An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
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21-04-2011, 08:26 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  6:37 Behold, I will put a fleece of wool in the floor; and if the dew be on the fleece only, and it be dry upon all the earth beside, then shall I know that thou wilt save Israel by mine hand, as thou hast said.

-I thought I made it clear about not tempting the Lord? Gideon still looking for convincing magic tricks from the Big Guy. Why not get something out of your demands for magic tricks? Why not say "If thou can make a stuffed crust pepperoni pizza appear with a 2 liter of mountain dew... then I will know thou wilt save Israel."
Dude! I totally did stuff just like that when I was first thinking about becoming an atheist. Mind you I was 12.




I just tried it again. Still an atheist Big Grin



(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  9:9 But the olive tree said unto them, Should I leave my fatness, wherewith by me they honour God and man, and go to be promoted over the trees?

9:10 And the trees said to the fig tree, Come thou, and reign over us.

9:11 But the fig tree said unto them, Should I forsake my sweetness, and my good fruit, and go to be promoted over the trees?

9:12 Then said the trees unto the vine, Come thou, and reign over us.


-If someone can explain this to me, it would just be a delight. Trees... just randomly start talking to each other. If symbolic or a metaphor, it is so poorly done that the message is completely lost. Perhaps they were conspiring as to whether or not to attack Saruman at his wizardly tower.
1. God creates trees
2. God makes trees talk for the time equivalent of 4 biblical passages
3. God decides talking trees are dumb, never does trick again
4. ????
5. Christians profit Sad


(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Jephthah (worst name ever) makes a deal with God that if he helps him slaughter the Ammonites, he will sacrifice the first person who "comes from his house to greet him." So God kills, and Jephthah's daughter is lucky enough to be the one to greet him first. So she "goes up and down the mountains bewailing her virginity" for 2 months (you'd think she'd just use those 2 months to go get laid) and then Jephthah kills her and sacrifices her as promised.
Yeah, just tried the "hey god, if you exist take me back in time to check whether this virgin was hot or not...." you get where I'm going. Didn't work any better than the pizza and dew

(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  [Image: samson-31.gif]




[Image: samson_15_19.jpg]
Dude, I swear those two pics and the third one of Samson you posted under these two came straight from a children's bible I used to read religiously...




Can I at least get a chuckle?



(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Then Samson sleeps with a chick named Delilah, who is being paid to find out Samson's weakness (how do they know he has a weakness?). So she blatantly asked him what his weakness is. He says:

16:7 If they bind me with seven green withs that were never dried, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.

So she binds him with green withs and says "Surprise, it was a trap! The Philistines are upon you now." ... and he breaks free of them and laughs. And she's like:

16:10 Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be bound.

16:11 And he said unto her, If they bind me fast with new ropes that never were occupied, then shall I be weak, and be as another man.


-This continues, with Delilah going "AHA we've got you now!" and Samson going "Nope, I was just kidding." and she immediately goes "Ahh man, seriously, what's your weakness? Don't you love me?"

-Until he ACTUALLY tells her his weakness, a shaved head, then falls asleep in her lap. So of course they shave him, capture him, and bring him to be sacrificed to their god, so he asks the Lord for the strength to go all terrorist on their asses and brings the house down, killing himself and 3000 people. What kind of building is held up by 2 pillars?
This is a very VERY serious part of the bible that you should take very literally man...never EVER tell a bitch your weakness! She will use it against you every time. I'm telling you man, I dated one like that.

(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  19:27 And her lord rose up in the morning, and opened the doors of the house, and went out to go his way: and, behold, the woman his concubine was fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold.

19:28 And he said unto her, Up, and let us be going. But none answered. Then the man took her up upon an ass, and the man rose up, and gat him unto his place.

19:29 And when he was come into his house, he took a knife, and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, together with her bones, into twelve pieces, and sent her into all the coasts of Israel.[/b]

-(From SkepAnnoBible) After taking in a traveling Levite, the host offers his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine to a mob of perverts (who want to have sex with his guest). The mob refuses the daughter, but accepts the concubine and they "abuse her all night." The next morning she crawls back to the doorstep. The Levite puts her body on an ass and takes it home. Then he chops the body up into twelve pieces (while still alive?) and sends them to each of the twelve tribes of Israel.
Okay, I've seen sexism in the bible. I've seen senseless torture and genocide. Rape comes off as a good thing in certain passages. But this is the first case of an obvious lust murder that I've ever seen in the bible. Dude would have been like Joel Rifkin had he lived in our day. Can't believe I never saw this part before.



(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  So they go back and say to God "what the fuck is your deal?" and he's like "alright, THIS time you'll win, I'm super serious." And the Israelites prevail.[/b]
God. Troll extraordinaire? Or just Al Gore, southpark style?


(21-04-2011 02:02 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  Ah, the Bible. Teaching us for 2000 years that when faced with a dilemma... genocide, kidnapping, pedophilia, slavery, and animal sacrifices will fix things in a pinch.
You gotta admit man, that puts the history of the christian religion into context. NOW I get where they're coming from.

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Messages In This Thread
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - Firestorm2408 - 13-04-2011, 12:49 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - Firestorm2408 - 13-04-2011, 11:36 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - Firestorm2408 - 13-04-2011, 04:13 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - paulesungnomo - 17-11-2011, 06:14 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - cfhmagnet - 21-04-2011 08:26 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - GassyKitten - 12-05-2011, 06:13 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - GassyKitten - 12-05-2011, 07:31 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - Jumping Atheist - 18-05-2011, 11:46 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - QTpieRsquared - 10-07-2011, 10:19 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - calmyourtitsbro - 22-11-2011, 02:40 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible - paulesungnomo - 01-12-2011, 12:28 PM
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