Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
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09-06-2012, 04:44 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
OK, looks like internet forums are full of the introverted folks. We are born and dispersed regularly in population, far away from each other. So we invented the net and here we are. Yay!

Lucradis (OP) : I had actually read on this topic heavily in the past months. You're introverted. It's not a personality flaw, it's the way your brain is wired, how much stimuli (sounds, lights, faces...) you can handle before it becomes uncomfortable. What you describe is typical, you getting away from people for a week or just a couple of days. You should read more on the topic and understand that it's your nature and many other people's nature as well.
We really need people around us, only sometimes, not all the time. But when we need them at the moment, they won't magically show up. And they won't magically disappear either, when they become too much to handle Tongue

I actually like a comparison, extroverts are like solar panels, they recharge outside and lose power inside. Introverts are like batteries, they recharge at home and when they go out they spend their limited power.




I'm introverted too, with all certainity also Asperger's syndrome as well. I do not maintain personal or social contacts. I have no idea why, when and how. But mostly why. I'd welcome an opportunity or common grounds to meet, but without that common interest or activity I don't see any justification of a contact, family or friends. What I am supposed to do, make a call, then show up, hi, here I am, but I have no idea why, let's sit together, sip coffee and talk about nothing. I might as well be sleepwalking to people's houses. OK, maybe the other people's feelings are a reason to show up. But really up to now I haven't been thinking about that. What a strange idea. How I'm supposed to know how they feel? What, I'm supposed to make rounds and see who's in a social mood at the moment? That's crazy.

OK, I can be spontaneous, have fun and enjoy people's company, but I have to be intensely drunk. And the mornings aren't worth it. I can handle it only a couple times per year.
I guess we all need a place where we really belong, where we can do what we're really good at, make a difference and meet our fellows of similar age and mindset and not similar gender. Physically, not on the net. Until then, life will be a chore.

Yes, exercise is important for keeping the depression at bay. I'm not a fan of meds either. But you Luc sound like you might use some meditation instead. Meditate so deeply that weird shit starts happening. So deeply that boredom disappears, thoughts become sluggish and maybe you get a mystical experience or two. Lose your ego, even if for a moment. I know peace and love sounds cheesy, but in the meditation they may come to you as the real thing, spontaneously. No words, but the actual experience. And it may give you re-visits of the same in your daily life. Periods when you are your better self instead of your normal or worse self.


Dragon-Wolf: Yes, earplugs are our friends! Can't sleep without them.

If you claim there are nuances to principles, there are no nuances to getting arrested or shot for disobeying the power.
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09-06-2012, 05:16 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
It's funny because sometimes I crave contact, like I'm deficient.

Usually I crave alone time though, more so since I had my kid. I assume that's because she's annoying. Lovely but annoying hahah.

I also find the convention of social gatherings confusing. I've been to many and still go to a decent number, but I've never been able to figure out why people want to gather. Obviously there are ancient evolutionary reasons, but we aren't cavemen anymore so for what reason do we feel this need to be in large groups. I don't mind smaller gatherings with people I enjoy talking too, but I'd rather not drink, or be otherwise intoxicated. I'd rather actually have an intelligent conversation no matter how juvenile the subject matter. If that makes sense.

Often I find that the larger the group the dumber and more pointless the evening. Also louder. Yes I sometimes crave the large dumb hullabaloo that can only happen with the involvement of alcohol. But I don't know why.

One thing that always struck me as ridiculous is when people socialize with people they don't enjoy socializing with. My wife does it all the time. I almost never do. If I don't like someone I just don't talk to them. It's simple. If they ask why, I say 'I don't like you' and then we move on with our lives. But my wife can't do that. She will continue relationships with virtually anyone.
I don't blame her, because really most people do this. I just wish she could tell me why. I've asked and she always agrees that it is really annoying and pointless to carry on a conversation with someone who irritates you. But she says she feels compelled.
I get the reasons in the workplace, and the occasional social gathering where it could make for some unneeded awkwardness. But the rest of life is yours and yours alone. Why over burden it with idiots?

The length of time I can stand being n a loud environment is entirely dependent on the situation. Also the music. I hate club music, but it doesn't bother me as much as some stuff that often gets played at parties.

Funny story is I met my wife at a club. I've never been big on clubs, I dislike the usual attendees, and I dislike the music. I'm not a big drinker and I wasn't at the time I met her either. I didn't want to go, but my buddy called me up (woke me up to) at 12 practically begging me to go as wing man. I understand the role of buddy, so I relented and went.
I was pretty miserable the majority of the time, the club was not a good club, and after the third babysitting the drunk girl experience I was about ready to bail.
But my buddy was getting jiggy with a lady and so I went to wing man her friends. And there she was. Just as miserable looking as me. We hit it off. I found out after that she hadn't wanted to go that night either. Not that she isn't a social creature because she very much so is. But just that night she really wasn't into it.

So yes, social situations can definitely have their rewards, but it's sometimes hard to see with all those negatives blocking my view.

I've come to love my angry hulk gif signature, because it makes everything I write seem funny.

Argh!

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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09-06-2012, 08:34 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
(09-06-2012 05:16 PM)lucradis Wrote:  It's funny because sometimes I crave contact, like I'm deficient.

Usually I crave alone time though, more so since I had my kid. I assume that's because she's annoying. Lovely but annoying hahah.

I also find the convention of social gatherings confusing. I've been to many and still go to a decent number, but I've never been able to figure out why people want to gather. Obviously there are ancient evolutionary reasons, but we aren't cavemen anymore so for what reason do we feel this need to be in large groups. I don't mind smaller gatherings with people I enjoy talking too, but I'd rather not drink, or be otherwise intoxicated. I'd rather actually have an intelligent conversation no matter how juvenile the subject matter. If that makes sense.

Often I find that the larger the group the dumber and more pointless the evening. Also louder. Yes I sometimes crave the large dumb hullabaloo that can only happen with the involvement of alcohol. But I don't know why.

One thing that always struck me as ridiculous is when people socialize with people they don't enjoy socializing with. My wife does it all the time. I almost never do. If I don't like someone I just don't talk to them. It's simple. If they ask why, I say 'I don't like you' and then we move on with our lives. But my wife can't do that. She will continue relationships with virtually anyone.
I don't blame her, because really most people do this. I just wish she could tell me why. I've asked and she always agrees that it is really annoying and pointless to carry on a conversation with someone who irritates you. But she says she feels compelled.
I get the reasons in the workplace, and the occasional social gathering where it could make for some unneeded awkwardness. But the rest of life is yours and yours alone. Why over burden it with idiots?

The length of time I can stand being n a loud environment is entirely dependent on the situation. Also the music. I hate club music, but it doesn't bother me as much as some stuff that often gets played at parties.

Funny story is I met my wife at a club. I've never been big on clubs, I dislike the usual attendees, and I dislike the music. I'm not a big drinker and I wasn't at the time I met her either. I didn't want to go, but my buddy called me up (woke me up to) at 12 practically begging me to go as wing man. I understand the role of buddy, so I relented and went.
I was pretty miserable the majority of the time, the club was not a good club, and after the third babysitting the drunk girl experience I was about ready to bail.
But my buddy was getting jiggy with a lady and so I went to wing man her friends. And there she was. Just as miserable looking as me. We hit it off. I found out after that she hadn't wanted to go that night either. Not that she isn't a social creature because she very much so is. But just that night she really wasn't into it.

So yes, social situations can definitely have their rewards, but it's sometimes hard to see with all those negatives blocking my view.

I've come to love my angry hulk gif signature, because it makes everything I write seem funny.

Argh!

Re your remarks relating to peeps socializing with others who they don't like; read an article about 'frenemies' people some of us mix with to feel part of things, even if the frenemies drive them mad. As far as socializing with groups in cafes I find that one or two or more tend to want to hog all of the conversation; even when more intoverted types get a few words in edge ways these people come across as not listening and chomping at the bit to' have their say' again and again and again.

I see a good converation as involving mutual input and respect, not sessions where oft time empty vessels utilize the ears of others as incubators for their obsessive egos...............I tend to agree with Sartes claim that "Hell is other people" thought this seems rather an over statement.
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10-06-2012, 01:29 AM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
Praise the Lord for bringing you and She-hulk together against all odds.

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10-06-2012, 01:47 AM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
That reminds me... One day I went to a gym on the dorm to exercise alone. No need to catch a ball, no need to kick or throw it accurately, no need to get shot with it. Just me, physical suffering and The Thinking Atheist podcast. (and ocassional psytrance music)

Then I went to return the keys to the large gym hall where my fellow dorm dwellers were playing volleyball. One stocky Spanish girl called at me to join them. I said I don't like the game. She said she doesn't like it either, so I should come and play.

WTF?

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10-06-2012, 03:47 AM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I am not very social most of the time.
I kind of trained myself to a more social behavior.
Like normally I hate to meet new people, especially many new people. Not afraid, just not interested. I used to get very uncomfortable in big crowds, but I managed to get over that.

I keep a few well chosen people around. People who are smart so I can have a good conversation, a good laugh, or whatever. With those very few people I can be very social and I am happy when I meet them on the street.
But people like coworkers or the sales person from the supermarket... I just don't care about them. They have a job to fulfill and I am thankful if they do it well, other than that I don't care and I don't want to see them.

The best there is for me, to just stay at home or find a quiet place outside that is nice, where I can be for myself or with my hubby who is kinda like me when it comes to these things.

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10-06-2012, 08:32 AM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I'm fairly social but I really value my alone time. I do not understand people that have to be with others all the time.

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19-01-2013, 02:34 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I am not social either, but when I meet people who share the same thoughts and tastes, I like to socialize. I can relate to what you wrote, loud people drive me insane, I can't stand the noise they make.

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19-01-2013, 03:02 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I'm not very social, and I've stopped trying to be. Seems like a waste of time to me. I can get along with people if I have to, but I don't choose to, and I don't seek out the company of others. I feel like the reason I did so in the past was peer pressure. I wanted to be around people because that's what normal people do. Now I just accept I'm not a normal person, and I am much happier because of it. It's a matter of different people valuing different things. My mom used to give me shit because I don't socialize or gossip or talk on the phone, because her entire self-worth is based on social things and she can't fathom why mine is not.
Quote: It's not a fear thing with groups of people, I just have an issue with needless noise and fabricated personalities.
^This. I cannot deal with a lot of brainless small talk, fake laughter, and having to pretend to like people. But some people apparently live for that sort of thing. Parties and social gatherings are like a vision of hell for me for this reason. I'd rather sit at home with the dogs and watch Star Trek.

One thing I like about the internet is that now, if someone bores or annoys me, I just close the tab and they disappear. Can't do that as easily in real life. And that's why most of my conversations take place online these days.

I even hate phones. I just recently got a phone and I use it for 2 things: making doctor appts, and ordering pizza. I do not have conversations on it, though I've exchanged texts saying things like "What time will you be here?" if a friend is coming from out of town or something.
Quote: I think I probably have high levels of testosterone because working out
has always made me more aggressive. I used to work out 5 days a week,
and run seven. It was my thing, along with smoking the ganja. The worst
was if I ever missed a day, I'd be a prick all day.
I'm a girl but I've always suspected I have higher than average levels of testosterone, but haven't been tested. I used to run seven days a week too. Even if I had the flu, I'd walk several miles a night because I just couldn't miss a day. But it certainly made me more aggressive, all the exercise. (Now i have some glandular problems and I can't run due to osteopenia, so I ride an exercise bike. I don't do it as obsessively though.) I always felt like my moods were more volatile when I worked out a lot. Sometimes I would be very angry or very depressed, and other times I felt like Godzilla, I felt so great I just wanted to crush whole cities underfoot. I kinda feel saner now. ^_^
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19-01-2013, 06:13 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I feel ya, bro. Drinking Beverage

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