Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
20-01-2013, 10:10 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
Lud, I'm an introvert too. There is a great book called Quiet; The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. It's got a lot of good coping strategies for people who have to extrovert for jobs or relationships or whatever. It's a great read also on how extroversion got to be the preferred type in America (the cult of personality).

You are not alone in your aloneness. I prefer it too but am forced to interact with others all day at work. I just have to make the best of it, and sometimes now I enjoy it. Good luck to you.

Godless in the Magnolia State
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes cjs's post
21-01-2013, 12:10 PM (This post was last modified: 21-01-2013 01:03 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
(07-06-2012 08:40 PM)Dom Wrote:  I can be a social butterfly if I want to, and in my youth I was. Now I prefer being alone.

Me too, Dom. Now I got enough inane voices going on in my own head that I really don't think adding any outside ones would be all that productive.

Girly's got an anecdote to at least try and cheer you up Pennywise.

Bob and his boss were sitting in DFW waiting for our plane to board. Some gorgeous blond catches Bossman's eye. He whispers to me "I sure hope I get to sit next to her, Robert." "Yeah, whatever Phil." Girly boards before Phil and lo and behold I'm sitting next to the fetching woman. Phil gives me the evil eye as he goes to his seat further back. After we deplane Phil grabs me and says "So what'd you 2 talk about?" "Whaddya' mean, Phil?" "The woman sitting next to you, what'd you talk about." "She tried to strike up a conversation and I just looked at her and said, 'I don't even like talking to my own family, why would I want to talk to you?' " Phil never treated me quite the same after that. Big Grin

Nothing wrong with being introverted, I just try not to be Misanthropik ... eeer, I mean misanthropic.

Breathing - it's more art than science.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like GirlyMan's post
21-01-2013, 12:44 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
This describes me pretty well also. I'm very nonsocial, and prefer to meet with very small groups of friends in controlled places. Even that makes me anxious and exhausted. For social people, social contact is energizing, while for me and others like me, social contact is exhausting. Lots of people seem to have difficulty understanding this. Here's a video series on the issue (still in production I think) that's really helpful.













We live in a world that is tailored for extroverts. People are groomed to be extroverts. Everyone is expected to be highly social.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 3 users Like kineo's post
21-01-2013, 01:29 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I think what I dislike most about being unsociable is that social people always want to change you. Like they don't believe you. Like they take it personally or something. I have a friend who always says, "Yeah I used to be like that," as if I'm just describing being shy. And also as if I should work to be like him. I'm done with the pursuit of being like other people. That was a game of my youth, at which I failed miserably.

My wife is very similar to me, thankfully. She's actually even more unsocial than I am. It works well for us, except when friends want us to go out and do something. Then it's a nightmare.

Anyway, I personally think that unsocial people shouldn't be pushed to become social people. It's one thing to step outside of your normal boundaries once in a while, but I wish people would stop trying to change who I am. I will simply never have a type A personality and I don't intend to even try to fake it.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 5 users Like kineo's post
22-01-2013, 05:22 AM (This post was last modified: 22-01-2013 05:57 AM by Luminon.)
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
(07-06-2012 07:25 PM)lucradis Wrote:  I'm a rather antisocial person. I always have been, though in my younger years I hid it because it wasn't "normal". I don't like big crowds of people, to the point where these days when there is a lot of noise or a lot of people around me I get really angry.
The antisocial behavior has excelled in my older age and I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a wife and kid, I'd already be a hermit.
Part of me, a small part, sometimes wishes I was more social. More "normal". I am a people watcher (from afar) and every so often I will see people meet by accident in public and seem really cheery to have run into one another. I can't figure it out. I hate running into people I know when I'm doing stuff. I find it awkward and uncomfortable. I avoid at all costs. But when I see other people do it, I feel a pang of jealousy at their apparent ease with one another.
When I was a teenager I was a trouble maker, and I had a ton of friends, but every once in a while I felt like I needed a people vacation and I would lock myself away for a week. No contact outside of school, when I chose to attend. I would occasionally anger someone due to unanswered phone calls. I never knew how people could feel the need for constant contact. With the invention of facebook and cell phones, that need seems to have intensified and further distanced me from people.
My family gets mad at me for a lack of contact via these methods, no matter how many times I tell them I dislike constant contact. I find it irritating to have to always tell everyone what I'm doing.

For those of you who are social butterflies, I have to ask how you do it. And tell you that you do something better than me that you probably weren't even aware was actually hard.

My outlook on things has also taken a nose dive as of recent. There are reasons behind this but I'm not sharing. I don't usually consider myself to be negative, but instead more of a realist. I don't sugar coat things but usually feel relaxed about things. not so these days. I'm known for depressive dips. Highs and lows and what have you. But I'm so familiar with them, I manage myself quite well most of the time. I am aware of my highs and my lows and can usually adjust to them so that no one else is aware. But I can't seem to get out of my funk. I refuse to medicate, and I don't self medicate anymore nor am I going to.
How do you people get your heads up without assistance medically?
I hope I'm not starting to be annoying about it, but have you heard the "good news"?
Are you sinful and broken? Please hear the gospel of Asperger's syndrome.

Seriously, a lifetime of undiagnosed Asperger's (a limited form of autism) would make you exactly as you describe. It all fits, including the social and sensory overload that makes you need to take a break once in a while. The noise sensitivity, the focused attention and dislike when people interrupt it, the awkwardness with people. I must say, I'm just as annoyed about needing to contact people and tell them what I'm doing, now that I study out of home. Also, depressive highs and lows are common.

Yes, it's introversion, but it's extreme introversion. I've been through this area of study, found it mostly true but unsatisfying. Introverts are different in brain structure and chemistry, in the amount of stimulation we can handle, for example. It is hypothesized that the autism spectrum begins on the extreme end of introversion. Unfortunately, the brain is not a computer that can run any software, the kind of behavior we have is very likely to reflect an altered brain structure or even genetics. So "not being normal" is not normal, we've got to trust science a little and ask some neurologist or psychologist specializing in high functioning autism spectrum. We need some real scientific knowledge, it has to do with management of emotions, sensory problems, problems sleeping (I use earplugs and blindfold), planning and working (executive function) and even problems with facial recognition and remembering. This is really not just introversion.
Actually, today I should get a call to schedule my appointment.

Now, the important question. Is there a cure? Nope. It's the way your brain grew, to dominate with the left hemisphere of observing and analytic skills, extreme attention to detail and exclusion of the non-specific hanging out socially. Those who have depressions take meds. There are positive results for the oxytocin nose spray , but as we know the FDA regulations, it won't be on the market for 10 years. A sniff of the spray might make you a social butterfly, we just don't know how does that tie in with other hormones that might react with oxytocin. Until then I suggest you read some Tony Attwood and countless other books, blogs, articles and podcasts out there on this topic.


I am just learning how to live with that myself, but the best way seems to be to create some kind of structured environment, with clearly defined roles and topics. You go to the forum and you choose any topic you like and we all only communicate in text and smillies. Or, you have a job, you stand behind a counter and everyone have a very good idea what are you there for and what do they want from you, no need for social dances.
It'll get to you when I send you more articles on this, I have them around somewhere. One thing though, it's genetic, so you might want to check your children/grandchildren if they inherited anything. You might want them to have an early training so that they learn to understand people and navigate socially.




Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-01-2013, 01:47 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
(21-01-2013 01:29 PM)kineo Wrote:  I think what I dislike most about being unsociable is that social people always want to change you. Like they don't believe you. Like they take it personally or something. I have a friend who always says, "Yeah I used to be like that," as if I'm just describing being shy. And also as if I should work to be like him. I'm done with the pursuit of being like other people. That was a game of my youth, at which I failed miserably.

My wife is very similar to me, thankfully. She's actually even more unsocial than I am. It works well for us, except when friends want us to go out and do something. Then it's a nightmare.

Anyway, I personally think that unsocial people shouldn't be pushed to become social people. It's one thing to step outside of your normal boundaries once in a while, but I wish people would stop trying to change who I am. I will simply never have a type A personality and I don't intend to even try to fake it.
Holy shit, yes to all that. The problem is projection, I think. An extrovert will see you and think, "I would be miserable like that" so they assume you are also miserable, then they try to change you "for your own good." I've been called shy forever and I'm not, I just don't like most people very much, and even the ones I do like, I don't like being around them constantly.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes amyb's post
22-01-2013, 02:03 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
People - I can take 'em or leave 'em.
You can stick me in most any social situation and I'll feel right at home. Public speaking is fine by me, never had any issues with it and did a lot for a few years.
One on one interactions - I like these best.
Parties - gets boring but not uncomfortable.
I am, however, not a social butterfly. I used to be in my twenties, but the older I get the less I desire company. I can go for weeks without social interactions and never miss them.
And how about this - I prefer being social with non-social people. It sounds weird, but they don't get on my nerves ever - social butterflies do. They haven't made the person yet who I can't establish rapport with if so inclined, at least I haven't met anyone yet. I find all people interesting, every walk of life, they all have experienced things I know nothing about.
Kind of odd, how someone so much at ease among all kinds of people can prefer being alone - but that's me.

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
22-01-2013, 10:45 PM
RE: Antisocial and Negative Outlook.
I'm only 14, yet I'm feeling things similar to what you're feeling now. For over three years I pushed myself into a bubble with no friends and every bit of social interaction seemed akward. It's gotten better now in the way that I can interact with people on a regular basis, but even recently I had an incident where two girls came up and tried to have a conversation with me. It made me nervous and I offended them in trying to get out of it and head to class.

[Image: 8ffeae9d.jpg]
Credit to Atothetheist
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: