Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
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08-07-2014, 07:53 PM
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
(08-07-2014 02:36 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  My family thinks this kind of made-up crap is perfectly worthy and acceptable to pass around Rainbow Vomit

"My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and will always bless you. I am always with you. I need you to spend 30 minutes of your time with Me today. Don't pray, just praise. Today, I want this message to go across the world before midnight. Will you help? Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Please drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Why do we feel sleepy in prayer, but stay awake through a 3 hour movie? Why are we so bored when we look at the HOLY BOOK but find it easy to read other books? Why is it so easy to ignore a message about God, yet we forward the nasty ones? Why are prayers getting smaller, but bars and clubs are expanding? Why is it so easy to worship a celebrity, but very difficult to engage with God? Think about it, are you going to forward this or are you going to ignore it because you think you will get laughed at? Forward this to all your friends. 80% of you won't. God said if you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you on the day of judgment. When one door closes , God opens two. If God has opened doors for you, send this message to everyone. God has no BLACKBERRY but he's my favorite contact. He is not on FACEBOOK but he is my best friend. He is not on TWITTER but I still follow Him, and even without the INTERNET I am always connected to him. He is not on gmail but he's always online. Forward if God's been good to you!

Have a great day!"

Weeping

Dear God,

Fuck you.

Best Wishes, Steven

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
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08-07-2014, 08:33 PM (This post was last modified: 09-07-2014 03:39 AM by Full Circle.)
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
(08-07-2014 07:53 PM)Atothetheist Wrote:  
(08-07-2014 02:36 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  My family thinks this kind of made-up crap is perfectly worthy and acceptable to pass around Rainbow Vomit

"My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and will always bless you. I am always with you. I need you to spend 30 minutes of your time with Me today. Don't pray, just praise. Today, I want this message to go across the world before midnight. Will you help? Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Please drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Why do we feel sleepy in prayer, but stay awake through a 3 hour movie? Why are we so bored when we look at the HOLY BOOK but find it easy to read other books? Why is it so easy to ignore a message about God, yet we forward the nasty ones? Why are prayers getting smaller, but bars and clubs are expanding? Why is it so easy to worship a celebrity, but very difficult to engage with God? Think about it, are you going to forward this or are you going to ignore it because you think you will get laughed at? Forward this to all your friends. 80% of you won't. God said if you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you on the day of judgment. When one door closes , God opens two. If God has opened doors for you, send this message to everyone. God has no BLACKBERRY but he's my favorite contact. He is not on FACEBOOK but he is my best friend. He is not on TWITTER but I still follow Him, and even without the INTERNET I am always connected to him. He is not on gmail but he's always online. Forward if God's been good to you!

Have a great day!"

Weeping

Dear God,

Fuck you.

Best Wishes, Steven

The one I really want to tell go and fuck themselves is the person who came up with this shit. Probably somebody pissed off that they pray and praise and grovel to their imaginary friend without results. They then see others who don't that have a newer car or nicer boobs or whatever and it just boils their ass.

This is their wishful thinking of saying what they hope their deity would say. I think people like this would absofuckinlutely love to be standing next to their benevolent God while it rains down a shitstrom on everyone else. Fucking Teacher's Pet. They weren't popular in school, they aren't popular now and it just grinds on them.

“I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man’s reasoning powers are not above the monkey’s.”~Mark Twain
“Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.”~ Ambrose Bierce
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08-07-2014, 09:14 PM
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
(08-07-2014 08:33 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  The one I really want to tell go and fuck themselves is the person who came up with this shit. Probably somebody pissed off that they pray and praise and grovel to their imaginary friend without results. They then see others who don't have a newer car or nicer boobs or whatever and it just boils their ass.

This is their wishful thinking of saying what they hope their deity would say. I think people like this would absofuckinlutely love to be standing next to their benevolent God while it rains down a shitstrom on everyone else. Fucking Teacher's Pet. They weren't popular in school, they aren't popular now and it just grinds on them.

Yeah, there's a ton of situations that would work for idiots like that. It could just be some attention whore who loves to see how many likes and shares they can get on Facebook. Could be some born-again idiot trying to "show his dedication to God", while making their own self look like somebody so dedicated to their cause, or thinking that they can inspire some sucker to come over to their side (one of my sister's friends from high school turned into exactly that). Could be a million different possibilities as to why the idiot that created this did so. The only thing we know for sure is that it's stupid and pathetic.

“Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.” - Mark Twain
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08-07-2014, 10:18 PM (This post was last modified: 08-07-2014 10:25 PM by Drunkin Druid.)
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
(08-07-2014 02:36 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  My family thinks this kind of made-up crap is perfectly worthy and acceptable to pass around Rainbow Vomit

"My name is God.
-nice to meet you.

You hardly have time for me.
-yeah I'm pretty busy.

I love you and will always bless you.
-thanks

I am always with you.
- that's kinda creepy.

I need you to spend 30 minutes of your time with Me today.
-you're coming off a little needy there man

Don't pray, just praise.
-umm. Don't ya think that's a little pathetic?

Today, I want this message to go across the world before midnight.
- you better get to work then.

Will you help?
-not likely. As I said I'm pretty busy.

Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of.
-I'll scratch your back and you'll scratch mine eh?

Just dare Me!
-I dare you

A blessing is coming your way.
-sure

Please drop everything & pass it on.
-fuck man. I told you I'm busy. I got me one of those jobs. Because I gotta eat. Give me Eden back and we can talk.

Tomorrow will be the best day of your life.
- yeah if you fucking give me Eden.

Why do we feel sleepy in prayer, but stay awake through a 3 hour movie?
-because prayer is not entertaining.

Why are we so bored when we look at the HOLY BOOK but find it easy to read other books?
-same reason.

Why is it so easy to ignore a message about God, yet we forward the nasty ones?
-because the idea is god is stupid and people are assholes.

Why are prayers getting smaller, but bars and clubs are expanding?
-same answer as the movies and books

Why is it so easy to worship a celebrity, but very difficult to engage with God?
-it's pretty dumb to worship celebrities but at least they exist.

Think about it, are you going to forward this or are you going to ignore it because you think you will get laughed at?
-I will get laughed at but that's not why I won't forward it.

Forward this to all your friends.
-naw

80% of you won't.
-I know I won't

God said if you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you on the day of judgment.
-can't convince me so you'll threaten me. That's a pretty smart move but it won't work.

When one door closes , God opens two.
-I usually just close or open all the doors. No point in opening one and closing another.

If God has opened doors for you, send this message to everyone.
-and what if I opened my own doors?

God has no BLACKBERRY but he's my favorite contact.
-yeah gods probably an iPhone type fellow.

He is not on FACEBOOK but he is my best friend.
-actually he is on Facebook

He is not on TWITTER but I still follow Him,
-yeah. He's on Twitter as well.

and even without the INTERNET I am always connected to him.
-that's pretty cool. So are you guys using a landline or does god have some super tech the rest of us are unaware of?

He is not on gmail but he's always online.
-but not on the internet. Right?

Forward if God's been good to you!
-what if he keeps fucking my shit up?

Have a great day!"
-I'll try but I'm a little depressed now that I'm aware that some creepy pathetic guy wants me to spend a half hour with him everyday. That plus you want me to do your work of spreading shit even though I've explained that I have a job. Your fault by the way.
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09-07-2014, 06:08 AM
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
Quote:My name is God. You hardly have time for me.
Isn't it true that you existed for an eternity before deciding to create anything? Then you create the universe and wait billions of years before creating earth, and then wait millions of years to create humans? Seems like we're pretty low on your priority list as well.

Quote:I need you to spend 30 minutes of your time with Me today.
Being perfect and all-powerful. why would you "need" anything?

Quote:Today, I want this message to go across the world before midnight. Will you help?
Being perfect and all-powerful. why would you need my help? You want it to happen, then make it happen.

Quote:Why are we so bored when we look at the HOLY BOOK but find it easy to read other books?
Because they sound just like the bedtime fairy tales we heard as kids?

Quote:Forward this to all your friends. 80% of you won't.
So do it yourself all-mighty one!

Quote:God has no BLACKBERRY...He is not on FACEBOOK...He is not on TWITTER...He is not on gmail...
So the being who created the universe can't learn basic computer skills? Fat chance!
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09-07-2014, 06:11 AM
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
(08-07-2014 02:36 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  My family thinks this kind of made-up crap is perfectly worthy and acceptable to pass around Rainbow Vomit

"My name is God. You hardly have time for me. I love you and will always bless you. I am always with you. I need you to spend 30 minutes of your time with Me today. Don't pray, just praise. Today, I want this message to go across the world before midnight. Will you help? Please do not cut it and I'll help you with something that you are in need of. Just dare Me! A blessing is coming your way. Please drop everything & pass it on. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Why do we feel sleepy in prayer, but stay awake through a 3 hour movie? Why are we so bored when we look at the HOLY BOOK but find it easy to read other books? Why is it so easy to ignore a message about God, yet we forward the nasty ones? Why are prayers getting smaller, but bars and clubs are expanding? Why is it so easy to worship a celebrity, but very difficult to engage with God? Think about it, are you going to forward this or are you going to ignore it because you think you will get laughed at? Forward this to all your friends. 80% of you won't. God said if you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny you on the day of judgment. When one door closes , God opens two. If God has opened doors for you, send this message to everyone. God has no BLACKBERRY but he's my favorite contact. He is not on FACEBOOK but he is my best friend. He is not on TWITTER but I still follow Him, and even without the INTERNET I am always connected to him. He is not on gmail but he's always online. Forward if God's been good to you!

Have a great day!"

Weeping

Reading that was painful.

"If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story." Orson Welles
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09-07-2014, 06:17 AM
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
(08-07-2014 08:33 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  The one I really want to tell go and fuck themselves is the person who came up with this shit. Probably somebody pissed off that they pray and praise and grovel to their imaginary friend without results. They then see others who don't that have a newer car or nicer boobs or whatever and it just boils their ass.

This is their wishful thinking of saying what they hope their deity would say. I think people like this would absofuckinlutely love to be standing next to their benevolent God while it rains down a shitstrom on everyone else. Fucking Teacher's Pet. They weren't popular in school, they aren't popular now and it just grinds on them.

Offtopic Also why some people become police officers and politicians. Tongue
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09-07-2014, 10:00 AM
RE: Another apologetic, made up, sob story making the rounds
So either God got a Facebook page or its just another dick turd assuming to know God's will.
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