An echo chamber for ourselves
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29-07-2016, 01:32 PM
An echo chamber for ourselves
Hi,

I met a man today in the supermarket. I was a stranger to him, but he quickly told me very personal things about his life. This was unusual, as we were in a checkout queue. I had the feeling that the things he said were often repeated, in the manner of a soliloquy. He needed to speak. I very rarely meet a person like this, in this manner. I quietly said “Too much information” but he didn’t stop.

The danger that concerns me is that we are all vulnerable, by age or just loneliness, to become an echo chamber for ourselves. Indeed, it can happen in the middle of a loving family, and too often it seems to be the older male who falls to it, although not always.

Maybe the internet forum is a way of avoiding such loops? When we post we hope to be read, and when we read replies we can reply in return. There has to be voluntary exchange, and if there isn’t then anyone can see the hanging thread. In the supermarket queue I was a private, captive, audience; painfully so.

It was a sad learning experience, but did inspire empathy and thought.

D.
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29-07-2016, 01:38 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
I hate it when that shit happens.
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29-07-2016, 01:45 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
(29-07-2016 01:38 PM)Dark Wanderer Wrote:  I hate it when that shit happens.

DW,

I did feel like that, but have been trying to make the best of it. Confused Guess this thread is just me venting.

D.
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29-07-2016, 01:52 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
Forums are often echo chambers.
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29-07-2016, 02:18 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
I once had an employee who was very good at her job, but you literally could not take her any place. She was in her late 30s, and you could not be in the same room with her for 10 minutes without knowing her entire life history.

I had to stop taking her to conferences and meetings, she would talk and talk until people rolled their eyes.

She was like this all the time. Except when working, she would concentrate fully then.

I have no idea what causes this, but am guessing some sort of disorder. I spoke to her about it repeatedly, first I just mentioned that I needed to spend more time listening to clients. Then I got more direct, until finally I started kicking her shin under the table. Nothing worked.

Eventually I just had to remove her from everything that required contact with the public.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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29-07-2016, 03:45 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
(29-07-2016 02:18 PM)Dom Wrote:  I once had an employee who was very good at her job, but you literally could not take her any place. She was in her late 30s, and you could not be in the same room with her for 10 minutes without knowing her entire life history.

I had to stop taking her to conferences and meetings, she would talk and talk until people rolled their eyes.

She was like this all the time. Except when working, she would concentrate fully then.

I have no idea what causes this, but am guessing some sort of disorder. I spoke to her about it repeatedly, first I just mentioned that I needed to spend more time listening to clients. Then I got more direct, until finally I started kicking her shin under the table. Nothing worked.

Eventually I just had to remove her from everything that required contact with the public.

Dom,

There is a point at which we think 'nutter'. There can still be empathy, even loving concern, but the Rubicon has been crossed.

The antidote for 'nutter' is the knowing look. When we share that, we can be sure we are still in the pack. As philosopher Martin Buber said, it is the "I and Thou" relationship, so precious to those who are party to it.

D.
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29-07-2016, 03:47 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
(29-07-2016 01:32 PM)Dworkin Wrote:  Hi,

I met a man today in the supermarket. I was a stranger to him, but he quickly told me very personal things about his life. This was unusual, as we were in a checkout queue. I had the feeling that the things he said were often repeated, in the manner of a soliloquy. He needed to speak. I very rarely meet a person like this, in this manner. I quietly said “Too much information” but he didn’t stop.

The danger that concerns me is that we are all vulnerable, by age or just loneliness, to become an echo chamber for ourselves. Indeed, it can happen in the middle of a loving family, and too often it seems to be the older male who falls to it, although not always.

Maybe the internet forum is a way of avoiding such loops? When we post we hope to be read, and when we read replies we can reply in return. There has to be voluntary exchange, and if there isn’t then anyone can see the hanging thread. In the supermarket queue I was a private, captive, audience; painfully so.

It was a sad learning experience, but did inspire empathy and thought.

D.

Yer this happens at the time at work. I work in public libraries and it is one of the few places left that people can go regardless of their financial situation. We get a lot of disenfranchised and lonely people come in. Most just want a friendly ear, will tell you the same set of stories in a never ending loop but by giving them patients, kindness and respect it makes their day. We maybe the only person they speak to in a week. Thank you for handling the awkward situation well. I have had it happen to me on public transport that was a bit frightening but I didn't engage just let them prattle on.

My tolerance done not extend to your intolerance Angel
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29-07-2016, 03:57 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
(29-07-2016 03:47 PM)no_s_sherlock Wrote:  Yer this happens at the time at work. I work in public libraries and it is one of the few places left that people can go regardless of their financial situation. We get a lot of disenfranchised and lonely people come in. Most just want a friendly ear, will tell you the same set of stories in a never ending loop but by giving them patients, kindness and respect it makes their day. We maybe the only person they speak to in a week. Thank you for handling the awkward situation well. I have had it happen to me on public transport that was a bit frightening but I didn't engage just let them prattle on.

sherlock,

Something that travels well on the internet and in life generally is kindness. You have it. Smile

I spent 20 years teaching in adult education and had similar listening experiences. One thing I learned is never to put someone down if they are already hurting.

Good thoughts to you.

D.
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29-07-2016, 04:00 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
Your experience sounds super awkward and I hate it when that happens, I almost never get that in real life but I work for a call center so every now and then I will get a real talker, just going on and on about their whole damn life and it's like, please let me go!

I used to work for eHarmony customer care, most people would call in with a specific issue, get it resolved and hang up but then we had our repeat callers who would literally just want to talk to someone, anyone for hours and would have to end the call at some point but they would always call back. Most were nice but some were emotionally inconsistent, they would call just to vent and rage about everything but especially dating. They would also flirt a lot, offer to move to wherever I was to take me out, etc. I never get that now I work in IT, thankfully.

It was very sad, it made me realize how lucky I was to have love in my life and to have at least this one person I can talk to so I don't have to go around trying to talk to strangers plus I'm pretty shy anyway. I just hope I never get that way. Confused

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29-07-2016, 04:37 PM
RE: An echo chamber for ourselves
(29-07-2016 02:18 PM)Dom Wrote:  I once had an employee who was very good at her job, but you literally could not take her any place. She was in her late 30s, and you could not be in the same room with her for 10 minutes without knowing her entire life history.

I had to stop taking her to conferences and meetings, she would talk and talk until people rolled their eyes.

She was like this all the time. Except when working, she would concentrate fully then.

I have no idea what causes this, but am guessing some sort of disorder. I spoke to her about it repeatedly, first I just mentioned that I needed to spend more time listening to clients. Then I got more direct, until finally I started kicking her shin under the table. Nothing worked.

Eventually I just had to remove her from everything that required contact with the public.
My first wife and my brother's wife are first cousins. They have now been married for 49 years. My wife divorced me after 19 years. But said s-i-l has to tell any and all of my girlfriends that she is first cousin to my first wife. I had one lady I brought to my mother's 88th birthday party a few tears back and I told her that within haf an hour Barb would be sure to tell her about taht fact. I had forgotten about havig said it until I heard laughter coming from the kitchen and heard my friend telling sister in law that she was 3 minutes late!
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