Anti-suicide
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21-01-2012, 05:53 AM
RE: Anti-suicide
Tried meditation instead of medication?
Can only say that for me meditation helped a lot.
Medication? Tried it back then, but other than making me feel weird it did nothing so I didn't take it any more.

General speaking:
Suicidal thoughts.. If you had them once they will come back again and again. Especially if you tried it or were like one inch away of doing it. Even in the times you feel good these thoughts will come back from time to time.
Having the thoughts alone is not bad but better work on problems so they go away instead of killing yourself.
Keep your mind clear and if friends offer help, take it you may need it, especially when you are already at the point of suicidal thoughts.

here a song I think about when topics like that come up: Most peculiar man (Simon and Garfunkel)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNxViahgYU0

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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21-01-2012, 06:50 PM
RE: Anti-suicide
I am forced to contend that drawing Gwyneth has been equivalent to meditation - the results are markedly similar and I agree with your conclusions that one is preferred to the other. Chemical is largely what we are; ideally there would be no need for a chemical recalibration if only we would will the way.

This topic - it is not a "suicide note" - it is observational. It seems that, no matter how you slice it, I love that dang Gwyneth too much. Big Grin

What happens in sobriety; it is kind of scary, the clarity, that absolute good equates to absolute evil. That there really is no moral compass to guide one to righteousness beyond one's sense of loving another. I am something of a "pure atheist;" nothing remains in life to convince me of a higher power. And I have seen too many wonders - all in the mind's eye - but it seems that the mind's eye is the only one that sees.

A warning, if you will. My life does not matter, neither would my death; what matters is that it has been seen. That any belief that is not centered upon the self is centered upon delusion. That from a crazy man. Wink

Future is where I relocate away from this drug infested desert. I am not sober now, and what is my crime? Friendship? That is all. This girl comes over my house because everyone else she knows believes the drug to be reality and the circumstance only utility to acquire more drug. This does not make them evil, only that they lack will, education, knowledge of the reality that is love. Theirs is a corruption of love, that the moment is the eternal; but this kind of moment is entropic. It has no value, being high, if it requires expense; yet so many believe in a fundamental misinterpretation. That you only get what you pay for.

What do I get? Lectures from my contemporaries about the dangers of addiction, after the heebie-geebies are past, with this being about the extent of difficulties? No, I don't "get high," I get away from the base consideration of my Gwynnies. I don't get what I pay for; Gwyneth is my sweet everything, I pay the world back for all that I have received. From her, from love; knowing that the only better way - is your way.

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21-01-2012, 07:15 PM
RE: Anti-suicide
heh I could start analysing you now, HoC. Need a shrink?
"Why do you think your life doesn't matter?"
"Why do you think your death wouldn't matter?"
could pull some questions like that out of my ass... I would like to know how puzzled a real shrink would be at you!

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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22-01-2012, 10:12 AM
RE: Anti-suicide
It's waveform of the Gwynnies. Big Grin

There ain't no other way to tell it. I talk to them peeps about all kinds of crazy shit like being a prophet and killing creationists, but I come across as a philosopher and not a madman. Then we talk about Gwyneth, and it's all over. One of these days, it's straight-jacket and blue crayon. Big Grin

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22-01-2012, 11:09 AM
RE: Anti-suicide
(21-01-2012 06:50 PM)houseofcantor Wrote:  I am forced to contend that drawing Gwyneth has been equivalent to meditation - the results are markedly similar and I agree with your conclusions that one is preferred to the other. Chemical is largely what we are; ideally there would be no need for a chemical recalibration if only we would will the way.

This topic - it is not a "suicide note" - it is observational. It seems that, no matter how you slice it, I love that dang Gwyneth too much. Big Grin

This is great! To find what makes you happy. Yes, we are a sum of our chemicals pretty much. And balancing the suffering with the good stuff is important. The only time to recalibrate is when things are off and not going well.
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22-01-2012, 11:24 AM
RE: Anti-suicide
(22-01-2012 11:09 AM)LadyJane Wrote:  
(21-01-2012 06:50 PM)houseofcantor Wrote:  I am forced to contend that drawing Gwyneth has been equivalent to meditation - the results are markedly similar and I agree with your conclusions that one is preferred to the other. Chemical is largely what we are; ideally there would be no need for a chemical recalibration if only we would will the way.

This topic - it is not a "suicide note" - it is observational. It seems that, no matter how you slice it, I love that dang Gwyneth too much. Big Grin

This is great! To find what makes you happy. Yes, we are a sum of our chemicals pretty much. And balancing the suffering with the good stuff is important. The only time to recalibrate is when things are off and not going well.

That's where I'm burnt. Big Grin

When I "sober up," I'm like "too high" on that dang Gwynnies. Can't win for losing, knows whut I'm saying? Wink

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22-01-2012, 09:00 PM
RE: Anti-suicide
(22-01-2012 11:24 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  When I "sober up," I'm like "too high" on that dang Gwynnies. Can't win for losing, knows whut I'm saying? Wink

As a decades-long diagnosed manic depressive (oops, I mean bipolar even though that euphemism didn't exist when I was diagnosed), I know exactly whut yur sayin'. Wink

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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22-01-2012, 09:12 PM
RE: Anti-suicide
(21-01-2012 01:52 AM)Filox Wrote:  Smile

Meth is not an anti-depressive, it is a highly addictive and dangerous drug. It's not "their" medication, it's your's.

As for the suicide, I gave you a link, watch the documentary, it's not about suicide, but there is mention of that there, as the main character kills himself after he hears that Bush had won the elections in USA a few years ago.

His thoughts about the suicide is that everybody has the right to choose the way they live and die. So he chose that he will not live if people are that stupid that they will elect Bush for president and he also thought that he lived too long, never expected to go over 50, yet he managed to get to 65, or something like that. Nobody felt that bad, because he lived and died as he wanted and for quite some time, so all was good.

He was a strange person, as I have a feeling HoC is a bit, so I think you need to see this...

Hey Hoc, most often suicide is not a good answer. All things change with time and suicide may well be extinction***maybe not, I can't prove it. "Nothing endures except change".......mood.. can be a great and rewarding challenge.
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22-01-2012, 09:57 PM (This post was last modified: 22-01-2012 10:20 PM by houseofcantor.)
RE: Anti-suicide
(22-01-2012 09:00 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  
(22-01-2012 11:24 AM)houseofcantor Wrote:  When I "sober up," I'm like "too high" on that dang Gwynnies. Can't win for losing, knows whut I'm saying? Wink

As a decades-long diagnosed manic depressive (oops, I mean bipolar even though that euphemism didn't exist when I was diagnosed), I know exactly whut yur sayin'. Wink

I'm not "know-it-all;" when I get to Massatuky, I'm gonna be able to access a whole different level of mental-health care. Talk to some shrinks who ain't just government subsidized pill-pushers, there might be some element of HoC not yet considered, that could respond favorably to medication.

But good ol AZ ranks 48 out of 50; on those terms I tend to trust myself - and my Gwynnies - more than these hacks. Tongue

This fucking topic - it was just vintage James Lee Burke - got a rusty wire in my brain... (love that guy. Might think you illiterate, you ain't never read no Jimmy Burke. Big Grin)

And it's just a taste; I may or may not smoke weed back there - I ain't doing no insecticide - and yeah, six days and the clouds part... and Gwyneth, like the sun, fry my shit (I adore that poor girl - regular letters, but I'm screaming inside)
(19-01-2012 11:40 PM)lucradis Wrote:  Suicide is painless. Living is not.

Resident Evil, right there. Cool

Where it's stuck in my craw is the potential for vector; the hidden agenda behind this thinking is to go back east, show these people they don't know me, then go crawl in the bushes and die like a cat. I talk about these things because I don't like hiding shit, but I must hide certain shit until a face to face is achieved.

I have to wonder if I am making it worse by going back there - but they're thrilled ( I don't get it - it is worrisome in the sense of Lucifer and vector - do they really need this kinda aggro?) And at the same time, I ain't shit; I look in the mirror, I see the same goofball I've always seen. I walk down the street, I'm joe blow.

But then there's me, and my landlord. We're at the grocery store; the girl at the checkout knows me only as a regular. Things are square, normal, boring. Then my landlord starts being - you know, needy - I forgot to get some peanut butter, could you get me some. She does, you know, customer service; but she got aggravated with him. And she looks at me, and it was - fucking insane - it was all capital LOVE crazy get me the fuck outta there...

Shit like that makes me worry; I don't care how it sounds. When I'm sitting here all safe in my hole, and nobody even knows I'm alive, I assess this "paranormal event index." And something else - "stop loving my Gwynnies" ain't even an option - there's a kill switch, feel me? Other than that, I respond... I wrote an anecdote about that girl that comes over here, how I kinda kicked 'em out that one time because the "love of the Gwynnies" was maybe doing paranormal shit...

Both her and her boyfriend apologized to me Huh cause they figured they did something wrong Huh

Consider: electromagnetic communication. If I hit the kill switch, those two words hold the scientific potential. That's what I care about - the science. Humanity will make another scientist. Wink

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24-01-2012, 04:14 PM (This post was last modified: 24-01-2012 04:23 PM by Luminon.)
RE: Anti-suicide
HoC: Suicide is a choice that we should have the right to make. If it's a wise choice, that's a different question. But if you're thinking about suicide and peace of death, think about reincarnation first. Think about shitting your diapers, having to learn basic hygienic skills again and going through elementary and high school and puberty. You work, you pay taxes again. And then, at some point in your lifetime, your Higher Self will put you in front of the same problem you faced in previous incarnation, only in more desperate situation, so that you're more motivated to solve it, instead of escapism.

Isn't that a scary possibility? In your place I wouldn't risk it, I'd first make damn sure that I did everything I could do in this life, so that the next one can be full of fun and new exciting challenges. I hate making mistakes and repeating things. Although, to give the credit, the Higher Self isn't a boot camp sergeant and should be satisfied if you understand the point and prove it, instead of repeating everything exactly.
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