Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
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22-05-2016, 10:03 AM
Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
Let me preface this by saying that I feel like a completely irrational bitch for this and wish I could make it go away, but I fear I'll just have to learn to live with it and at least need to vent.

After a life of strong belief, I lost my faith about 3 years ago. I'd been in an abusive marriage for years, my husband had just gone into the hospital for suicide threats, I felt completely trapped, and I realized that I had no desire to ask God for help, instead relying completely on my friends, because they were there and could actually help. In the ten or so months I stayed past that, my husband agreed with me that there was no God and we would keep our children, then aged 2 and 5, out of church and not try to indoctrinate them to any one belief.

Once I left him, he found God again. I have my own cynical reasons I suspect are the reasons for this conversion, but those aren't relevant right now.

The thing that's becoming a real issue is now during visits, our kids are being bombarded with Christianity and I'm struggling to not explode over it. I've tried to explain to our oldest that not everyone believes the same and he told me "wait til you die, you'll see." My youngest had a breakdown recently because Jesus is dead and putting such death in a child's head seems so cruel. A classmate of my oldest just lost their mother and watching he and a friend talk about how she's in heaven and they can't wait to be there terrifies me, because of the suicidal ideation such beliefs have caused in so many people I know. I'm just angry all the time about it, and physically shake when it's mentioned. Religion fucked me up so bad and now they're on the same path and I absolutely seethe with rage over it. But I have to hide that, too. It's this horrible thing in my head that I'm so conflicted and torn up over.
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22-05-2016, 10:09 AM
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
Have you already talked to him about your concerns? Hopefully you can reach a compromise that works for both of you. Something like waiting until they're a bit older so they can make their own decision instead of being indoctrinated.

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22-05-2016, 10:12 AM (This post was last modified: 22-05-2016 11:50 AM by DLJ.)
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
Take a deep breath and think of it as an inoculation.

They've got to be exposed to the virus to be able to start building up an immunity to it.

Up-load some thinking tools ... maybe some exposure to Greek and Norse myths and legends might help.

Good luck.

Hug

EDIT: Oh, and...

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22-05-2016, 10:14 AM
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
(22-05-2016 10:09 AM)Vosur Wrote:  Have you already talked to him about your concerns? Hopefully you can reach a compromise that works for both of you. Something like waiting until they're a bit older so they can make their own decision instead of being indoctrinated.

I forgot some important details, as I tend to do when I'm upset. Due to the abusive nature of the marriage and events that led to me leaving, I have not spoken to him since the day I left. I have a no contact protective order. I live in the deep south so I worry about how any opposition I have would be interpreted and used against me. We only speak through his mother, who wasn't happy when he didn't believe and will in no way support me.
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22-05-2016, 10:16 AM
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
(22-05-2016 10:12 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Take a deep breath and think of it as an inoculation.

They've got to be exposed to the virus to be able to start building up an immunity to it.

Up-load some thinking tools ... maybe some exposure to Greek and Norse myths and legends might help.

Good luck.

Hug

Guess it's time to start searching amazon for kid friendly mythology books! Big Grin
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22-05-2016, 10:17 AM
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
(22-05-2016 10:03 AM)LadyNymeria Wrote:  Let me preface this by saying that I feel like a completely irrational bitch for this and wish I could make it go away, but I fear I'll just have to learn to live with it and at least need to vent.

After a life of strong belief, I lost my faith about 3 years ago. I'd been in an abusive marriage for years, my husband had just gone into the hospital for suicide threats, I felt completely trapped, and I realized that I had no desire to ask God for help, instead relying completely on my friends, because they were there and could actually help. In the ten or so months I stayed past that, my husband agreed with me that there was no God and we would keep our children, then aged 2 and 5, out of church and not try to indoctrinate them to any one belief.

Once I left him, he found God again. I have my own cynical reasons I suspect are the reasons for this conversion, but those aren't relevant right now.

The thing that's becoming a real issue is now during visits, our kids are being bombarded with Christianity and I'm struggling to not explode over it. I've tried to explain to our oldest that not everyone believes the same and he told me "wait til you die, you'll see." My youngest had a breakdown recently because Jesus is dead and putting such death in a child's head seems so cruel. A classmate of my oldest just lost their mother and watching he and a friend talk about how she's in heaven and they can't wait to be there terrifies me, because of the suicidal ideation such beliefs have caused in so many people I know. I'm just angry all the time about it, and physically shake when it's mentioned. Religion fucked me up so bad and now they're on the same path and I absolutely seethe with rage over it. But I have to hide that, too. It's this horrible thing in my head that I'm so conflicted and torn up over.

The most wonderful thing about children is that they grow up. Your children may be influenced right now by religion, but if you completely surround them with rational thought, intelligent and well read people and expose them to what they need to polish their thinking skills, they will be fine.
I would suggest that you be much more assertive about it however, because if you are not decisive and brave about your beliefs, they will see you as tentative and uncertain. You are their role model, and so will have to be outspoken and bold about it. Take them to age appropriate experiences, expose them to a variety of different types of people, who are atheists or of a different faith, show them the things you have discovered. They are your children, instead of being angry, teach them.
You are not doing them any favor by trying to be polite and cooperative about it, especially considering the past relationship you had with your husband, which you said was abusive. Your children are already influenced by that. You need to step up and be bold and teach them to not allow people to control or manipulate them. It is your job. Use that anger and direct it the proper way. They are counting on you.

The biology of mind bridges the sciences - concerned with the natural world - and the humanities - concerned with the meaning of human experience. Eric Kandel
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22-05-2016, 10:19 AM (This post was last modified: 22-05-2016 10:24 AM by Fireball.)
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
Bummer.

Teaching them logic as fun will help. Play games like WFF 'n' Proof, for example, when they are old enough. Well-developed reasoning skills will go a long way to building resistance to the meme. I worked with my 3 sons on games like this, and even though we went to church (Catholic) in those days, they are now all atheists.

Good luck!
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22-05-2016, 10:20 AM
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
(22-05-2016 10:03 AM)LadyNymeria Wrote:  Let me preface this by saying that I feel like a completely irrational bitch for this and wish I could make it go away, but I fear I'll just have to learn to live with it and at least need to vent.

After a life of strong belief, I lost my faith about 3 years ago. I'd been in an abusive marriage for years, my husband had just gone into the hospital for suicide threats, I felt completely trapped, and I realized that I had no desire to ask God for help, instead relying completely on my friends, because they were there and could actually help. In the ten or so months I stayed past that, my husband agreed with me that there was no God and we would keep our children, then aged 2 and 5, out of church and not try to indoctrinate them to any one belief.

Once I left him, he found God again. I have my own cynical reasons I suspect are the reasons for this conversion, but those aren't relevant right now.

The thing that's becoming a real issue is now during visits, our kids are being bombarded with Christianity and I'm struggling to not explode over it. I've tried to explain to our oldest that not everyone believes the same and he told me "wait til you die, you'll see." My youngest had a breakdown recently because Jesus is dead and putting such death in a child's head seems so cruel. A classmate of my oldest just lost their mother and watching he and a friend talk about how she's in heaven and they can't wait to be there terrifies me, because of the suicidal ideation such beliefs have caused in so many people I know. I'm just angry all the time about it, and physically shake when it's mentioned. Religion fucked me up so bad and now they're on the same path and I absolutely seethe with rage over it. But I have to hide that, too. It's this horrible thing in my head that I'm so conflicted and torn up over.

I am so sorry to hear that anyone has to go through anything like that. It’s not something I can relate to from firsthand experience, but the stories that I hear from people in situations like yours are so disheartening.

The only advice that I can offer you is to arm yourself with counter-missionary tools and warmly challenge your children to think empathetically about the messages that Christianity sends. If you instill some doubt in their minds now, and meet them intellectually as they grow and start asking questions, you can probably give them a good chance to make their own, well informed decision later in life.
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22-05-2016, 10:34 AM (This post was last modified: 22-05-2016 11:56 AM by I'mFred.)
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
Quote:I lost my faith

You didn't lose anything. You found reality.

Quote:he found God again

No. He didn't. He lost the truth.

You are in a tough spot. I feel for you.

Be strong!

Edited because my original post might not be the right tone for the support forum.
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22-05-2016, 10:39 AM (This post was last modified: 22-05-2016 10:46 AM by Born Again Pagan.)
RE: Anger because my children are being taught Christianity
(22-05-2016 10:12 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Take a deep breath and think of it as an inoculation.

They've got to be exposed to the virus to be able to start building up an immunity to it.

Up-load some thinking tools ... maybe some exposure to Greek and Norse myths and legends might help.

Good luck.

Hug

That is what I was thinking. Read them stories of Thor and his hammer and Loki and his tricks, Maybe even Native American Gods such as Coyote of the Navajo. ANd let these simmer in the kids heads along with the Jesus stories. And point out that these stories are all in the same frame of fiction. There may be a lot of videos of heroic Gods in a setting appropriate for kids. I wouldn't know, but would think so. Show some of these to them. When my kids were little every time my wife started another sexual affair the first indication I had was she started dragging the kids to church. "Jesus doesn't want you to smoke daddy." From my 4 year old. I replied with "Did he tell you so?" And I added, "Maybe you didn't know, but Superman smokes when he isn't being filmed for his show. Maybe Jesus does too, we don't know!"
I took every opportunity to dilute what they were learning of God and God Jr with counter examples. I remember asking my son when he was 5 or so if he had ever seen Jesus flying like Superboy does.
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