An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
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05-11-2014, 05:26 AM (This post was last modified: 05-11-2014 06:35 AM by DLJ.)
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
(04-04-2011 02:35 AM)Buddy Christ Wrote:  First off, I'm skipping the whole "how were plants created before light/photosynthesis, how was light created before the sun, contradictions of which was created first" word games. Those take up too much time and words and pie.

God was the light then.

"And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also."

-The moon is not a light, it is a reflection of the sun's light. This is the first of many examples that suggest that God's omnipotence seems to be limited to the knowledge of the demographics and time period of when the Bible was written. Strange.

This verse can mean 2 things: It gives light, or you can see light on it.

1:26 "And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness"[

-Our? Just how many gods are there?


2:2 "And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made."

-even though they say that God only "rested" to set an example of how would should rest on the 7th day, couldn't the Bible just say "rest on Sunday" ??(question mark)? It clearly says God rested, which means that this all-powerful being was worn out from all those valleys and hills and Wyoming and platypuses.

Anyone can chill.

The Garden and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil

-Sooooo... God takes these 2 newly formed, ignorant to life humans, puts them in a garden with a tree bearing food, nonchalantly goes "don't eat from it" ... then leaves... to go make Venus, I guess. And you know the rest.

So... WHY did he put them near the tree? WHY did he have that which he didn't want humans to attain be edible and tempting? WHY did he leave? WHY did he allow Satan the Snake to be in the garden, knowing full well that he would tempt them? Why did God design these 2 humans to be susceptible to temptation?

Then God comes strolling by (3:8 "walking in the garden in the cool of the day") at the PRECISE moment after they eat the fruit and goes "whoa whoa, what's going on here?" (I'm paraphrasing, of course)

It's like having a 2 year old child and going "Now son, I'm going to leave these delicious chocolate chip cookies sitting right here within reach of you. I'm going to the store to buy some Funyuns. Don't eat them. Bye!" When any caring parent would remove temptation, knowing that the child doesn't know any better.

So it's quite obvious to me that God WANTED man to F up royally. God created man with the sole purpose of imposing "original sin" upon him, so that he may feel guilty and grovel and ask forgiveness for something that wasn't his fault for all eternity.

That child who ate the cookies is now 40 and the parent is still bringing it up daily. "I don't care if you saved an orphanage from burning down today... remember when I told you not to eat those cookies and you did?"

1. He let them get tempted: If he didn't, we would have no full free will.
2. God won't keep bringing up your sins if you repent of them.

Cain slays Abel and is "cast out" arbitrarily from one remote location of this empty world to another random remote location. Then he worries that "every one that findeth me shall slay me."

-This is a strange worry since he is 1 of 3 people in existence. Then he sleeps with his wife to start the incestual chain of humanity... but where did his wife come from?

He is referring to future people, and he either got a wife from his rib or one of his sisters. There was nothing wrong with this then because:
1. There was no other option.
2. The babies wouldn't be deformed because they had no faulty genes.
3. The law against it wasn't enforced.
4. There was no one to tattle to.

6:4 "There were giants in the earth in those days"

-I'm assuming these are literal giants and not "intellectual giants" or some modern term.

Why does that matter?

Then the Lord decides that all humanity is corrupt and needs to be massacred via flood.

-One... why the need for an elaborate flood? Why not just use your God powers and make every one not exist? You can only create from nothing, not turn into nothing? Two, were we not already told that men were made in His image? So either God is evil and corrupt, which is why we turned out like we did before and after the flood... or he is incapable of creating things how he wants. God is a flawed designer.

Maybe that's why he doesn't show his face anymore. He tried once, messed up and started over. Then he was like "whoa hold on, hold on. No, stop making more people. Wait, why did you kill that guy? Stop fucking! There's too many of you already! You know what!? Fuck this, I'm out!"

1. God has creative license.

2. I don't get why we need to be perfect to be made in God's image. All we would need is to be a trinity (Mind, body, soul), and have a inherently good moral conscience.

3. It's not that God is not capable of making beings he wanted: He wanted to give us free-will, and he did. He didn't want to choose for us, and he didn't.

Then there's the Ark which I won't discuss do to redundancy. There are thousands of videos mocking this obvious nonsensical fairy tale already. The average thinker explaining the flaws of Noah and his ark is analogous to a world renowned chemist giving a lecture on the validity of alchemy.

1. God can work through logical flaws because he is God.

2. There's old stories about huge floods in all kinds of religions, he can't deny that something at least similar happened.

Then Noah (the only righteous man in the world) gets hammered on wine and passes out naked.

Ecclesiastes 7:20

Then the humans build an impressive tower and God (completely caught off guard) confuses them by making them speak multiple languages because their tower was more impressive than the one he made in shop class.

God was not caught off guard, and the building was not better than the mountains, space, sky, oceans, trees, etc.

Many pages of slaves and servitude and historical inaccuracies and more incest

And many verses like Leviticus 25:43, Colossians 4:1, and Pslam 18:30.

18:9 "And God said unto him, 'Where is Sarah thy wife?'" You're omnipotent, God. Quit messing with me. And stop asking about my wife, perv.

It's in the same way a parent would ask the child "What have you done?!" when they already know.

Lot offers his virgin daughters to a mob of rapists to appease their lust for the sexually attractive angels


God burns Sodom and Gomorrah to the ground, including all those "evil" children and newborn babies.

Those went to Heaven, and they would have grown up wickedly.

God turns Lot's wife in a pillar of salt just for kicks and giggles. Why exactly was it so wrong to look back at a village being assaulted by fire raining from the sky? If no one was supposed to look, perhaps God could've made the destruction a little more subtle.

Luke 9:62

Lot's daughters got their father drunk, then raped him." Yeah, I've been really drunk before, even drunk, high, and on acid at the same time. And not once during that time would I have "mistakenly" slept with my family members. Especially since they lived in a cave, separate from anyone that could have been confused for a bar skank.

"And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth" They wanted to continue their seed.

21:1 "And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken. For Sarah conceived..."

-God made a booty call


For some reason, God takes human form and wrestles Jacob. He is losing so he cheats and gropes Jacob's inner thigh.

Why does that have any significance?

Various pages discerning which parts of the penis to chop off.

This must not even be serious anymore.

Onan is murdered by God for spooging on the ground instead of impregnating his brother's wife.

"And the thing which he did displeased the Lord". In other words, it was sin.

A 7000 page story about Joseph being thought dead, but actually not.

"This must not even be serious anymore."

Anyways, this whole thing is too useless to continue any further. Get into Christ in the Old Testament (Such as Man appointed mortal sorrow, and Isaac's sacrifice), and the root of Christianity itself.
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05-11-2014, 06:45 AM
RE: An atheist's critique of the Bible (Book and eBook now available)
(05-11-2014 05:26 AM)Nintentacle Wrote:  ...

This must not even be serious anymore.


Satire bypass?

Welcome to the forum Big Grin

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