Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
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07-06-2012, 07:25 PM
Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I'm a rather antisocial person. I always have been, though in my younger years I hid it because it wasn't "normal". I don't like big crowds of people, to the point where these days when there is a lot of noise or a lot of people around me I get really angry.
The antisocial behavior has excelled in my older age and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a wife and kid, I'd already be a hermit.
Part of me, a small part, sometimes wishes I was more social. More "normal". I am a people watcher (from afar) and every so often I will see people meet by accident in public and seem really cheery to have run into one another. I can't figure it out. I hate running into people I know when I'm doing stuff. I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I avoid at all costs. But when I see other people do it, I feel a pang of jealousy at their apparent ease with one another.
When I was a teenager I was a trouble maker, and I had a ton of friends, but every once in a while I felt like I needed a people vacation and I would lock myself away for a week. No contact outside of school, when I chose to attend. I would occasionally anger someone due to unanswered phone calls. I never knew how people could feel the need for constant contact. With the invention of facebook and cell phones, that need seems to have intensified and further distanced me from people.
My family gets mad at me for a lack of contact via these methods, no matter how many times I tell them I dislike constant contact. I find it irritating to have to always tell everyone what I'm doing.

For those of you who are social butterflies, I have to ask how you do it. And tell you that you do something better than me that you probably weren't even aware was actually hard.

My outlook on things has also taken a nose dive as of recent. There are reasons behind this but I'm not sharing. I don't usually consider myself to be negative, but instead more of a realist. I don't sugar coat things but usually feel relaxed about things. not so these days. I'm known for depressive dips. Highs and lows and what have you. But I'm so familiar with them, I manage myself quite well most of the time. I am aware of my highs and my lows and can usually adjust to them so that no one else is aware. But I can't seem to get out of my funk. I refuse to medicate, and I don't self medicate anymore nor am I going to.
How do you people get your heads up without assistance medically?

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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07-06-2012, 07:59 PM (This post was last modified: 07-06-2012 08:13 PM by aurora.)
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
Sad to hear, Luc Sad

I have always been quite a social person. From a very young age I was into dancing (ballet first then jazz...) and playing sports which I suppose helps in every aspect of being social so other than that I have no idea why I am the way I am Undecided My father was quite a social person which may be a reason...

Do you have a fear or is it just a dislike of people? Are your parents the same?

Are you looking for answers or are you okay/happy with the way you are?

EDIT: Having said all that, now that I'm older I'm quite happy with my own company as I think I've had enough socializing to last a life time! Big Grin

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07-06-2012, 08:01 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I am a loner and am fine with it. Six years living here and I don't know anyone outside of people that I have worked with and I seldom keep in contact with them.

I can do the small talk thing but that's probably a learned thing from my time as a bartender.

Some of us don't need people around us...I would be quite content if I could afford to live alone...since hubby and I work different shifts I have been able to stand being married.

Not everyone is made to be a people person. My daughters have to have a large group of people that they are in constant contact with. My son is like me and is content to be a loner.

I do NOT envy social butterflies...not my gig.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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07-06-2012, 08:09 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I hate you.

"All that is necessary for the triumph of Calvinism is that good Atheists do nothing." ~Eric Oh My
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07-06-2012, 08:30 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
(07-06-2012 07:25 PM)lucradis Wrote:  I'm a rather antisocial person. I always have been, though in my younger years I hid it because it wasn't "normal". I don't like big crowds of people, to the point where these days when there is a lot of noise or a lot of people around me I get really angry.
The antisocial behavior has excelled in my older age and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a wife and kid, I'd already be a hermit.
Part of me, a small part, sometimes wishes I was more social. More "normal". I am a people watcher (from afar) and every so often I will see people meet by accident in public and seem really cheery to have run into one another. I can't figure it out. I hate running into people I know when I'm doing stuff. I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I avoid at all costs. But when I see other people do it, I feel a pang of jealousy at their apparent ease with one another.
When I was a teenager I was a trouble maker, and I had a ton of friends, but every once in a while I felt like I needed a people vacation and I would lock myself away for a week. No contact outside of school, when I chose to attend. I would occasionally anger someone due to unanswered phone calls. I never knew how people could feel the need for constant contact. With the invention of facebook and cell phones, that need seems to have intensified and further distanced me from people.
My family gets mad at me for a lack of contact via these methods, no matter how many times I tell them I dislike constant contact. I find it irritating to have to always tell everyone what I'm doing.

For those of you who are social butterflies, I have to ask how you do it. And tell you that you do something better than me that you probably weren't even aware was actually hard.

My outlook on things has also taken a nose dive as of recent. There are reasons behind this but I'm not sharing. I don't usually consider myself to be negative, but instead more of a realist. I don't sugar coat things but usually feel relaxed about things. not so these days. I'm known for depressive dips. Highs and lows and what have you. But I'm so familiar with them, I manage myself quite well most of the time. I am aware of my highs and my lows and can usually adjust to them so that no one else is aware. But I can't seem to get out of my funk. I refuse to medicate, and I don't self medicate anymore nor am I going to.
How do you people get your heads up without assistance medically?


Can relate to much of what you say.

When i was a kid I was painfully shy and things didn't improve much uptrack....felt sort of inferior and turned to booze, prescription drugs, and sex. Life was, sort of making the puppet me work.... no spontanaety and a lot of depression.

Didn't get to Uni till my thirties, still feeling alein in many ways, and socializing a dread thing not a fun thing.....

Now many years down track, have found one or two I can converse with who are on wave length, so to speak and don't worry about not being the greatest socializer
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07-06-2012, 08:40 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I can be a social butterfly if I want to, and in my youth I was. Now I prefer being alone. I can go for weeks without seeing a soul and it doesn't bother me a bit. But I can also go to a convention and mingle and meet a hundred new people in a few days and socialize day and night.

How do I do it? I don't know. When I am with another person, I encourage them to talk and am genuinely interested in what they have to say. If I don't like the topic, I change it. It's natural to me.

I was always the diplomat when growing up. I settled disputes between kids at school, got bullies to quit bothering my friends, was the go between for teachers and kids when there was trouble.

One person who worked for me said that I was the only person they knew who could fire someone and at the end of the conversation have them thank me profusely. That's an exaggeration of course, but I do know how to talk to people. And I hate firing people.

But what I like is being alone with my dogs. And before my husband passed I liked being alone with him. He was the same, we were both kind of loners.

Mostly I don't like all the drama that comes with people. The friends I do keep don't do drama.

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07-06-2012, 09:53 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
Dom,
I sure agree with your drama statement, I have said the same thing myself. I have had all the drama in my life that I could ever need, and then some. Even the drama my daughter's create exhausts me.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF
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07-06-2012, 09:56 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
man wtf - i'm in a similar boat lately, i've been depressed and overly negative but I am not usually this way.
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07-06-2012, 10:04 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
Welcome to the world of the INTROVERT Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Nothing wrong with that!

[Image: introvertbyself.jpg]


[Image: introvertathome.jpg]

[Image: introvertleavealone.jpg]


[Image: introvert.jpg]





When I was in HS I was a huge introvert. I was also shy (not necessarily hand in hand with being introverted, but that was me) and because of this combo I was often called a bitch Sad It totally sucked because it made me even more introverted. I am the furthest thing from a bitch and the few people that took the time to figure it out became great friends. I guess it was a good way to weed out the tards.

After high school I went to school to be a child and youth councillor and was forced to do things that are against my nature (public speaking, group work, leading, etc). These were great skills to acquire and I can pull it off if I have to but I do NOT enjoy it ever, even now. Ick!

The biggest thing I learned about introvert/extrovert is that for an extrovert a crowd of people will energize and pump them up and staying home brings them the F down and makes them angry. So, the opposite for an introvert.

Sometimes when I force myself to go out to a shindig I do leave feeling good and connected even though I dragged my heels getting there.

I think it's important to respect oneself and their personality character of being introverted, but I also think completely cutting off is not healthy either. Sometimes it's good to force oneself and feel uncomfortable to socialize or do things, in the end it is healthy. Same for an extrovert to force themselves to stay home and reconnect with themselves- you know the type that does everything with everyone and you think they should calm the F down because they missed a million appointments from being so damn busy (makes my head hurt).

Boundaries and respect are a must and controlling the situation as much as possible is important too, so as not to get overwhelmed. Re: EXIT plan. Always have an exit plan for if you're overwhelmed, especially with situations you know won't jive well (maybe inlaws, coworkers, etc).


As far as being low, I am not a medication fan either (unless bipolar or something else a bit more severe for depression). Exercise has been a life saver for me. When I don't exercise I get grumpier and more negative. Choosing a solo exercise, of course, is the best. Not sure if this works for everyone, but for me talk-therapy helped a lot. Basically after several sessions I have learned to have those boundaries and to let go of anything I couldn't control (less worry and anxiety).
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08-06-2012, 09:11 AM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
It's not a fear thing with groups of people, I just have an issue with needless noise and fabricated personalities.
One things that really chaps my ass is loud obnoxious people. I try my best to control my anger as I am aware that some people are just noisy and don't actually intend on offending anyone, but sometimes I get so irritated I say something.

Remnants of the past me. I have never had a fear of confrontation or social situations. Just as with authority I have always been sort of blase. I could care less, until I have a reason to care. Then I care a lot. It's almost as if I've become more sensitive to contact and sound. I used to, be a raging hormone. One big bomb. I worked out a lot then too, which did not help my testosterone levels. Now I'm much more in control of myself, and part of me thinks that might be responsible to a small degree. As if since I don't scrap anymore, I have no vent. So it all boils, and then just keeps boiling until there's no water left to boil. Whereas I used to explode and then I'd be in a great mood until the next day.

Or you know I'd smoke... then I'd be good till it wore off, which over time became less and less time, and more and more smoke.

I know I'm too touchy, and remind myself often, which is really how I get through the days. I know most people aren't thinking what I'm thinking.

I'm sort of thinking while I type, and I keep writing something then deleting it, then writing something else, so one train of thought might be intertwining with others in not such a concise manner. Apologies.

As for exercising to make me feel better, well that actually has science behind it to prove it truthiness. (thanks Mr. Colbert.)
But for me it has always been a temporary thing. I think I probably have high levels of testosterone because working out has always made me more aggressive. I used to work out 5 days a week, and run seven. It was my thing, along with smoking the ganja. The worst was if I ever missed a day, I'd be a prick all day.

I know when the weather is nice and I get to spend all day outside my mood is a thousand times better, and the more annoying things in life don't bother me as much. But it's not nice here very often. Even during the summer. Lame. I need the suns vitamins. They give me peace. Supplements will not do, my body knows the difference.

Anyways its good to know there are others out there, who are introverted, and still functional. Depression is a common thing amongst people, but people don't like to talk about it. I don't mind talking about it, as I know it's common.

My auto-correct is driving me nuts today, it keeps correcting my spelling with the same spelling. Derp.

Thanks for listening folks. You fine people you.

"I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments." -Jim Morrison
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