An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
26-05-2011, 06:18 PM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible
2nd Chronicles, here we g......
And I'm back.
First 13 or so chapters of 2nd Chronic (my nickname for this book, not Dr Dre's upcoming album) are yet more recapping of things we've already covered, such as Solomon and his conquests.
13:15 Then the men of Judah gave a shout: and as the men of Judah shouted, it came to pass, that God smote Jeroboam and all Israel before Abijah and Judah.
13:16 And the children of Israel fled before Judah: and God delivered them into their hand.
13:17 And Abijah and his people slew them with a great slaughter: so there fell down slain of Israel five hundred thousand chosen men.
-The people of Judah kill 500,000 Israelite men and children (because the Israelis followed Jeroboam's rule, who was not a descendant of David... and God had promised Israel to David forever). Seems these religious wars are increasing in scale.
14:11 And Asa cried unto the LORD his God, and said, LORD, it is nothing with thee to help, whether with many, or with them that have no power: help us, O LORD our God; for we rest on thee, and in thy name we go against this multitude. O LORD, thou art our God; let no man prevail against thee.
14:12 So the LORD smote the Ethiopians before Asa, and before Judah; and the Ethiopians fled.
-God kills one million Ethiopians. What are we, like 14 books into the Bible? Nearly every page so far has been a glorified recounting of God's military successes. Call me crazy, but if I were to conceive of a divine book of moral guidance... it certainly wouldn't start off by celebrating the millions and millions of people that were killed in the name of a deity. Not once has the Bible hinted at regret or remorse for all the people killed.
15:13 That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman.
-Wow. This is a pretty weighted line. Men, women, and children should be killed if they don't believe.
16:12 And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet, until his disease was exceeding great: yet in his disease he sought not to the LORD, but to the physicians.
-Still relevant today. Those who condemn science still seek a doctor rather than pray when it comes to their health.
God tells his people "hang back, I got this one" and makes the Moabites, Ammonites, and Edomites go crazy and fight each other so that the people of Judah didn't even have to do battle.
20:22 And when they began to sing and to praise, the LORD set ambushments against the children of Ammon, Moab, and mount Seir, which were come against Judah; and they were smitten.
-Oh yeah... and of course he included the children in the slaughter.
21:11 Moreover he made high places in the mountains of Judah and caused the inhabitants of Jerusalem to commit fornication, and compelled Judah thereto.
21:12 And there came a writing to him from Elijah the prophet...
21:14 Behold, with a great plague will the LORD smite thy people, and thy children, and thy wives, and all thy goods:
21:15 And thou shalt have great sickness by disease of thy bowels, until thy bowels fall out by reason of the sickness day by day.
21:16 Moreover the LORD stirred up against Jehoram the spirit of the Philistines, and of the Arabians, that were near the Ethiopians:
21:17 And they came up into Judah, and brake into it, and carried away all the substance that was found in the king's house, and his sons also, and his wives; so that there was never a son left him, save Jehoahaz, the youngest of his sons.
21:18 And after all this the LORD smote him in his bowels with an incurable disease.
21:19 And it came to pass, that in process of time, after the end of two years, his bowels fell out by reason of his sickness
-Sooooo, let me get this straight: Jeroham made "high places" which caused everyone to start having an orgy, so Elijah (who had already taken the joyride up to heaven at this point in the story) wrote to him and said "dude, God doesn't like what you did so He's going to plague your people and your family and also your bowels are going to fall out, peace nigga." And not only that, God purposely pissed off the Philistines and the Arabians so that they broke into his house, stole his wives and his children... and then his bowels fell out as promised.
-Seems like the only way out of God's Gang is death.
25:1 Amaziah was twenty and five years old when he began to reign, and he reigned twenty and nine years in Jerusalem. And his mother's name was Jehoaddan of Jerusalem.
25:2 And he did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, but not with a perfect heart.
25:3 Now it came to pass, when the kingdom was established to him, that he slew his servants that had killed the king his father.
-Also very gangsta like, everyone that steps up as God's number 1 seems to have to kill someone before God takes them seriously.
25:11 And Amaziah strengthened himself, and led forth his people, and went to the valley of salt, and smote of the children of Seir ten thousand.
25:12 And other ten thousand left alive did the children of Judah carry away captive, and brought them unto the top of the rock, and cast them down from the top of the rock, that they all were broken in pieces.
-What. The fuck. Now it just seems like God is picking on children specifically. Ten thousand killed... and then ten thousand kept alive so that they can be thrown from a cliff.
26:1 Then all the people of Judah took Uzziah, who was sixteen years old, and made him king in the room of his father Amaziah.
26:4 And he did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Amaziah did.
26:6 And he went forth and warred against the Philistines...
-Once again... gotta get those initiation rites out of the way.
26:16 But when he was strong, his heart was lifted up to his destruction: for he transgressed against the LORD his God, and went into the temple of the LORD to burn incense upon the altar of incense.
26:18 And they withstood Uzziah the king, and said unto him, It appertaineth not unto thee, Uzziah, to burn incense unto the LORD, but to the priests the sons of Aaron, that are consecrated to burn incense: go out of the sanctuary; for thou hast trespassed
26:20 And Azariah the chief priest, and all the priests, looked upon him, and, behold, he was leprous in his forehead, and they thrust him out from thence; yea, himself hasted also to go out, because the LORD had smitten him.
-Amaziah is stoked about his righteous killing of Philistines so he goes to burn some incense for the Lord... and is cursed with leprosy since only priests are allowed to burn incense.
-There's a pattern here. Someone takes over as God's Sword of Wraith, kills someone to prove himself, God goes "I got your back, you don't have to worry about anything ever again," and then God completely turns his back on him for a minor infraction of the rules, and utterly destroys everyone involved. Rinse and repeat.
27:1 Jotham was twenty and five years old when he began to reign, and he reigned sixteen years in Jerusalem.
27:2 And he did that which was right in the sight of the LORD, according to all that his father Uzziah did: howbeit he entered not into the temple of the LORD
-There's part one and part two. Can we get a trifecta?
27:5 He fought also with the king of the Ammonites, and prevailed against them.
28:1 Ahaz was twenty years old when he began to reign, and he reigned sixteen years in Jerusalem
28:5 Wherefore the LORD his God delivered him into the hand of the king of Syria; and they smote him, and carried away a great multitude of them captives, and brought them to Damascus. And he was also delivered into the hand of the king of Israel, who smote him with a great slaughter.
The last few chapters recount the acts of Hezekiah and Manasseh again and mentions all the kings who took over (usually aged 8-12) and died within a decade or two.
"Ain't got no last words to say, yellow streak right up my spine. The gun in my mouth was real and the taste blew my mind."
"We see you cry. We turn your head. Then we slap your face. We see you try. We see you fail. Some things never change."