really needs some structure).



The harlots then say:

3:21 And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear.

-Seriously, 1 Kings appears to have been written by an illiterate 1st grader.



Then the story we've all heard about: there's a dead child and a living child and both harlots are making claim to the living one. So Solomon says "let's cut the kid in half and give each of you a half (wow)." The actual mother says "no give it to her then, I just want the child to live" and the fake mother says "yes, good idea, let's cut the kid in half (really...?)."

So Solomon is able to tell the real mother from the fake and gives the child the real mother. Then Solomon is praised for his "wisdom" in handling the situation.




Many chapters praising Solomon for being the wisest man in the world and listing all the many material possessions he had and the specifics of the giant house made of gold he built.



8:5 And king Solomon, and all the congregation of Israel, that were assembled unto him, were with him before the ark, sacrificing sheep and oxen, that could not be told nor numbered for multitude.

-Solomon has the biggest sacrificial house warming party the world has ever known.

[Image: capt.c846e6b6c9514441b9a20087a363b64c.ne...del179.jpg]

You're lucky I'm only using this pic. Google "Bible animal sacrifice pics" to see a wonderful selection. People drinking the blood from a goat's severed neck, or washing themselves with blood.

(At this point, my browser messed up and all that was after this point was deleted, so allow me a quick catch up of what was erased)



11:3 And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.

-Solomon is warned that his "strange wives with their odd incense burning and foreign gods" will lead him away from God. So Solomon "the wisest man in the world" denies God and worships foreign Gods. So God get pissed and empowers the enemies of Israel, "stirring up adversaries" to rebel against Solomon. And so Solomon died... of natural causes 40 years later.



Then a prophet comes to town, and says something about someone somewhere, then leaves. But on his way out of town a man invites him to his house for food and drink.

13:15 Then he said unto him, Come home with me, and eat bread.

13:16 And he said, I may not return with thee, nor go in with thee: neither will I eat bread nor drink water with thee in this place:

13:17 For it was said to me by the word of the LORD, Thou shalt eat no bread nor drink water there


-And back and forth going "The Lord said for me not to eat food and drink." And the other guy going "well I'm also a prophet and the Lord told me he changed his mind and that you can have food and drink." Until Prophet Number 1 decides to have food and drink. So God kills him via lion.

13:24 And when he was gone, a lion met him by the way, and slew him

-Moral of the story: DON'T HAVE FOOD AND DRINK!



Jeroboam is worried that God might kill his sick child, so he disguises his wife and sends her to Shiloh seeking a prophet. But the Lord beats her to the prophet and tells her that because Jeroboam has angered Him with all his sinning and lovingly informs her that:

for thou hast gone and made thee other gods, and molten images, to provoke me to anger, and hast cast me behind thy back:

14:10 Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.

14:11 Him that dieth of Jeroboam in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat: for the LORD hath spoken it.

14:12 Arise thou therefore, get thee to thine own house: and when thy feet enter into the city, the child shall die.


-Enjoy! You will all die and dogs and birds will eat your corpses and your sick child will die the moment you step foot back into your city. Because the LORD hath spoken it. Now kneel before me, bitch!



14:17 And Jeroboam's wife arose, and departed, and came to Tirzah: and when she came to the threshold of the door, the child died;

-Because at this point, we all know:

[Image: god%2Bhates%2Bbabies%2B9x12.jpg]



14:24 And there were also sodomites in the land: and they did according to all the abominations of the nations which the LORD cast out before the children of Israel.

-God clearly embraces homosexuals with open arms.



15:3 And he walked in all the sins of his father, which he had done before him: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father.

-This is repeated throughout Kings. That David was the shining example of what God desires and no one else measure up to him. So go back and read about David and know that everything he did was perfectly in accordance with God's wishes.



God commands Baasha to "smite all the house of Jeroboam; he left not to Jeroboam any that breathed, until he had destroyed him, according unto the saying of the LORD" and then God kills Baasha in the same manner for smiting the house of Jeroboam (what?).



16:19 For his sins which he sinned in doing evil in the sight of the LORD, in walking in the way of Jeroboam, and in his sin which he did, to make Israel to sin.

-Did you get that?



What follows is what sounds like the mumblings of a drunken senile man. Along the lines of "and there was a man named Elijah, and the Lord brought a drought to the land, and ravens brought Elijah food every morning...(grumble)... uhhh, look to the east and hide by a brook in Jordan... grgrmgrmrgr...

17:9 Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee. ...(grumble grumble)...

17:12 And she said, As the LORD thy God liveth, I have not a cake, but an handful of meal in a barrel, and a little oil in a cruse: and, behold, I am gathering two sticks, that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, that we may eat it, and die.

18:1 And it came to pass after many days, that the word of the LORD came to Elijah in the third year, saying, Go, shew thyself unto Ahab; and I will send rain upon the earth.

18:2 And Elijah went to shew himself unto Ahab. And there was a sore famine in Samaria.

18:3 And Ahab called Obadiah, which was the governor of his house. (Now Obadiah feared the LORD greatly:


-Is it just me? None of this makes any sense! Go meet this widow, I'm gathering two sticks, let's die! Go shew yourself and it will rain, Elijah shews himself, nothing happens, I fear the Lord greatly!

-I feel like I'm reading the subtitles of a Japanese anime. "He make great fear! No persons know this hands for butter!"



I skimmed the rest of 1 Kings and was bored to tears. Oh, and God killed a few more thousand people. I'm hoping the author of 2 Kings was a different author.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
19-05-2011, 09:38 PM (This post was last modified: 19-05-2011 09:47 PM by Buddy Christ.)
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
BAM BAM, 2 in one day. Honestly I'm just trying to get through this literary nightmare that is the Book of Kings.

[Image: 30085_2_kings_t_sm.jpg]



Alright, here we go. 2nd Kings, gonna be better and more coherent than 1st Kings, right?

1:2 And Ahaziah fell down through a lattice in his upper chamber that was in Samaria, and was sick: and he sent messengers, and said unto them, Go, enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron whether I shall recover of this disease.

1:3 But the angel of the LORD said to Elijah the Tishbite, Arise, go up to meet the messengers of the king of Samaria, and say unto them, Is it not because there is not a God in Israel, that ye go to enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron?


Nope. Same ol' Kings.



Ahaziah gets in trouble with God for seeking out other gods to cure him of his ailments. The prophet Elijah shows up claiming to be the voice of God, so Ahaziah sends out 50 men and a captain to shut him up. Elijah has God consume them in a cloud of fire. So Ahaziah sends out 50 more men and a captain... and Elijah has God consume them as well. So Ahaziah sends out a third group of 50 men and a captain (doesn't seem to "get it")... but the captain of this group falls to his knees and claims fealty to Elijah and his God.

So then God kills Ahaziah for seeking out other Gods. Though it seems to me He could've done this earlier and spared the lives of 102 innocent soldiers doing their duty. But I guess that wouldn't be the bloodthirsty God we've come to know.




2:1 And it came to pass, when the LORD would take up Elijah into heaven by a whirlwind

-Wait, what? You can't just throw that out there, with no prior mention, all nonchalant. Elijah doesn't actually go to heaven, but rather Bethel ...and then Jericho... and then Jordan, because they were met with hostility at every city they went to.



2:8 And Elijah took his mantle, and wrapped it together, and smote the waters, and they were divided hither and thither, so that they two went over on dry ground.

2:11 And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.


-Elijah proves that pretty much anyone can part the seas and walk on dry land, then a chariot of fire (?) flies by them and finally takes Elijah up into heaven via whirlwind (why was all this necessary?).

[Image: elijah_chariot_of_fire.jpg]



Elisha (Elijah's son... who apparently wasn't awesome enough to ride the whirlwind ride to heaven) gets on Jericho's good side by throwing salt into what little water they have (yet another drought) and making the water plentiful in the name of the Lord.

-I gotta ask. Why salt? If the item you're throwing in the water is symbolic anyways, why not just wave your hands and do a dance. Why waste salt?



2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.


-Just one of my all time favorite passages. Children mock Elisha's bald head (as children do) so the Lord sends two bears to slaughter all 42 of the children.

[Image: beareatkids.png]



All the kings of the area (Edom, Israel, and Judah) rose up against the king of Moab, who was the regional dickhead. But the kings had no food or water in the desert (dynamite planning fellas), so they go to the "prophet" Elisha, who is known for regularly following God on Twitter, to ask what the Lord would have them do. And so Elisha tells them:

3:15 But now bring me a minstrel. And it came to pass, when the minstrel played, that the hand of the LORD came upon him.

3:16 And he said, Thus saith the LORD, Make this valley full of ditches.


-God dammit, Kings. Could you make sense every once in a while? A minstrel plays a tune (must have been a beast of a song to get God's attention) and the Lord says "Make this valley full of ditches." He then expands on this vague nonsense.

-he will deliver the Moabites also into your hand.

3:19 And ye shall smite every fenced city, and every choice city, and shall fell every good tree, and stop all wells of water, and mar every good piece of land with stones.


-God orders them to go all Viking on the Moabites and leave nothing intact. Set phasers to Annihilate. And they do, until the king of Moab offers his eldest son as a burnt offering upon the wall. And for some reason this makes them all go home.



Elisha brings a child back to life by:

4:34 And he went up, and lay upon the child, and put his mouth upon his mouth, and his eyes upon his eyes, and his hands upon his hands: and stretched himself upon the child; and the flesh of the child waxed warm.

4:35 Then he returned, and walked in the house to and fro; and went up, and stretched himself upon him: and the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes.


-Is anyone else picturing how ridiculous this would look?

[Image: Elisha+raises+the+Shunammite+boy.jpg]



A leper comes to the door of Elisha and is told to wash himself seven times in the waters of Jordan... so the leper does so and is healed.

-Soooo, why were the miracles of Jesus so special again? Elisha can part the seas (right after Elijah is swept away), make food and water be plentiful, raise the dead, and heal leprosy. If Elisha says anything remotely insightful while standing on a mound, I'm starting a new religion. Elishians.



Gehazi, a servant of Elisha, makes the ex-leper (alms for an ex-leper!) give him money in Elisha's name... so Elisha curses Gehazi and all his future children with leprosy.

-So Elisha can also CAST leprosy. One up on Jesus in the battle of the messiahs.



6:4 So he went with them. And when they came to Jordan, they cut down wood.

6:5 But as one was felling a beam, the axe head fell into the water: and he cried, and said, Alas, master! for it was borrowed.

6:6 And the man of God said, Where fell it? And he shewed him the place. And he cut down a stick, and cast it in thither; and the iron did swim.


-What... the hell? I'm trying to be patient with you 2nd Kings... but spontaneous wood cutting and floating iron axeheads is pushing my boundaries.



6:25 And there was a great famine in Samaria: and, behold, they besieged it, until an ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver.

-WHAT!?



There was a famine in Samaria so bad that women were boiling and eating their babies.

6:28 And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, This woman said unto me, Give thy son, that we may eat him to day, and we will eat my son tomorrow.

6:29 So we boiled my son, and did eat him: and I said unto her on the next day, Give thy son, that we may eat him: and she hath hid her son.


-Apparently the first atheists were from Samaria



And so Elisha says to the starving lepers:

7:1 Hear ye the word of the LORD; Thus saith the LORD, To morrow about this time shall a measure of fine flour be sold for a shekel, and two measures of barley for a shekel, in the gate of Samaria.


-Everybody, it's ok! Tomorrow someone's gonna sell some flour! One of the listeners makes sarcastic remarks and is later trampled by horses for his insolence.



God sends a 7 year famine on some random people, Elisha convinces a messenger to lie to his king, then kill him, business as usual in the Bible.



9:1 And Elisha the prophet called one of the children of the prophets, and said unto him, Gird up thy loins, and take this box of oil in thine hand

-Oh boy! Gird up your loins and grab some oil, because you haven't partied until you've partied with a prophet.



God claims that the house of Ahab will meet the same fate as Jeroboam and Baasha... and pisseth on a wall... and dogs will eat corpses... and yada yada.



Joram (king of Judah) rides out to meet Jehu (recently anointed to be king of Israel) and greets him warmly:

9:22 And it came to pass, when Joram saw Jehu, that he said, Is it peace, Jehu? And he answered, What peace, so long as the whoredoms of thy mother Jezebel and her witchcrafts are so many?


-Booyah! Your mother is a whore and a witch! I'm guessing this is where the term "jezebel" originated? So then everyone is like "oh shit, it's on!" and flees. But Jehu systematically hunts them down (the kings who were present) and "kills them in their chariots" with his bow.

[Image: jez06.jpg]



Jehu then goes to the home of Jezebel, whore mother of the king he just killed, and:

9:33 And he said, Throw her down. So they threw her down: and some of her blood was sprinkled on the wall, and on the horses: and he trode her under foot.

9:34 And when he was come in, he did eat and drink, and said, Go, see now this cursed woman, and bury her: for she is a king's daughter.

9:35 And they went to bury her: but they found no more of her than the skull, and the feet, and the palms of her hands.

9:36 Wherefore they came again, and told him. And he said, This is the word of the LORD, which he spake by his servant Elijah the Tishbite, saying, In the portion of Jezreel shall dogs eat the flesh of Jezebel:

9:37 And the carcase of Jezebel shall be as dung upon the face of the field in the portion of Jezreel; so that they shall not say, This is Jezebel.


-Just delightful. They throw her out the window she was looking out of... where blood splatters everywhere. Then he tramples her with his horse. Then they go enjoy a nice meal, then return to find that her corpse has been eaten by dogs, which is fine since she isn't worth the shit she'll soon become.

[Image: Jezebel.jpg]



Jehu stands at the gates of Samaria and demands that if the people don't want to be killed, they should behead all 70 sons of Ahab and bring the heads to the gate and put them in a pile. Which they do. Then Jehu kills off the rest of Ahab's family. Then he runs into the 42 brothers of the king of Judah and kills them all too. Then he bumps into an old friend on the road, and Jehu demonstrates the "zeal of the Lord" by riding back into Samaria and killing more people.



Then Jehu claims that he is a huge follower of the god Baal and that all the other followers of Baal should meet in a big tent to worship him. And when all of the followers of Baal are in the tent, Jehu has them all killed.



10:30 And the LORD said unto Jehu, Because thou hast done well in executing that which is right in mine eyes, and hast done unto the house of Ahab according to all that was in mine heart, thy children of the fourth generation shall sit on the throne of Israel.

-All the killing and deception and beheading was exactly what God wanted.



(I realize how long this one is becoming so I skip ahead some)



Elisha falls deathly ill, so Joash (the king of Israel... seems to be a popular profession in the Bible) comes to him and Elisha says to him:

13:15 Take bow and arrows. And he took unto him bow and arrows.

13:16 And he said to the king of Israel, Put thine hand upon the bow. And he put his hand upon it: and Elisha put his hands upon the king's hands.

13:17 And he said, Open the window eastward. And he opened it. Then Elisha said, Shoot. And he shot. And he said, The arrow of the LORD's deliverance, and the arrow of deliverance from Syria: for thou shalt smite the Syrians in Aphek, till thou have consumed them.

13:18 And he said, Take the arrows. And he took them. And he said unto the king of Israel, Smite upon the ground. And he smote thrice, and stayed.

13:19 And the man of God was wroth with him, and said, Thou shouldest have smitten five or six times; then hadst thou smitten Syria till thou hadst consumed it: whereas now thou shalt smite Syria but thrice.


-Pure brilliance. "Shoot out the window" (Boing) "That's proof that you will smite the Syrians. Now strike the ground with some arrows" (smack smack smack) "You idiot! If you had struck the ground 5 or 6 times (Five OR Six? So there's no magic number) you would've TOTALLY wiped out Syria, but now it will only be a little bit wiped out."

[Image: figure39_th.jpg]



13:21 And it came to pass, as they were burying a man, that, behold, they spied a band of men; and they cast the man into the sepulchre of Elisha: and when the man was let down, and touched the bones of Elisha, he revived, and stood up on his feet.

-WOW. Elisha doesn't even have to be alive to reanimate the dead. I'm throwing my hat in with Elisha.



14:6 But the children of the murderers he slew not: according unto that which is written in the book of the law of Moses, wherein the LORD commanded, saying, The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, nor the children be put to death for the fathers; but every man shall be put to death for his own sin.

-Are you kidding me God? All you do, all day long, in every book... is punish children and future descendents for the sins of their fathers. That's like your favorite curse, next to famine of course.



A lot of kings came into power, a lot of people were killed, and so on. I'm skipping through all the boring stuff.



19:35 And it came to pass that night, that the angel of the LORD went out, and smote in the camp of the Assyrians an hundred fourscore and five thousand: and when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses.

-This isn't (as theists always argue) humans killing humans in the name of the Lord. This is an angel, sent from God, killing 185,000 men while they slept.

...and how does one "arise early in the morning" to discover that they are a dead corpse?



Hezekiah is informed by God that he will die soon, and to get his affairs in order. But Hezekiah prays and pleads with the Lord to let him live. So God goes "ok then" and tells Hezekiah he will add 15 more years onto his life. And as a sign that God will do so, he makes the sun move backward in the sky... making the shadows move in the opposite direction.

[Image: raphael-king-hezekiah-is-given-a-sign-by...-years.jpg]



Manasseh takes over as king at the age of 12 and delights in pissing God off.

21:6 And he made his son pass through the fire, and observed times, and used enchantments, and dealt with familiar spirits and wizards: he wrought much wickedness in the sight of the LORD, to provoke him to anger.

and he re-erected the altars to Baal and draws pictures of the Lord with penis mustaches, etc. to the point where God says:

21:12 Therefore thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Behold, I am bringing such evil upon Jerusalem and Judah, that whosoever heareth of it, both his ears shall tingle.

21:13 And I will stretch over Jerusalem the line of Samaria, and the plummet of the house of Ahab: and I will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down.


-But after all that macho talk, God does nothing. And Manasseh's son eventually takes over and is just as much a dick to God as his father was. Eventually his own people killed him.



Josiah takes over and does God's bidding... which is to tear down all these damn Baal altars again and kill all Baal's followers. But even though Josiah does as he's told, God is still pissed about his grandfather, Manasseh. Seriously.

23:26 Notwithstanding the LORD turned not from the fierceness of his great wrath, wherewith his anger was kindled against Judah, because of all the provocations that Manasseh had provoked him withal.


-Even though mere chapters before, you just said "don't punish children for their father's sins."

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-05-2011, 02:15 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(19-05-2011 09:38 PM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  14:6 But the children of the murderers he slew not: according unto that which is written in the book of the law of Moses, wherein the LORD commanded, saying, The fathers shall not be put to death for the children, nor the children be put to death for the fathers; but every man shall be put to death for his own sin.

I'm guessing that the actual statement is that he may curse people with generations of death, but everyone dies anyway because they're horrible even without the generations. Also generally he lets bad people live longer than good people.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
26-05-2011, 04:25 PM (This post was last modified: 27-05-2011 01:44 AM by Buddy Christ.)
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
Been distracted lately and ignoring my biblical studies. But we're gonna knock this one out. 1st Chronicles. You ready? Here we go!

[Image: 27895_1_chronicles_t_sm.jpg]



The End






Seriously. Staying true to the chronicle part of its name, the 1st half of 1st Chronicles is one long genealogy and the 2nd half is just a recap of all the things the other books have already mentioned. I think the authors knew that most people had fallen asleep already and were trying to catch them up on things.

Or to quote SkepAnnot "The first nine chapters of First Chronicles are good examples of the 'endless genealogies' that Paul tells us to avoid (see 1 Timothy 1:4 and Titus 3:9). Wearisome as these chapters are, the rest of the book isn't much better. Consequently, First Chronicles is probably the most boring book in the Bible -- maybe the most boring book in all of literature."



21:1 And Satan stood up against Israel, and provoked David to number Israel.


-The first mention of Satan by name... and that's all we get. No explanation, nothing. The way I understand it is that the Books as they appear in the Bible are not in chronological order. But still, you'd think whoever arranged the books would put the book introducing Satan (I believe in the book of Job?) before this one.


On to 2nd Chronicles.

"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."

"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread: Author Replies: Views: Last Post
  Some facepalm moments my mum said to me after finding out I am atheist... TheLogicalAthiest 5 71 Today 01:16 PM
Last Post: Mr. Slave
  A Very Misanthropik Bible Study Misanthropik 37 681 Today 12:46 AM
Last Post: JONES
  The Bible ok'ing abortion???? MrKrispy601 27 496 Yesterday 01:27 PM
Last Post: Im_Ryan
  Updated on my 3rd read of the bible MrKrispy601 24 335 20-07-2014 01:20 PM
Last Post: Fodder_From_The_Truth
  It takes more faith to be an Atheist TheKetola 40 3,673 18-07-2014 01:29 PM
Last Post: Mr. Slave
  Hobby Lobby President Has Agenda To Have Mandatory Bible Curriculum In Public Schools WindyCityJazz 20 396 16-07-2014 06:13 AM
Last Post: Hobbitgirl
  Atheist / Agnostic Informational Resource Library Near 164 15,404 13-07-2014 12:41 AM
Last Post: DLJ
Forum Jump: